It's just so hard to go to church and get a reality check that I'm alone, nobody wants my company, they despise me, and sneer when i'm around, don't wish to communicate with me, as i sit there alone watching the others have fun with their friendship. My mother used to tell me that the best place to make friends is in church. I've gone through primary and young women, but haven't made any close friend there. Unlike in school where i can make friends in a snap. When I started to attend seminary back then, everything went well...soon I became inactive for some months due to some reasons, and when I returned to church, all the bitter things started to erupt. For the record, it is not just me..my other family members including my grandparents also started to noticed that something wrong is going on and they feel like they are being ignored and despised as well. My grandparents used to be one of the founding members in the ward before, doing service and helping with almost anything, and they are the first people that members ask for support, advice, money, and for solutions to their problems. Now that they are both retired, with just enough money to get by(no more charitable work) the members started to ignore them and they all started to cling to the other member who have recently made a lot of fortune. When my grandfather became very ill in the hospital that even the doctors cannot diagnose his rare condition, i asked one of the bishopric to please go to the hospital and bless my grandfather. It took so long and not one soul of a church member visited us there. We've waited and got disappointed..until one Sunday, someone finally came in to check things out, him..and only his wife went there. Luckily, my grandfather's condition started to become better after the days after the blessing. I also remembered when I was sharing a talk, 2 old ladies sitting in the front row were obviously bad mouthing about me. They look at me, cover their mouths then whisper things at one another. Another thing is, all the members worship or idolized this former bishop who used to snatch amounts from tithes and have had a scandalous relationship with a younger girl outside the church. I'm not playing or trying hard to be the victim, but this is like the only place that i can share this rants...and in search for answers on why things have to be this complicated when all I want is to have a good day in church and not have a very depressing and disappointing one.
That gave me a relief....
