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Terrified of baptism
Phoenix7093 posted a topic in Advice BoardI've been reading the book of Mormon for about a year and a half now and I feel like I've hit a brick wall. I have had input from many missionaries (have met only 2 but really felt more intimidated by them than anything and felt it pushed me back a step) but my main sticking point is baptism. The thing I want most in the world is to be baptised and receive the gift of the Holy ghost but I am absolutely filled with fear about the baptism ceremony itself. I have no fears of the commitment, the change in my life or anything else that comes with it. I cannot get over my fear of the ceremony. Not because I'm scared of water or anything as rational as that.... I'm scared to be in front of anyone, scared that I will look stupid, scared that they won't be able to manage to dip me under the water, that I'll fall over, so many irrational feelings but I can't overcome them. I can't make my faith bigger than my fear. I'm scared for the way I'll look, I'm scared of the Church part on Sunday that follows as that will be in front of everybody. I feel I've failed before I've even received the gift. ☹️ The worst part is, I know everything I feel is irrational and is easy to overcome but I can't do it. My anxiety is crazy even just at the thought. I want to do it so badly but I feel ill never make it.
So end of July I get married to an amazing man. I wish I had an idealized body for him to enjoy, which I don't; stress has me eating things I normally would not, and my current knee sprain injury is making workouts difficult to nonexistent; I am nervous about becoming a stepmom to his wonderful kids; I fear not having enough money in the future, a fear I've had most of my life; I'm ADHD and organizing all the details and remembering everything to be done is dreadfully challenging for me; part of me wanted to elope and avoid all the planning and prep work; we will be moving out-of-state the day after the wedding, and trimming away unnecessary things is hard, knowing what to take and what to let go; I'm doing my parents' remodel's finish work, and I still have base boards, back splash, refinish the deck, caulking, and touch up painting to do; currently out of Claritin-D; my wedding plans by default cannot be finalized until my fiance and I receive a clearance letter for his first sealing. The stress and anxiety feels borderline paralyzing at times. Any words of wisdom, talks, articles, scriptures, mantras ?
Easter = Resurrection Fearlessness & Love
prisonchaplain posted a topic in LDS Gospel DiscussionEaster is one of those holy days that LDS, Catholics and Protestants find little to argue about. So, in the spirit of new life, here's a synopsis of what I shared today: Easter and resurrection--so what? Jesus rose from the dead. His followers went to attend to him, on Easter morning, but he was gone! If the Son of the one, true, Creator-God suffered, died, then rose, I will fear nothing. People cannot harm my eternal soul. Jesus is the one I must please. Addictions, such as drugs, selfishness, and unhealthy relationships cannot trap me. My God is bigger, and he is for me. Now, I live without fear. I traffic in love. I love widows, orphaned, and yes, the imprisoned. I love immigrants; liberals and conservatives; and whoever needs a listening ear and an open heart. Jesus suffered and died so I could be well and live. Now, it is my turn to love. What is the worst that could happen? Perhaps, I will suffer and die. Even so, I will rise and live forever with God. He is risen. He is risen, indeed!
Scared of the dark...?
Sannie posted a topic in Advice BoardSo I'm a grown woman (30) who is scared of the dark. Not in the typical way like a little kid would be. I think it has a lot to do with Aspergers anxiety (I have ASD, nobody can really tell I hope), weird ways of processing tiny house noises other people can filter out, and a dislike of sleeping in my bed alone. So no, I'm not actually afraid of the dark, I have been known to wander about in it on occasion, but darkness makes me feel very vulnerable to bad feelings and generalized magnified worry and fear of...everything, I suppose. Part of it has to do with lingering memories from 22 straight years of almost daily night terrors. Some of them were truly awful. Only one was religious in nature and I was do scared I woke my parents then refused to get blessing when my dad asked. I freaked out so bad he actually forced me to sit down so he could bless me and I immediately calmed down afterward. I was 16 or 17, which is far too old to wake parents in the night over a bad dream. On a side note, my night terrors disappeared literally the DAY I went through the temple for the first time when I got married. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone has advice. I'm seeking advice on two fronts: 1. People with ASD/high-functioning who also get a bit nervous at night and 2. Anyone who has advice of a more spiritual nature, because even though I'm hardcore logical and I'm usually pretty cynical about the presence of bad spirits, thin veils and all that (still unsure what exactly I believe on the topic), I have a sneaking feeling that when I'm up so late like tonight that my fear might actually be a sensitivity to some bad energy or spirits trying to bring me down? It's a bit hippy-dippy to talk energies and spirits, especially because I'm so cynical about it, but the auditory processing issues just don't explain how I'm feeling right now and how many times I've felt this way in my life for no reason. Thoughts?
Too many blessings?
theOtter posted a topic in Advice BoardI’ve posted this question to my personal blog and am hoping that someone here will have some insight. Feel free to post there; I’d love for what few readers I have to be able to join in the discussion. Thanks! The Gospel According to Jeffrey: A Cry for Help
Am I worthy?
sister8 posted a topic in Missionary WorkI am at a crossroads. I'm a 20 year old woman who (like many other people my age) was recently very impacted by the new age requirements for missionaries. I moved to a new area about a month ago, and I fear that I am not worthy. Over a year ago, almost two years now, I participated in some fairly (not incredibly) serious inappropriate behavior with a boy (chastity wise). I was guilt tripped into making some mistakes with him that I would not have done otherwise. I am not, however, making excuses for myself, because I know that it was my own weakness that allowed it to happen. I had a lapse in confidence and a bigger lapse in self control. I kept a minimum standard for myself and I am so thankful for that, but I still did not keep the law of chastity like I should have. I have been kicking myself for the last year and a half over what I have done, but I was (and still am) so afraid to tell my bishop. I have prayed for forgiveness time and time again, cried for hours, felt the most incredible spiritual sorrow I have ever felt. I even kept myself from taking the sacrament because I no longer felt worthy. It has been very hard for me, but I find that I am ruled by fear, and telling my bishop is going to be the hardest part for me. Now, the mission age requirements have changed. I am so nervous, for two reasons. First- I had the most incredible prompting to go. I've prayed about it several times and every time I get an amazing confirmation. But I'm nervous also because I know that I cannot rightfully serve until I tell my bishop. I'm afraid that since I have moved recently, it will be hard for my bishop to understand my circumstances. I'm so worried that my ability to go on a mission will be either delayed or taken away completely. What do I do? What will happen? It was long ago and since it ended over a year ago, I have not participated in the same behavior. I have had resolve to keep myself away from that lifestyle for quite some time, and I have had a change of heart, but I'm afraid that my past transgressions will hinder my future progression. Please help. I'm incredibly scared.