[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

11 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Concerning the original post, if you are sensing that you need to be more open, then ask the Spirit to help you with that. On the other hand, do NOT feel obligated to date a boy just because he was brave enough to ask. Sometimes--perhaps often--you just know that a person is not right for you. We do not marry most of our first dates, but we generally end up marrying one of them (except @anatess2 of course). So, feel free to say "no," if he does not seem right.

The above is not a man's or woman's perspective, but that of a dad.  🙂

Thank you! 

I think I havent told in the post why i rejected the two guys. 

1st guy - Explained to me later (coz we were texting for a few mos regularly) that if we ever end up together, he would like to get married in a year or so. Explained to me he was feeling kind of missing out something bc at 28, he isn't settling down still. I felt aghast by that. It was too quick, too straigthtforward. we havent even had our first date together! 

2nd guy - Asked if he could court me. He's looking for a relationship. I said NO because college was taking a toll on me 2 years ago and maybe I was judgmental about him as well. (My fault, my fault). 2 years later, he asks me out now. Now i dont know why I would reject him. ...

[I need help explaining repentance to my sister]

9 hours ago, JayKi said:

But she has a resilience to repent and speak to church leader I think she had bad past experience, but she told me she want to be active again because her son is almost 7 and she want him to be a member when he 9. 

Ask her and explore her feelings. What is driving her back from truly repenting? You mentioned she felt she couldn't repent because she already had a son. How about the other underlying reasons? Ask her too what is holding her back to see a Bishop. 

Some people prefer not to approach the Bishop because they feel embarrassed or shameful, or thought it is not necessary. From the looks of it, she has a desire to repent and go back to church, but something seems to be holding her back from approaching the Bishop. You may help by exploring her feelings and help from there. 

We should also consider that despite of the enlightenment and our admonition you may be providing to your sister, she also has the freedom to decide what she has to do. Maybe it won't be now, maybe in the future she will be better determined and prepared to repent. Sometimes, the Lord has His own timing. Your duty for now is to guide your sister in understanding the process of repentance so she can decide for herself. Dispel all the myths she has about repentance. Talk and demonstrate compassion and understanding. You may also inform a Church leader and ask for guidance on how you can better help her. Pray and find out through the Spirit how to be able to reach out to her. Tell her that the bishop holds the priesthood keys to help her to repent fully. 

[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

12 hours ago, anatess2 said:

I have a different opinion than @BeccaKirstyn. 

I believe going on dates to get to know someone is... blah.  You get to know someone putting on their best behavior.  Nah.  You get to know someone down in the trenches pulling all-nighters at a hurricane shelter or something.

I said No to everybody asking me out on dates.  You wanna get to know me?  Join my friends.  And that's how I got to know my husband.  We became friends and we worked together volunteering to help Bosnian refugees assimilate.  2 years later, he asked me out on a date (as in, he took me somewhere without the rest of our friends - which happened to be to sacrament meeting at his Church - I was Catholic then) and a few weeks later we got married.

You have such a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing!!!!

[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

2 hours ago, Lost Boy said:

As a guy, it sucks that we are the ones expected to ask someone out. For some of us it takes a lot of courage. Some of us are introverts that would treat you like a queen and be the best friend you ever had, but asking for a first date can be a very stressful and difficult task. 

And then rejection... 

I am grateful that my daughters don't turn any guys down on the first date. 

Thanks for offering a guy perspective. Made me realize some things. I'll keep this in mind. Thank you!

[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

12 hours ago, estradling75 said:

To answer the question in the subject...  How do you expect to find an eternal companion without having a first date?   Now you say you are not looking for that right now which is fine, but it has been my experience that the Lord's plan and my plans do not always match up and I need be ready to drop mine.

Now this does not mean that you need to treat every first date as "THE ONE" because the majority will not be.  Instead use the first date to have fun, to learn and experience new things, get to know what you really want in a potential spouse, to learn whatever lessons God wants you to learn so that you can be ready when the time comes.  You can't do that if you are rejecting all the learning/training opportunities that the Lord wants to send you first.

Thank you so much. I realized a lot of things and maybe in the future,  if I get invitations to dates again, I'll keep this in mind. I've thought there was something wrong about what I'm doing and you guys helped me out, thank you!

[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

13 hours ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Out of everything, I think it's important to say yes to all first dates (barring any major red flags about the guy) out of pure decency. The guy had the courage to ask you out (it is not easy!) and it is respectful to say yes. It is not their fault that you feel a heavy burden about first dates. 

Stop looking at 1 date as the future of your entire relationship with that person. They could go on a date with you and realize that you weren't what they were expecting and not want a second date. And then all your fears and worries were for nothing.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I know from experience that these men (around the age you have stated) are getting more and more let down by women who say no to them asking girls out. And eventually they just stop dating all together because of it. Now, I think they should get over themselves. But at the same time I think women need to stop saying no to 1st dates. You try asking a guy out you like, and him rejecting you. It hurts. 

A 1st date is just about getting to know the other person. If you don't feel like you want to continue to get to know them after that, then you can say no to any future dates. But give yourself and the guy a chance. You have to practice dating, otherwise you're not prepared for marriage in any way. And practicing=going on dates. 

Had a block hit my head. I knew there was something wrong about being reluctant to first dates and always thought I was doing something contrary that involves the Lord (I cant phrase it well...) , so there it is, I received a confirmation. Thank you so much. Yeah, I need to do some 'practice' in order to prepare myself. And that involves overcoming my fears and anxieties with first dates. 

Thanks a bunch. 

[I need help explaining repentance to my sister]

I advise her to speak to the bishop and to seek his guidance. She may have broken the law of chastity and had a son, but she can still repent fully. Repentance is going back to the path the Lord has set for us, and by going back, there are huge adjustments to make. The Lord will take care of her as long as she fully repents. I know He has a plan for her if she really decides to be an active member again. You can tell her her son will no way stop her from repenting. She had a son in effect of her decisions and actions but he is not a liability nor a negative thing in her life. Again, she can best speak with the Bishop about this matter. 

 

[Am I missing out something by rejecting dates?]

Hey, I'm a 21-year-old sister. I was in a relationship with a nonmember when I was 19 and ended up breaking up because of stuff, and now I've been single for two years.

I had two guys ask me out: one a RM who is 8-year-older than me and then another one who is also a member (he' 26 now). The latter guy asked me out again 2 years later (which is now) even after I rejected him before. He said he'd wait until I am available. :l 

I did reject the first guy (even though he liked me a lot) because I feel like I wasn't ready for a steady relationship and he seemed to be looking for a wife already. And I'm only 21, fresh out of college, and just started my new job. They only wanted a date, but I rejected them right away. They say first dates aren't supposed to be preoccupied about bc you're actually getting to know the person first before anything. I'm just afraid it will blow up into something serious and I don't feel ready for the responsibilities. Also, going on dates feels awkward for me. I'm also an introverted person and generally cautious of people and guys, especially after I had my first heartbreak :(

Am I missing out on things? I visualize myself rejecting another guy who'll ask me out out of the same fears and feeling of not being prepared for the emotional and 'financial' demands of a possible relationship. I also live in a family where young adults being on a steady relationship at my age (or within the 20-23 year old age range) is being frowned upon because elders would say: You're too young to be committed OR you have to help your family first before dating OR you shouldn't be committed at that age yet OR wait until you're 25 or something. 

P.S. My family is mostly Mormons, but of course our culture also blends in.