I am at a crossroads.
I'm a 20 year old woman who (like many other people my age) was recently very impacted by the new age requirements for missionaries.
I moved to a new area about a month ago, and I fear that I am not worthy.
Over a year ago, almost two years now, I participated in some fairly (not incredibly) serious inappropriate behavior with a boy (chastity wise). I was guilt tripped into making some mistakes with him that I would not have done otherwise. I am not, however, making excuses for myself, because I know that it was my own weakness that allowed it to happen. I had a lapse in confidence and a bigger lapse in self control. I kept a minimum standard for myself and I am so thankful for that, but I still did not keep the law of chastity like I should have. I have been kicking myself for the last year and a half over what I have done, but I was (and still am) so afraid to tell my bishop. I have prayed for forgiveness time and time again, cried for hours, felt the most incredible spiritual sorrow I have ever felt. I even kept myself from taking the sacrament because I no longer felt worthy. It has been very hard for me, but I find that I am ruled by fear, and telling my bishop is going to be the hardest part for me.
Now, the mission age requirements have changed. I am so nervous, for two reasons. First- I had the most incredible prompting to go. I've prayed about it several times and every time I get an amazing confirmation. But I'm nervous also because I know that I cannot rightfully serve until I tell my bishop. I'm afraid that since I have moved recently, it will be hard for my bishop to understand my circumstances. I'm so worried that my ability to go on a mission will be either delayed or taken away completely.
What do I do? What will happen? It was long ago and since it ended over a year ago, I have not participated in the same behavior. I have had resolve to keep myself away from that lifestyle for quite some time, and I have had a change of heart, but I'm afraid that my past transgressions will hinder my future progression.
Please help. I'm incredibly scared.