Idora

Well, I guess to me I'm thinking more about sacrifice, not so much what we do have. It makes sense if we could "afford a kid" we could the same for school. If we did a child I'd be willing to sacrifice more finances. Does that make sense? I guess that was my main worry. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. Again, thank you to everyone who offered kind words and advice. I finally went for it. I sat down with my husband and we figured out a plan. I'm going back to school this fall, full-time at a community college. I have made all the arrangements with the counselor and such. It will be 2 years, but at least I'll have a degree. From there I'll see if I want to transfer. I was amazed at how CHEAP this community college was, and after making plans on how to pay for it all, it's all working out.

I definitely agree with the selfish part as well as pressure. A friend of mine who attends college in Utah often expresses her views on marriage (she's LDS). She's only 23, but often feels depressed because she's "getting too old." Many of her friends who are her age or younger are already divorced. Why? Because these girls were waiting for the "perfect returned missionary" and didn't think of any other man on the side who was still a wonderful guy. Eventually he'd return, they'd have their dream temple wedding...then bam. Reality hit. She'd realize it wasn't so perfect after all and flee because "there must be someone better." Clearly not all divorces are based off of this, but sadly it is common. I'm 25 and my husband is 26 (27 in a couple of weeks) and we don't have children yet. Many LDS people have asked, "So, where are the children?" Like it's expected of us to have 3 children by now (we've been married 4.5 years). There are many reasons why we don't currently have children, but this doesn't mean it won't ever happen. We're making our own choice on how our marriage goes. My brother and sister-in-law got pregnant 3 months after their wedding and were fighting like none other. Threatening divorce, shouting and yelling, stress, etc. Luckily they sought help and are doing better than ever 7 years later, but you get my point. There seems to be so much pressure these days about biological clocks, the age expected to get married, etc. Especially in the LDS church. Outside of the church, it seems as though people treat marriage like a popular thing. They have their big wedding because every girl wants one, then divorce when things aren't perfect. Anyway, I'm rambling, but those are my thoughts. I'm sure I've echoed many of the same thoughts as well on here.

Thank you for the kind words, everyone. My husband and I have most definitely thought about adoption/foster care. In fact, my mother adopted 3 children after doing the foster care thing. We prayed and prayed about it and eventually took it to the temple but were instructed that now is not the right time to pursue that. Our hearts are still open to it. I guess a part of me does want a degree because my classmates are successful. But another part of me really desires to have an education. My "dream" job would be in the life biology field-marine biology, animal science or even healthcare. I absolutely love life science. Usually with life science it requires higher education though. I'd hate to have a job I love but be unable to stay home. I almost feel like it's one or the other. Starting small and drawing it out seems like a good option because of the money. I'm impatient and am trying to improve it. Sometimes I just want to get it done and over with, but I know it's not always the smartest route.

This dilemma is probably minor, but I guess I could use a few words of advice. I feel stuck with my life. I'm 25 years old and didn't go to college (my own fault- I made too many excuses and couldn't pick a subject to major in so I just "played" around with classes). I then met my husband and we married when I was 21. I worked 2 jobs to put him through school since he only had a year left to graduate from the university he went to. When he did so, we moved out of our city because of an amazing job offer waiting for us. We decided at this point to try and start a family since he made enough for me to stay home. After years of trying, however, I was told I'm unable to have children (we technically started trying 6 months into our marriage). Anyway, I spent too much of my time focusing on how sad my life was because I couldn't have children. It was the only thing my mind wanted to think about. Finally, after a talk with my husband and our bishop, I was able to snap out of that depression and look at my life around me and count my blessings. I'm able to finally enjoy my life and enjoy the free time I have with my husband. It has brought our marriage closer together and I love being able to travel and take random trips. The other day, I decided to look up some old high school classmates. I noticed many of them are college graduates and pursuing higher education or have incredible jobs. I then felt a hint of jealousy and a little sadness. Going back to school will be expensive. I don't qualify for financial aid because my husband makes too much. I know if I go back to school and get my degree I'll have lot of student loans to pay off, which means I'll probably have to work for a long time to make it worth it. Which then makes me think about a family. Oh, wait. I guess I'm being too hard on myself, but I feel like a failure almost. I can't have children and I can't go back to school without paying out of my butt. I work at a retail store and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I know this is the perfect opportunity to back to school since we don't have children yet, but I feel...stuck. I did graduate from a trade school but am having no luck finding a job in that field. I honestly don't know what to do. Sometimes I keep wishing I could go back in time and take high school more seriously and go straight to college. I don't want to waste time anymore. I need a goal. I need to do something. Right? I know after children it will be very difficult to go back to school. But my husband refuses to pay for my college unless I'm willing to pay it off after I graduate (which makes sense). So I don't want to spend $60,000 plus on school but I do want my degree...something I can put to use later without working it off for several years. I know the church encourages mothers to stay at home if possible. My husband would make enough for me to so I'd really have no reason to work full time. See how I talk myself in circles? I'm a dreamer more than anything. I want too much.

Thank you so much everyone. I'm not on here often, but I was able to read through all the comments and try a few things out. My husband pulled him aside Sunday before class and had a chat with him. We noticed he was much more in control of his temper and very polite throughout class because of it. We also plan to speak to the bishop about it as well. We'll keep working at it and definitely use advice given here. Thanks again.

I'm seeking some advice on how to handle something like this in my primary class. My husband and I are currently teaching the Valiant 10 class in primary. We both have experience in primary, but have never really dealt with a situation like this. There's a boy in the class (about 10 years old) who's smart but has serious anger outbursts. The first time we noticed this behavior was our first time teaching the class about a month ago. He and a friend of his were constantly chatting and whispering over the lesson, so my husband simply asked them to be a little more reverent because it was disrespectful. He was polite about it. However, the boy angrily kicked the trash can across the room and cried silently during the rest of class time. A couple of weeks ago, we had been playing a game in class. It was just trivia game and all was well until his team didn't get the full answer correctly. Angrily, the boy turned around and swung a punch, hitting the boy next to him (who had been sitting quietly) in the ribs, causing him to scream in pain and cry for the next half hour. Obviously we grabbed parents at this point. The victim's mother said it was common and told us not to grab her next time (the boys are friends). The angry boy's father repeatedly apologized and said he and his wife have been attempting to seek help for his outbursts for years now. I wasn't angry at the boy, nor his parents. I understand they have been trying to help him and it must be frustrating. They had to pull him from public school because of issues, and my husband and I guess it's revolved around the outbursts he has. Anyway, to the point. It's difficult to have interaction, play games, or seemingly any fun in the class because it may trigger another outburst and risk the injury of another child in the class. I'd feel horrible for having him removed from primary. His previous primary teachers didn't have a dose of his anger like we have and my husband believes it has to do with dominance...my husband being the main lesson teacher and dominance holder in the classroom and that's why we've been the primary teachers to witness such outbursts. He may be right. Any advice?

In my opinion, psychological issues seems to trump hormonal or possibly physical issues. I have hormonal issues (currently being treated, but it goes back and forth) and my drive isn't exactly where it should be, but I make love to my husband because he's my husband and I love him to death. I understand he's a man with needs and I made a promise to him to give myself to him, regardless of my mood or hormones. The fact she just won't do it saddens me and leads me to believe it's psychological whether it's immaturity, a strict upbringing, or an abusive past. She need to speak to somebody, and so does he. It's important an appointment is made regardless of how shameful or embarrassed they may feel. The pride needs to be pushed aside. I'm positive doctors aren't new to this. Without a healthy sexual marriage, the possibility of it falling apart increases and the temptation to cheat (I'm not saying he'll do that) also increases.

Every time I state the obvious, my husband says, "Thank you, Yoda." Others I've heard: "Quality not quantity" "I'm not short, I'm fun-sized/vertically challenged/space efficient". Also, "I'll stand here and laugh while you get hit by lightning" (kidding on that last one) I'm sorry to hear about the teasing. It's all about staying positive! Props to her for having a good attitude about it all.

Along with what many others have said, it's time to get out of dreamland and back to reality. Dreams are just dreams. Obsessing the way you are is WAY unhealthy! You're over-analyzing every thought, dream, and feeling you get about this girl. Snap out of it! You're going to spiral yourself out of control with all these dreams and connections you keep claiming to have. I've always been a dreamer myself and have always been fascinated with the mind and how it works. I've always thought about experiences and thoughts beyond earthly abilities. Not that I've been into psychics or anything like that, but the idea of having more spiritual power than possible has always jumped to my mind out of pure fascination. However, I know it's only thoughts and curiosities and I try not to think too deeply into it. In fact, indulging too deeply into these things can be dangerous. It can destroy relationships, create questions against the church and place us into a false reality where we slowly lose ourselves; not to mention a vulnerability to Satan and his army. We are unable to see beyond a veil, any veil for that matter. You felt a connection with this girl-but it doesn't mean you're destined to be with her. You've convinced yourself by obsessively thinking and dreaming about her she's supposed to be with you. You've dived too deeply into that false reality and you seem to be swimming in a mind-made dreamland. The only advice I can really offer is to seek help. This doesn't mean you're crazy or weird because many people have found themselves in similar situations. Stop worrying about saving her and realize she's a grown woman who can make her own decisions. She's independent and strong on her own, especially if she had a hard life. Please, seek help and recognize this problem. You're damaging yourself and missing out on the opportunity to have a great life and a great relationship with someone else. Stop wasting your life on this- you have so much to live for! Happiness is achieved by YOU yourself. If you cannot be happy by yourself you definitely cannot be happy with anyone else, regardless. Seek your own independence and freedom and break free of this unhealthy pattern. Get your mind back to the real world and start living. Tell yourself you're moving on and you're getting past it and hold your head up high. Reach out to your father in heaven for guidance and allow Him to help you get back on your feet as an independent man. I will be praying for you.

If I'm completely wrong, then I apologize and will back off. For some reason, a part of me believes the bishop was never involved and it's become a self-repentance process. You know, telling yourself you'll never do it again, maybe saying some tearful prayers and convincing yourself you'll be okay on your own, making justifications, etc. If so, this is treading dangerous waters and it will be something that will eat away at you until you speak up and confess to the right authority on this earth. I went down that path for years. Eventually I couldn't handle it anymore and I went to the bishop and had to go through a painful repentance process. I knew if I had done the right thing to begin with, I would have saved years of heartache and suffering. So to warn you, taking it on yourself and convincing yourself you can do it without confession to the right authority on earth will not leave the back of your mind, ever, regardless of any spiritual high and can cause serious destruction. However, if you DID see your bishop, I apologize and will not say anything more. I don't know you nor your situation and if it's what the bishop told you, it's what he told you.

Right now you're thinking too much. You know the right decision. I don't know your personal situation but sometimes people choose not to go because deep down inside they feel they are not worthy enough- whether they are or they aren't. Right now, get everything out on the table. If you have to, write everything down; everything that's bothering you, every reason why you believe you're hesitant. If there is sin involved you feel you can't overcome, take it to your bishop. Don't be afraid to approach him either, it's not as scary as it sounds. Find those things that you believe are making you hesitant and approach them, starting with a sincere prayer. In fact, while my husband and I were dating and becoming more serious, I knew one day I would be going to the temple with him and it terrified me. Besides Satan trying to grasp me and get me to back down, I was afraid because I knew there were things in my past I felt I hadn't been fully repentant of. I prayed out all of my fears to my heavenly father. The answer I received was to take all of my fears to my bishop so I could clear everything up. So, I mustered up the courage and went to see my bishop. I confessed everything I possibly could and poured my heart out to him, including my fears. He prayed for me over the next couple of weeks, and when I went back to see him again, he told me the Lord had forgiven me and it was time to forgive myself. I had to go through a painful repentance process because some of those sins needed it, but when the bishop told me I had been forgiven...an incredible amount of weight was lifted off my shoulders and I KNEW I was ready then. I am so grateful to this day I let out all of my fears regardless of how deep and sought Priesthood counsel. We were sealed in the temple several weeks later, worthily, and I can't even begin to express how wonderful it was and how glad I am I chose to move forward. You will find incredible peace, joy, happiness and strength if you move forward. Sorry this was long. Again, you know what decision needs to be made. So, do it.