Timpman

The "curse" was definitely black skin and we need to stop trying to explain it another way. That just mocks people's intelligence. Regardless of what our modern prophets say, we can't cover up the past. We need to address it head on. It is what it is.

I'm not a doctor or any kind of pro, but: "Every woman's fertility declines with age. Getting older means it will take longer to conceive and you may need help from a fertility doctor (Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility Specialist). A woman's fertility begins to decline gradually beginning in her late 20's and continues this decline until age 34. At age 35 fertility begins to drop more rapidly. As a general rule, women have their best chance of getting pregnant before age 35." Fertility decreases with Age So if ladies want to have problems and deal with fertility doctors, go ahead and postpone marriage and pregnancy.

Age 25-30 isn't really late in life. Sorry. But those who wait for age 35, then wait until they are approaching 40 to have children have a lot harder time conceiving. That's all I'm saying. And I meant that we shouldn't follow the trends of the world. Anyway, let's forget the marriage-age thing here. It really has to do with maturity levels.

No point in bringing up the negatives now. Honestly, the reasons were vain or easily overcome anyway. My mind was blowing them out of proportion and discounting her positive qualities. And devils were whispering in my ear.... That's how Satan gets us sometimes. I do remember being crazy in love with her during the engagement. It was awesome.

Way too late for that. It's no good bringing that up. It was a crazy time. I was barely off my mission and was depressed and borderline suicidal. I think I would have become an alcoholic and killed myself if we had not been married. I had forgotten this stuff a couple days ago. She was a angel to me. Well, that's why so many women have fertility issues. Follow the Lord, not the world.

I have been FOOLISH. The mind has a way of filtering out good memories and others' good qualities. It sometimes focuses in on the negatives. I have been succumbing to cognitive distortions and, frankly, the whisperings of devils. I spent time with my wife last night and had a merciful revelation. I remembered the good times and her good qualities. Our marriage is good and we can make it better. There are many wise people here. Thanks for your comments. There is no other woman, btw.

Yes, it does. I accept that. Men are that they might have joy. I don't want to be with her forever. That's it. I can still be a good dad.

That sounds like the movies and books.

I love her mothering skills. We went to a sealing a few months ago. Yep, that's true and it stinks. Yes, that's possible. Busted. No. Yes, a long time ago. Not broken. Just regretting marriage.

slamjet, you are right. There are no perfect marriages or setups. I need to decide if I want to keep working at it or run away. Regarding marriage and family, I don’t believe in marriage “for the kids.” Kids always grow up and find their own companions. Though families are still sealed together, the spouse is paramount and the only one with whom we will really spend much time with. When couples stay married “for the kids,” the kids probably sense something is wrong. Then the couple gets divorced after the last child is grown, which is like saying “Surprise! It was all a sham.” Maybe it’s better to end it sooner instead of pretending it’s working.

Venting, looking for advice/criticism. Anything.

Loudmouth_Mormon, maybe getting a divorce is better than showing our kids what a crappy marriage is.

Yes, I did. I made the commitment. We choose ONE (usually) eternal companion, and look at what I did with that choice. So now I can live through for the kids, or screw everything up with divorce, or learn to love her. It really sucks to think about how I screwed up so bad in life.

Looking for something, I guess. Here’s my story as concise as I can make it: We dated when I was 17 and she was 16. I went on a mission. Got home and I wanted to date around. She didn’t give me any space. She told me she loves me and it stirred something within me, so I told her I love her. Got engaged the same night. The wedding was being planned and I got serious doubts. It didn’t seem right. I told her to not mail the invitations. Met with my bishop. I disclosed that I had been diagnosed with OCD (while in the MTC) and he said the doubts are probably the mental illness talking to me. He also said I would have to pay her family for all the wedding expenses to that point, and that she would keep the ring. I would be out thousands of dollars that I couldn’t afford. Under pressure, I made a stupid decision. I decided to go through with the marriage. I thought it would be okay if I didn’t like her much. After the ceremony, there would be no turning back and I would be free from the burden of choosing. I had the ring and we went to the temple grounds, sat on a bench, and she started talking. I cut in and asked if I could speak first. I then got on one knee and asked her to marry me again. I expected her to happily accept (yes, I was conceited). She hesitated and asked if I was sure and I said yes. She hesitated more and then reluctantly accepted. As we were leaving, she said “When I started talking first, I was going to tell you that I was ready to call the whole thing off.” I was shocked and felt that I had just made the worst mistake of my life. If only I had let her speak first, I would be free. But it was too late to back out. The ceremony was actually great and so was the honeymoon. I was happy. But it didn’t last long. I regularly think we shouldn’t have been married. Here we are 11 years and 4 kids later. I wish we hadn’t married.

BYU teams do it a lot. I say that means it's okay.