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  1. A little background about me: I was born into the church to a single mom. We were inactive until I was about 7, and by this time my mom had married my stepdad. I got baptized at 8. We moved out of state when I was 16 and my parents became inactive, which made my young siblings become inactive. I quickly fell to inactivity as well. My marriage story: Six years ago at 17 I met my now husband, who was not a member. I broke the law of chastity with him while we dated. We got married when I was 18, and he is 7 years older- we had dated for a year. Although I did love him, I also felt like I HAD ago marry him since I'd slept with him, feeling guilty due to my upbringing in the church. I honestly was not totally ready for marriage but I convinced myself I was. Plus my parents were about to move out of state again and I would not "shack up" with a boyfriend so I rushed the marriage even more. I wasn't sure he was totally ready either, but it later seemed he just acted like he was to not disappoint me. Our first year married was tumultuous. He was from another country and a much more traditional culture: women were responsible for all housework, cooking, and child rearing. I was 18, so I was taking college classes and I worked full time but was still expected to take on the home responsibilities. This caused a lot of tension and fighting, as I felt I was being treated unfairly. He made much more money than I did and often felt justified by that and his upbringing. I am impatient and can be sassy but he would be pretty cruel in his words. He often drank. It wasn't unusual for him to get drunk, although he knew I hated it- this also caused fights. He often accused me of cheating while not at home- more fighting. Three holes had to patched up in doors/walls at our first apartment. He was a good man despite these issues and never physically hurt me but our tempers and stubbornness did a lot of emotional/verbal damage to each other and it was clear we had not prepared for marriage properly as far as actually doing it for the right reasons and having certain important discussions before rushing into it. He seemed ready for divorce in the first year, and I was miserable too, but I didn't want divorce and always tried to end problems quickly, but he just wanted things done on his own terms. A year after marriage I got pregnant. At 20 I had our child. I thought this would mostly fix our issues. In some ways it did, but bad things continued as stress increased and sleep decreased. I developed a mild-moderate post partum depression and felt numb to most things, and had no motivation for anything besides my child's well being. Our fights were still ongoing. We faced crippling financial issues which seemed to fuel many fights, along with housework and cooking not being done due to being an exhausted and depressed first-time mom. I started to think he may be cheating, too. In some fights he even said he was only here for the baby. A friend invited me back to church soon after I had my child, so I went. I started going regularly and had my child blessed. My husband was never against the church, but worked every Sunday and did not care to go out of his way to attend. I was a stay-at-home mom for two years and continued to attend church, sometimes missing a week, but not enough to be inactive again. The same relationship issues were happening. I sought help from the bishop's first counselor, who referred us to a marriage counselor from LDS Family Services- the ward funds paid for part of it and we set up monthly payments for the rest. Our counselor helped us be very honest and open about our feelings. At this point I was burned out by the marriage and did not have much desire to continue it. Things would temporarily improve in specific areas that the counselor had us work on, but old habits would come back quickly and ruin what we'd seemingly patched. I honestly felt more of a best friend type of love than a romantic type of love towards him- for some reason I also didn't feel very attracted to him anymore (he didn't physically change or anything like that) but I didn't share any of this. I spoke about how I wanted a sealed, active family and that I felt I'd never have it with him. He offered to start coming to church, and he did, but I could tell he didn't understand just how important this was to me. He's the type that goes on Sundays but doesn't make it his lifestyle. I wanted an LDS-lifestyle in my marriage and I needed a companion who could help keep me in check, and we could keep each other motivated & accountable. It seemed clear that this wouldn't happen, even though he enjoyed going on Sundays and attending ward functions. Towards the end of our sessions it seemed I grew less and less motivated to continue the marriage and my husband became more motivated. In one of the last sessions, the counselor asked us to decide if we still had hope and would continue working on it, or if we'd lost all hope and would divorce. I knew what I wanted but didn't feel "justified" since there hadn't been physical abuse, abandonment, or known affairs. I had love for my husband but would feel awful. I was honest and said I was unhappy and felt hopeless. I didn't want to wait years on end to feel happiness from the marriage, or possibly never reach that point throughout my life in the marriage. My husband was shocked, since I'd not shared these feelings during the sessions- I had been hoping I'd suddenly have a revelation that would shut down my fears and figured I shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings, if mine were going to change anyways. I also thought about my son, who'd live in broken home if divorce happened. I went home with every intention of it being over. My husband was angry and hurt, and I felt bad, but I also felt free after declaring my decision. He very rarely cries but he did. I told him that I still loved/cared for him and thought he was a wonderful father and that I wanted him to remain active in our child's life and to be a good role model. I was worried he may resort to drinking again. He said he couldn't promise that he wouldn't resort to his old ways. This worried me greatly. I didn't want that for him or for my child. Something in him switched and the very next day he was cleaning the house, cooking, etc. It was obvious he was trying to win me over. I appreciated it, but in my mind it didn't change everything I felt, or the lack thereof. This continued for a couple weeks. We awkwardly avoided the divorce conversation but it became an unspoken decision that I wouldn't pursue divorce any longer, although I can't say that anything really changed in me. He took missionary discussions that summer (two years ago) and got baptized. This was great, of course, but I still longed for the LDS-lifestyle with my husband that I truly wanted since I was a youth. I thought about the missionaries (who were my age) and how spiritually mature they were and how much it appealed to me in a man. I had big doubts about whether my husband could/would ever get there. He had to work many Sundays so he was just partially active with attendance. However he'd quit coffee, hadn't had alcohol even for awhile before missionary discussions, and tried to read the scriptures. The scripture reading and daily praying didn't last long, which didn't surprise me. His consistency isn't the best. This only made me more discouraged about having the marriage/family that I wanted and felt I really needed. Later that fall I started my first job since motherhood; it was full-time and I found a lot of fulfillment there. For over a year everything at home stayed the same. We didn't really fight anymore. If we had a disagreement he often just backed down and diffused it right away but nothing was ever really resolved either. It was just an at-least-we're-not-fighting-anymore numbness. I continued to have a lack of romantic love for him but no heart or courage to say anything or to just end it. I didn't want to hurt him or our nearly 3 year old. We didn't tell each other we loved each other. We've continued to have sex (although not as often as when we were dating or as newlyweds) but I often hid that I really didn't want to do it. (He would never force me, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings with constant rejection.) He would kiss me on the cheek or forehead sometimes but I wouldn't kiss him. I didn't want to hold his hand, hug, or cuddle. I truly felt like he was just a close friend and actually felt awkward being physically intimate in any way with him. I interpreted this as not being in love with him anymore, if we ever truly were. This last fall we got into an argument before I went to see a girlfriend of mine. It seemed to be okay by the time I left. I got back home and he took off to hang out with friends. He came home nearly at 3am and was very drunk. I was shocked and disgusted. I told him to sleep on the couch. It brought back so many terrible memories from the past and I immediately felt like I wanted this marriage to end and prayed to know what to do. Worried he'd lost all his cash or may damage his car/himself, I searched his pant pockets to hold onto his wallet and keys in case he tried to leave again. In one pocket I found a small 3-count box of condoms- but there were only two inside. It was as if this was an immediate answer to my prayer. I was devastated by the betrayal. Even through my feelings I had, I would never cheat. He was passed out so I texted him that it was over. I was so distraught that I called off work the next day- how long had he been doing this? The next day he came to me and swore the condoms were from a moving box that was still in his truck (we'd just moved in with my grandma) and that he'd taken them out to bring inside. I honestly didn't know what to believe. He's a very loyal person, I thought, but I also thought back on a couple of fishy situations involving other women that happened before we got married and felt increasingly doubtful he was being truthful now. For a couple weeks I lived in total discomfort. I felt filthy sleeping next to him. I only really spoke with him when it came to childcare arrangements. He kept saying we needed to talk but I was too angry and upset. Finally he cornered me in the living room and begged me to talk. He wanted to know what was going to happen from here. He'd already made an appointment with a lawyer for himself. He said he was going to move out right away. I said this was a bad idea since we were tight on money and that he should stay in the spare room while we figure things out. He just wanted to leave, feeling weird that we'd be separated and still living together at my grandma's house. He then brought up our child. He was afraid I'd take our nearly 3 year old away from him. I assured him I would never do that, not having had a close relationship with my own biological father due to distance. I shared my concerns about our child being in an less-than-ideal environment if my husband became inactive in church, took up drinking again, had women over, etc. He made it seem as though that was "just too bad" because divorce was what I wanted. By the end of the talk, he begged me for another chance. I explained what I'd said before: I don't want to wait indefinitely for happiness. It was clear to me that we were not even in love with each other anymore. He said that we could fix it and that if it wasn't better by the end of the year we could get divorced if I wanted to. I told him I didn't want to try anymore but if he really felt this strongly about maybe changing my mind about this marriage, I'd let him try. It's now been 9 months since then. My grandma passed away two months ago and that took a big toll on me, and still does. We attend the ward I was born into and the ward my grandma had been in for nearly 50 years. That part feels right. I've been promoted at work and things are going great there. In the marriage we're back to where we were nearly two years ago. Comfortable and not really fighting, but still I have a lack of romantic feelings. I'm not "miserable" or necessarily "unhappy" because other big things in my life are going fine, but my marriage doesn't bring me happiness. I still don't hold his hand, hug or cuddle with him. I still don't kiss him. I still don't really want to have sex with him, although I do in order to spare his feelings. Physical intimacy in any form feels so awkward, probably because I feel we aren't in love or are even heading down that path. I don't see an eternal companion with my husband. He attends church as often as possible but again I don't see the priesthood leader that I want and need in a husband. He's been a member for two years and it seems he still doesn't have a strong testimony or a strong grasp of the gospel. Spiritual maturity is just not there. I'm only 23 now but I feel time is escaping me so quickly. He is a great man and has truly made great changes but I can't help but feel he is just not the one for me. I feel like we've just crammed a square into a circle but that it will eventually pop out, and I don't want to wait until this happens in order to move on. We haven't been sealed yet, either, and I'm definitely not pushing for it while being so unsure of this marriage. I think of how life would continue after a divorce: when I remarry, will my "ex" allow our child to be sealed to me and my new spouse? Will my "ex" even stay active in the church? Will my child become inactive if my "ex" does and doesn't have support & encouragement from both parents? Will we still attend the same sacrament meetings together for awhile? I'm so overwhelmed by this and want a clear answer. I have prayed many times about it over the last 3 years but don't feel I've ever received a clear answer, or maybe I'm just not in tune with the spirit the way I need to be. I'm consumed with guilt over my feelings and haven't told my husband or anyone else. I'm at a loss and just don't know what to do. I will continue to pray about it but I've never been great at finding answers to my prayers and am not really sure how to do so. I'm willing to wait til the end of the year to have a sure answer, but until then, this is so hard on me and I'm really not sure what to do. Any constructive advice or related experiences are welcome.
  2. What a privilege to share about God's Discipline at Angle Lake Neighborhood Church on Thanksgiving Sunday! We learned that we really are His children and that He never condemns or leaves us. God is a good, just Father who rescues us from hell and secures us in heaven. Many will join with family this holiday season. Please know that our Creator Dad joins us to eternal family. Thank you, Lord! Pastor Tom Ellis | God's Discipline Play video Pastor Tom Ellis | God's Discipline
  3. I have searched many times for an answer to this question but never found any official church statements on this. So I was excited when just this morning I came across an article on entitled “Little Children and The Sacrament.” (…but was disappointed to find the article was more of an editorial by a member rather than an official statement or clarification by a church leader. It didn’t even have any quotes from church leaders. And the rational used in the article seemed like quite a stretch. Here are some quotes from the article: • Jesus commanded His disciples to “give [the sacrament] unto the multitude.” That multitude included “little ones.” • When priesthood holders today pronounce the sacrament prayers, they ask Heavenly Father to bless and sanctify the bread and the water “to the souls of all those” who partake. All. Each person who partakes—including each little child. There simply isn’t enough detail in the story to know whether the sacrament was given to small children. And to imply that the “all” in the sacrament prayer includes small children….again, I don’t see how you can draw that conclusion. Given who strongly God condemns the baptizing of little children (Moroni 😎 and given that taking the sacrament is to help us repent and renew our baptismal covenants (neither of which applies to small children)…it would seem to me the best thing would be for little children not to partake of the sacrament, but rather emphasize to the adults our need for the sacrament so that we can repent and become pure and innocent again like little children. Thoughts? Has anyone ever found anything official from the church on this topic? Should or should we not give the sacrament to children before they are baptized?
  4. Last night my husband and I were up talking late. He suddenly confessed to me that he has been hurting my 5 month old daughter. He said it has happened maybe 10 or 11 times over the past five months, and that it was things like pinching, smacking/slapping, etc. Nothing sexual or shaking or anything. He said the last time he did it was a 3 or so weeks ago. He told me he was telling me now because he couldn’t live with himself anymore and was dying because of the guilt and shame. He told me he mostly does it to get a rise out of her because he likes to bring her down from her crying. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OR DO. We have been married for almost two years (in the temple). He has never once been violent towards me in any way shape or form. I just feel sick over this. I don’t know what to do, don’t know who to talk to about it. The thought that he could have even laid a finger on my daughter makes me so upset I feel like the room is spinning. I told him he needed to go see the bishop and that we needed to look into counseling for him. I told him I love him and want to forgive but I don’t even know where to start. And I’m not even the victim! I love him so much, but I don’t know how to get over this. Please help me. Do I work towards forgiveness? Am I crazy to try and save this? Or do I end everything? I’m so scared and feel so alone. I don’t know the next step.
  5. Can anyone provide doctrinal and direct documentation on whether children under the age of 8 (unbaptized children) should take the Sacrament? I understand that Mormon was appalled that the Church in his day was performing baptisms for infants and children under the age of 8, and his reason for this is because children who have not yet reached the age of accountability are already guaranteed salvation, and therefore to assume that they require baptism is an affront to the Power of the Atonement. Similarly, it is my opinion (I have not seen any direct doctrine to support it) that it is wrong for children who have not yet been baptized to "renew covenants" that they have not yet made (and do not need to make). Can anyone show me revealed doctrine on the subject? (Lesson manuals, including nursery lessons, does not constitute doctrine -- I'm looking for something directly from the Prophet or an Apostle of the Lord.) Many thanks!
  6. Hi, I have been married to a mormon man for 23 years now and we have 5 children, I myself am a baptist although I very rarely attend church at all now. There are so many things I love about my husbands faith and the impact it has on our family, I love when he gives the kids blessings when they are nervous or unwell, I love how he sits with them and discusses how they are doing and that we all pray together. However, he is obsessed with having a perfect family and as our kids have gotten older I feel his concern is not for them but for how he is perceived at church or by fellow mormons. When our son decided to stop going to church my husband was so ashamed of our son and there was no real concern of how big a decision it was and that our son may be suffering. I even feel there was little care for our son's salvation and it was mainly my husband worried about people viewing him as a bad father. About, 4 months ago our 18 year old daughter told us she was pregnant and whilst I was heart broken I was just full of concern for her and the baby. My husband was just preoccupied with being ashamed of her and how he would be perceived as a bad father, he was mad but there was no concern for our daughter or the baby. He was even like it when our kids were young if they did something bad at church he would be a lot more angry than if they did it at home or at school. I am asking you is there in the mormon faith or culture a shaming for parents when their children go against the church? Or even when they misbehave? If so why ? Does your husband/ wife want to be perceived as perfect and having a perfect family ?
  7. Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right. My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby. Practically, speaking we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing. My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ? How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?
  8. My wife and I have been caring for our 8 year old nephew, whilst his mom is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. My brother is our nephew's father but he passed away 8 years ago, although we attend the same church as my sister in law and nephew so we are quite close. He has been excluded for hurting his classmates and before that we had to go to a meeting because he spat at his teacher and was walking out of class and running around the school. He also misbehaves at our house. We tried speaking with him but we didn't want to be too harsh because we understand he is having a hard time. Surprisingly, he is well behaved at church and enjoys going. We are young (25) and we don't have kids of our own so we are struggling to care for him. We have never had problems with raising children before, have you ever asked for parenting advice from someone at church? If so how? We are quite private people so this is unnatural for us. Also, do you think we should tell his mom?
  9. I'm new to these forums, so forgive me if I don't folow the regular social cues. So a bit of background, I'm 20 years old and just married 2 months ago to the most wonderful man (21). We've know each other for a long time, and I've loved him for every second of it. We're having no relationship issues, we've got through every trial we've had together. But lately I've been getting some strong feelings in my day to day life and when I pray that we should be having children. Don't get me wrong, we both want kids, but we want to wait for the right time, which we thought would be in at least 2-3 years. Right now, we're just not in a good position for it. We're really low on money, both looking for new jobs (he is working, I am not), struggling to figure out how we're both going to go back to college, and still getting used to being married. I know I should bring it up with him, but I don't know how. I've always been able to tell him everything, but I think that having kids right now scares me, and the fact that it almost seems like the right thing to do scares me even more. So I guess I'm just looking for advice. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What did you do? Did it work out? I want to trust in God, and it seems like these feelings are from God, but logically it seems so wrong.
  10. Hello, I am new here. I am not a Mormon but my late husband was a mormon and we truly had a wonderful marriage. We had 2 children together they are now 8 and 6. My late husband passed away 5 years ago so our kids do not remember him or going to church. I would like to teach them or at least attempt to explain what their dad believed to them. Do you think that they are too young ? I don't know too much about the faith and I have forgotten most things. What do you think I should teach them first ?
  11. So, almost a whole month ago, I saw a link on Facebook to a talk by Henry B. Eyring called “O Remember, Remember.” It talked briefly about how he has made a habit over the years to write down instances of when he has seen the hand of the Lord in his daily life and how that has helped open his eyes to more spiritual experiences that he didn’t recognize before. I thought the idea of every day writing down my experiences would be a good exercise. I was originally going to do this by myself but then I felt prompted to include my siblings in this as a way to help train all of us to open our eyes to things around us. So, I put a paper band on a jar and we keep a selection of markers and pad of paper close by and after scripture study every night, we take a moment for each of us to write something down. Then we fold the papers up and put them in the jar, with the idea that when it was full, we’d open them all up and share them as a group, looking back over all of these wonderful experiences we had and sharing together from all of our perspectives. Tonight was our night and for family home evening, we each took turns reading each other’s papers, discovering what others had felt blessed by and also remembering how we each felt when we wrote our own. I definitely recommend this activity for anyone else, especially those with young children in the house. It was such a rewarding experience to hear what they each thought about and what happened to them that was special on those days. Everybody was different, with different priorities, but the feelings were there, and as we came back to the present through the list, you could see the responses for all of them becoming more thoughtful and understanding of the task. We have a problem in our house with personal journal keeping, so, this has kind of helped us by doing it as a group and with the simple prompt "Have I seen the hand of God reaching out and touching us in some way today?" They don’t always have to be spiritual experiences either – or at least, something that we strictly think of as spiritual. A lot of them were listing good things that happened that made them happy. Many more were started with the phrase, “I am thankful for…” and that really encapsulates the whole point of it. A lot of times we pass things by or take things for granted and we don't recognize that Heavenly Father is responsible for a lot of the good things in our lives. When you don’t recognize even the small things you are blessed by, it can be hard to identify when a bigger, more direct spiritual experience is happening/has happened. It starts with recognizing even those small things that happen as coming from the Lord, leading to seeing how involved He is and the impact He has on our lives. I’ll be keeping these in a box, keeping them organized and together, so that someday, we can have them and the kids can look them over and remember how much the Lord has done for them through their own words and their own eyes recognizing them. I just wanted to share this as a possible family home evening activity or daily activity you can do with your family. It takes less than 5 minutes usually for them to write something down(my older younger brother and I take a bit longer) and having them do it right after scripture study, they're already mindful of the Lord and feeling the Spirit with them, so, it makes it a bit easier to be in that mindset.
  12. I am 20 years old and married. My sister has a baby and her and her fiance live with my parents, as do me and my husband because we are going through a move. My husband wants kids so badly and he is so good with them but I have absolutely no desire. No matter how cute or sweet a baby or kid is, I still can only get myself to be around them for a short time. Everyone is pressuring me saying I have to have kids and I feel absolutely guilty that I want nothing to do with them. I am repulsed by them and I honestly think I would be a bad mom. I think most kids are spoiled little brats and when I see my sister let my 1 year old niece get away with everything, it angers me even more. I want to want kids for my husband but I have absolutely no desire and I don't know what to do. I have never had the urge to have kids and I have never liked babysitting since I was of age to and I avoided babies like the plague. I don't know what to do, I don't think I will ever change my mind...
  13. Assuming many of you have already seen these, or get the LDS newsletter in your email (which was featured in there this week) - but sometimes you just need to read (or watch) something light hearted and sweet to make you smile in the midst of heavy topics or dreary days. I was watching these yesterday but thought I'd post it here in case some of you need a happy break from the day - to listen to children telling their version of a bible story. LOL
  14. A little help please. I read a scripture a while back in the Book of Mormon that said something like this. "My greatest joy is to know that my children are steadfast in the gospel." I can't remember who said it or where it was, but I am fairly sure it was in the Book of Mormon. Of course the quote is para-phrased. Let me know if you know of a scripture of this nature. Thanks
  15. I asked my three daughters (11, 13 & 15) why they thought a prison staff member would be tricked into doing favors for an inmate. They all came up with the same answer I had--PRIDE. We think we can help others by trusting them. We think we see what others do not see. We think we can make a difference in a life by being their support. I hate to discourage any of that in the broad sense. However, true humility says we help people by pointing them towards God--not be violating ethics to be a hero. Who knows? Maybe I'm raising up the next generation of prison chaplains. :-) ​
  16. Today I heard a program in which Michael Medved said that 70% of all FIRST TIME marriages stay intact until the death of one of the couple. We've been told for at least 30 years that the figure was only 50%...a lie that conflates 2nd+ marriages with first ones, to create the false illusion that divorce is uber-normal, and probably inevitable. As we see marriage redefined, family increasingly treated as an unimportant, if not oppressive social construct, perhaps the best we can do is continue to enjoy our children, our spouses, and the special fulfillment we share as we grow together, bound by the love of our God. There is no arrogance here. Every day I am humbled by my wife and children. Their love and acceptance of me is amazing. Their reaction to my feeble efforts at husbanding and fathering are gracious (and merciful). I love them, and thank God for the honor He's given me to play my role. May the deposits we make, as an intact family, into our areas of influence lead many to look to and glorify God.
  17. I am wanting to know if I will ever be able to be sealed to my children. I am married and my husband is un active and not willing to become an active member. My children and I are active and they wish so badly to be sealed to my husband and I. Sadly I know being sealed to my husband is not an option but if I am an active member do I being a female have the option??
  18. A new study shows that children of heterosexual parents do better. It factors out the typical reasons offered (bullying, adoption, etc.), and suggests that the primary factor is a child's biological connection to both parents. Of course, this is impossible when the couple are same-sex.
  19. Hello! I was raised in the LDS faith and later was given the freedom to explore other religious sections in my teens and early adulthood. I'm 31 now and would like to return to the LDS community because I love its emphasis on family values, rejection of drugs and unhealthy lifestyles, continual effort toward self-improvement, and helping others. I would be most happy if my husband would at least tolerate this venture with me, but he did not grow up in the faith and has serious reservations about becoming involved in the local LDS community because of some of the churches more far-reaching groundwork. Examples of this are the church's history of having leaders that practiced polygamy (and it still teaches believe polygamy will be practiced in the spirit world) and the fact that the archaeological record in North America does not collaborate with the Book of Mormon. These issues (especially when it comes to the historical record) trouble me as well, but I am able to look past them because of the present teachings of the church. The LDS people I know and have known have generally been nice, helpful and sincere people, and I rationalize these inconsistencies by pointing out that the faith obviously serves some people and drives them to be better versions of themselves. My husband, however, has become increasingly against my having any involvement with the church, and is presently at a place where he realizes he couldn't stop me from going alone, but he wouldn't go and wouldn't let me take our toddler, either. I live in a geographical area without a lot of religious diversity (most people here are catholic), and some of my motivation for wanting to reactivate in the church is social in nature. Am I interested in the church for the wrong reason? If not, what are some talking points I can use to help my husband understand where I'm coming from? Thanks in advance for your help!
  20. Very "simple" problem. Have 4 crazy energetic children. Wife want's another. Youngest is 1 year. I'm done. I don't feel I can handle more. Moreover, I don't think she can handle more. I can't understand why she wants another when all she ever does is complain about the ones we have (they really are a handful and I don't blame her). We've talked about it off and on since our last was born. I really felt we were done and told her so. Eventually, I said we'd consider it later, when/if things mellowed out with our other children and if/when things got better in our marriage (having other issues that cause weekly fights). Anyways, we're struggling just to keep ourselves together and this topic came up again. I finally just said no, it's not going to happen. Now she's all a mess, tells me how selfish I am, how if I loved her I would not do this to her, etc. I know it sounds so selfish so her words really hurt. But I can't do something like this just to please her. I honestly feel like our marriage is so fragile that we couldn't handle yet another. I've even prayed to have God change my heart, but to no avail. What can I do? Do I just remain steadfast, and let her "morn?" She accuses me of being cold, emotionless, but really it hurts me to make her so sad. Have any of you had conflict with quantity of kids? How did you resolve it?
  21. My teenage daughter recently asked me a tough question. She said she found out that Lorenzo Snow took a 15 year old wife when he was 57 years old and they had 5 children. Being the same age she was mortified and said there is no way a 15 year old girl wants to enter into a romantic relationship with a 57 year old man and that the only way something like this happens is with a forced marriage like Warren Jeffs and his wives. How would you explain these marriages? UJ
  22. I'm sure everyone here has heard of Romney's speech at Southern Virginia University making the case for marrying young and having a "quiver full of kids". I am especially interested in one particular element of the speech: This is the cornerstone vs. capstone debate. I am very much in the cornerstone camp but we live in a capstone culture. I posted this in a Catholic forum and was unsatisfied with the resulting discussion (Mitt Romney's case for getting married young - Catholic Answers Forums). See especially my response here: Catholic Answers Forums - View Single Post - Mitt Romney's case for getting married young So let me ask: Did Romeny's advice reflect LDS teaching? What is the source?
  23. I’ve posted this question to my personal blog and am hoping that someone here will have some insight. Feel free to post there; I’d love for what few readers I have to be able to join in the discussion. Thanks! The Gospel According to Jeffrey: A Cry for Help
  24. (A True Story) During a sacrament meeting, a little boy made a big disturbance. After several minutes of trying to quiet this noisy 3 year-old, the mother desperately handed him to the father, who was seated on the aisle close to the front of the chapel. By this time the noise distracted the speaker and audience, and everyone was very conscious of the parents' plight. The father's patience was much shorter than the mother's. In a few moments he put the little boy over his shoulder, stood up, and started for the back door. Looking back over his father's shoulder and sensing his determined steps, the little boy became quiet and apprehensive. Just as the father approached the rear door of the chapel, the little fellow reached his arms out toward the stand and shouted, "Bishop, help!" This was originally spoken by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Quorum of Twelve Apostles during General Conference on 4/5/97
  25. For some time, I was inactive. During that time I met a woman and had two handsome boys with her. I guess it wasn't meant to work out. After a little more than eight years she and I broke up. She went back to her church (non-denominational Christian) and I came back to church. We lost track of each other (long story). After a couple years, I finally found her and we spoke for quite a long time. She had been in several relationships that were strewn with drama. The thing that amazes me is the fact that she kept her faith alive through mental and physical abuse. We spoke on the phone of many things. There was kid stuff that remained undone. Catching up. Then the subject of religion was broached. She asked me where I was going to church (as I mentioned church in general statements). I told her that I was back in full fellowship with the LDS Church. She said, "I thought you were a Christian." I rebutted with, "I am." She continued her statement, "...I thought you left the Mormon Church." I said that I was always a "Mormon". With that you could almost hear the groan. I, sadly, didn't know what to say. I wasn't a RM as I never went on a mission. I wasn't as well versed. I'm not trying to convert her. If she comes around herself...great. I want there to be a lack of tension as I gain visitation over the summers. I don't want to have her brainwash my boys (9 and almost 12). I would like to get them involved in Scouting and whatever Church functions that happen over the summer without too much contention. I want to plant seeds here. Not force. Is there any advice of where I can look or what I can say to her to keep things light (and possibly plant seeds)? Thank you in advance for your help in this. I know that your help will be a blessing to both my family as well as to you.