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prisonchaplain posted a topic in Current EventsA new study shows that children of heterosexual parents do better. It factors out the typical reasons offered (bullying, adoption, etc.), and suggests that the primary factor is a child's biological connection to both parents. Of course, this is impossible when the couple are same-sex. http://www.christianpost.com/news/another-gay-parenting-study-finds-children-do-best-with-mom-and-dad-will-the-supreme-court-care-133939/
I am an adult adopted child that was sealed to my adoptive family. This is very troubling to me as i don't fit in to my adopted family, and feel like this sealing ordinance is an eternal sentence. Every time there are lessons on family history or temple work (which is almost every Sunday it seems) these feelings are brought back to the surface. Can an adopted child get the sealing to the adopted parents cancelled? I have asked my Bishop, but his answer was to have faith and it will all work out. Unfortunately this brings me no comfort.
Guest posted a topic in Current EventsThere is an advancing bill in Russia to completely stop all adoptions to families in the United States. Russian anti-U.S. adoption bill advances, goes to Putin for signing - CNN.com This is an issue that personally hits very close to home. Some of our dearest friends have adopted a little boy with Down Syndrome from a Russian orphanage. His family, like so many of children with imperfections or disabilities, abandoned him. He is lucky to be in a baby home where they have given him love, care, and enough food. But at 3 or 4 years old, they move them to adult mental institutions, where they are left to fend for themselves, fed barely enough to survive, and deprived of basic hygiene and mostly, humane love. It is a bleak and miserable existence for them; but Russia doesn't see the value in these people and so they warehouse them away until they die. The problem for our friends and their son is that, while he is technically legally theirs, he isn't home yet. They've been to court, the judge has signed the papers. But they were in the middle of a mandatory 30-day waiting period when all of this happened this week. The 30 days is to give the birth family a chance to appeal. The ones who abandoned him as an infant. They know he has an extra chromosome, but they don't know that he is vibrant, intelligent, feisty, and adoring of his new daddy (and mommy of course, but he is a daddy's boy for sure). If you would like to say an extra prayer for the P family, they could use it, as could other families in their situation. The Department of State is fighting for them today and needs God in their corner. If you would like to sign a petition, one can be found here: Voice of the Child Petition I don't know how much value Vladmir Putin would put on a petition signed mostly by US citizens, but it helped me feel better to put my name to it.
Yesterday all I was doing was calling my mom to ask her never to get rid of the grand piano she has at her house because some day I would like to have it. None of my sisters play anymore, and I don't due to lack of space for even a keyboard in our apartment right now, but I would love to when we have the room. Well, I never even got to that question because, due to a series of recent events, my mom had some news to tell me. My twin sister and I were adopted by my mom and dad 9 months after we were born. I'm not totally shocked by the news though. I kind of figured it out growing up. One thing led to another. My oldest sister is 21 years older than me, so when I was growing up there was the rumor that she was my mother. She's not, but that rumor planted a seed when I was about 8 or so. There was a cousin-by-marriage, Stephanie. Her dad married my mom's sister, so that made her my aunt's step-daughter. My aunt and her dad divorced after maybe 7 years or so, when Stephanie was around 15 or so. She's my birth mother. When I was old enough to acknowledge meeting her, I'm not sure how old I was, but my oldest sister and my dad both mentioned this, I told them I thought I looked so much like "that girl." ...I'll admit it, there are some strikingly similar features. ...When my mom (the one who raised me) was "pregnant" with my sister and me, I remember looking back at photos thinking, "She doesn't look pregnant." So I asked her about it. She'd always blow off my questions. I think it made her nervous. Well, of course it did. I talked to her about it yesterday and she said she never knew when or how she was going to tell us, but... Last week, my twin sister got a mysterious phone call (we believe it was from my dad's new wife; she's kind of malicious; my dad and mom don't have the best relationship since their divorce, in fact, it's finalized, yet they're still in court trying to figure out some sort of real settlement as far as $$$ goes; oh, my mom called the phone company and got some information that makes us REALLY believe it was her) from a blocked number saying she was sorry we had to find out this way, but Stephanie was our mother. I thought it was crap at the time. I guess I didn't want to believe it. Plus, my sister has developmental issues and people are always trying specifically to mess with her. And then people are just trying to tear our family apart in general. No joke, my extended family is full of some hateful people who have done and said some terrible things specifically to my mom, sisters, and myself in the past. Also, around the same time as the phone call, my sister had went to get interviewed for SSI. She got a letter back in the mail stating that she hadn't listed a previous name, but they found one attached to her name. ...My sister's name is Allison, by the way (mine's Jessica). Well, her SSN had the name "Allison Michelle R****" attached to it. The last name being the same as Stephanie's before she got married a few years ago. ...I still didn't want to put two and two together. Stephanie has a sister named Michelle. Oh gosh, I just didn't want to think about it so I told my sister that was jacked up and she just needed to forget about it because even if it was true it doesn't change who our parents actually are. Plus, I don't have any other previous names associated with my SSN, aside from my maiden name. Well, that whole bit was true, obviously. For whatever reason, when the adoption went through, both of our previous names (Allison Michelle and mine was Jessica Candace after another one of Stephanie's sisters; our first names were kept the same, but my mom changed our middle names; mine is now Claramarie, Clara after Stephanie's mother, Marie is Stephanie's middle name, so it's interesting. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but my husband always thought my middle name was lame because it "didn't mean something," it wasn't "a family name." My husband's family is huge on using family names as middle names, so I'm just glad mine has meaning now) were not supposed to be listed, the records were apparently supposed to be swept clean, pretty much. Mine was, I guess; my sister's wasn't, so that just added fuel to the fire in my mind. And STILL I didn't want to believe it! Anyway, my mom called and told me a lot of things. That when my aunt was married to Stephanie's dad, she was a mean, mean step-mother. Worse than Cinderella. She'd abuse them, get them in trouble with their dad by lying about things they supposedly did, etc. so my mom felt like she needed to step in and be caring to Stephanie and her sisters. Plus, Stephanie's mother, killed herself and it was traumatizing. When Stephanie was 7, she found her mom dead and my mom always thought it was just something she needed to do, be there for Stephanie, because she never really had her mother growing up and my aunt didn't do such a great job either. Well, when Stephanie was 18 and pregnant, had no health insurance, didn't know who the father was (so, no, I have no idea who my birth father is; my mom's not sure if Stephanie ever found out anyway), and suddenly went into labor 4 months prematurely with twins, she called my mom. My mom rushed to the hospital, was there when my sister and I were born, and came to the hospital every day, lunch hour, and night until we were released around our actual due date. We were born in December, due in April the next year. Initially what Stephanie was going to do was take my sister and me, and move in with my mom, dad, and sisters temporarily until she could get on her feet. Well, she never did do that. Instead she told my mom she had some place to stay (her dad kicked her out of the house, by the way, which was why my mom offered up her home to her). But before the eventual decline of the offer, arrangements were made for my parents to become foster parents, regardless of Stephanie's being there they still needed to do so if we were going to be living with them. Which is why when we were released from the hospital, we didn't go home with Stephanie. We went home with my mom and dad. During the time we were in the hospital, Stephanie decided she couldn't "do it," raise us, so she was going to give us up for adoption but didn't want my sister and me separated. She knew that if the state took us over, they probably would have because "nobody would want a healthy baby plus the responsibility of a child with special needs." Maybe that was true, maybe it wasn't. But it never became an issue because my parents and sisters discussed it and they wanted to take us into their family. The adoption didn't go through for about 5 more months after that though, so my mom was always worried that Stephanie would change her mind, but she didn't. We were legally adopted into the family in September of 1989. Stephanie told my mom that if my mom wanted a closed adoption, she'd stay away, but that never became a problem because my mom has so much love in her heart that Stephanie was around every now and then when I was growing up, I just knew her as my cousin. I'm 22 years old and I'm glad I found out when I did. Had I been in my pre-teen or teen years, I probably would have not handled this situation the way that I did. Of course I cried. I suddenly panicked that my family would feel like they didn't need to love me anymore because now the cat was out of the bag, I didn't really belong. ...But I quickly put all of my fears aside. God had a plan for my sister and me. He gave us a life. Like I said before, Stephanie didn't have health insurance, my sister and I only had a 5% chance of living; but my parents stepped in and took care of us from the get-go. It's thanks to them that we're still around today. I'm so appreciative of them, and of my sisters, too. We've had some amazing times growing up. I've been blessed with so many things that I shouldn't even have. It's funny, but now I feel "special" in a good way. Special because this family who didn't need to love my sister and me, didn't need to bring us into their hearts and home, did and still do every day. Nothing changes how I feel about my mom, dad, or sisters. They were worried the truth might. Well, my mom and sisters were. My dad, I personally think he had something to do with the whole ordeal getting out as he threatened my mom throughout the years that he was going to tell us, when she wasn't ready to, and knowing his personality and what he's done, I'm guessing he's probably happy to be rid of us for good now that we know we're not really his daughters (he left my mom, sisters and myself when I was 8, by the way, and hasn't had too much to do with us since). Despite all of that, I still love the guy. But yeah, it's kind of interesting to find this news out over the phone and be so far away from my family. I'm in Idaho, they're in Wisconsin. So I'm going home in a few weeks for a wedding and all I want to do is give my mom and sisters hugs and give them a million thanks for loving me and Allison the way that they have. :) Oh, and I guess to create more of a discussion: 1) Is it terrible of me if I don't want to really seek out a mother/daughter relationship with Stephanie? She did mention over the years that she wasn't really looking to start one with us, that things were fine the way that they were. I'm just nervous that the pressure will be on from others to do so. 2) Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you feel? I do still feel a little bit weirded out by it all, it's a lot to take it; what can I do to make myself feel more comfortable about it all? EDIT: 3) Is this something that I should tell my children some day? I guess that's more of a personal decision and nobody here can give me a yes or no. It's not like I feel it needs to be kept a secret, but I'm wondering how they would then feel about my family? I'm not sure how this affects children of adoptees (I just made up a word!), if it ever does at all. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? EDIT: A few more thoughts: my mom is so, so, soooo amazing. She has enough love in her heart to love her 3 birth daughters (my older sisters) AND my twin sister and me all equally! Now, I've always wanted to adopt, regardless of the fact I've got my own child, but my husband throws out the "Yeah, but you'd love your birth children more than your adopted ones" as if that's going to kill the desire. Well, now I know for a fact that I can have the same love in my heart and love all of my children equally, regardless of where they come from, if we ever do adopt! Also interestingly enough, as most people know, I'm a convert. My family is Lutheran, not LDS. Yet, God knew he was putting me into a family that would set me up with the basics of the gospel so that when I was old enough to make a decision, I would choose His Church. :) This makes me happy. It's amazing how things work out!