annalyn

I understand where you are coming from. I grew up in a broken home, dirt poor, was constantly depressed and anxious, etc. As a teenager I never did drugs or anything but I did end up having a child out of wedlock, which is a big Taboo in the LDS church. Repenting can be hard sometimes (especially restitution), but really being forgiven is pretty easy. The Lord sees your heart ans is merciful. The hard part is forgiving yourself which is what it sounds like you need to do. News flash: You aren't perfect. Neither am I. Neither is anybody. That is why we repent. And in the areas that we are trying but aren't quite there, the Lord's grace is sufficient for us. As long as you try, his grace is sufficient. You have to have faith that the atonement can work for YOU. That Christ atoned specifically for YOU. That he would do it again for YOU alone (I know he would). Ultimately, the more straight and narrow your path gets, the harder Satan will try to put things in your way and cause you to veer off. He wants you to feel this way. He wants you to feel unworthy. Trust in the Lord's atonement. Believe in his grace. He can make up for any imperfection you have as long as you are trying. Not serving a mission is not the end of the world. My brother didn't and I watched him get married in the temple last year. As for higher education, what's stopping you? I was a drop-out and I still went to college (still working on my degree). Get a certificate of completion or go for an associate's. There is so much to choose from. Start with a community college. Get financial aid if you can. This can solve your money problem too, since later you will have more career opportunities. NEVER stop working on improving yourself. Ask your bishop about education and career resources. There are a lot of services through the church that can help you get on track. I don't have much advice about the unresolved criminal background, but don't beat yourself up too much. Resolve what you can, don't worry about what you can't. Do good from now on. Put good things on your resume so you can prove that you have changed. A lot of employers will still hire someone with a criminal background, especially if they have been doing service and good things. Instead of worrying about the future, just think about what you can do right this very moment to improve. If you do that, the future will resolve itself. So many people in the scriptures changed their worldly ways and went on to be the best missionaries and teachers and prophets out there! Don't ever lose hope. Your soul is worth worlds and Christ would love to see you sealed in the temple. You don't have to be perfect now. Don't wait until everything is completely resolved to start living your life and looking for a companion. This fits more for my situation than yours but don't you think if Rahab the prostitute was in the lineage of King David and Jesus, and King David and Bathsheba's son turned out to be King Solomon who was easily the wisest person who ever lived, you have the potential for celestial marriage and an amazing posterity too? Don't you think if Alma the younger can repent and be forgiven then you can too? I think so. :) I'm now sealed in the Temple after everything I went through. It was a crazy road but it was worth it. I hope you get there someday too.

Well, to be honest, you are still young. Maybe you just need a few more years. Plenty of people get married and have kids in their 30's and 40's. Here is Utah (where everyone is young and married including me. I'm 22 and have an almost 4 year old!) I have a neighbor who is the same age as my mom (45-46 ish) and started having kids when she was 38 or 39. She has 4 now. She got married later in life after schooling and everything. In our family it's all about getting married and having kids young (Grandma's were 17 and 20, mom was 19 or 20, sister was 19, I was 21, etc.). In my husband's family they are all older (Husband was 28 when I married him, brother and sister were both in their mid 30's and they don't have kids yet either). Don't rush. Right now, the time may not be right. But in a few years? Maybe it will be. Or not. The Lord has a plan for you even if it's different from the mainstream. Keep praying, do what is right, and the answers will come in the Lord's own time. I can't say what's right for you. But I can say, that if you are content doing what you are doing, then don't worry too much. As long as you are trying to keep the commandments as best you can, everything will fall into place.

None of this is new in our family. We have already taken self-defense classes and CWP's, etc. Nothing wrong with knowing how to defend yourself.