Petty3

Jane_Doe, What you said makes sense. It does hurt to thaw. I think what really bothers me is that even attending church or the temple I still can't feel the spirit. I just don't understand why. I have been trying to decide if all the work is worth it.

I have adjusted and reviewed the medication quite frequently. A few months ago on my own I stopped taking it and became suicidal. I meet with a psychiatrist every few months now to review the medication. I feel like what I'm taking now is working. Sometimes I feel like crying but I am unable to. I don't feel in touch with my feelings. And I feel like my bishop is done with me. I don't think he wants me to bother him anymore with my concerns and I understand because things don't seem to be getting any better...if anything they seem worse.

Thanks mormongator. I'm actually female but I didn't make that clear. I realize there's no shame in taking medication. I've had things switched around until we finally feel like I'm on the right one. I just don't like how it makes me feel - or rather that I don't seem to feel anything. I know people say heavenly father doesn't desert his children but that's sure how it feels. I hate not feeling like he cares for me or answers my prayers.

I have grown up in the church, served a mission and married in the temple. When I was 12 my dad sexually abused me. Now I'm in my 40's and the past that I buried has come to light and I have had a tough year as I've been dealing with this. A year ago I started antidepressants. I have met with my bishop and have been seeing a counselor. Sometimes I have felt like I've improved but lately I'm struggling again. I continue attending church but my heart hasn't been in it. I feel like the medication takes away my ability to feel the spirit. It's hard to keep doing everything when you haven't felt the spirit in so long. I feel deserted by heavenly father. I am confused and am questioning the truthfulness of the gospel. I feel like I've lost my testimony but I don't want to continue on like this. What can I do?

My bishop has already told me that he would give me a recommend to get a new one. I have been struggling with a few things and am trying to build my faith before going ahead with it. I just never had heard of it being done before.

Has anyone ever known of anyone receiving a 2nd Patriarchal blessing? I know it's been done because the lineage was left out. But have you ever heard of it happening because a person was not comfortable with their original one?

I do the bulletin for my ward. I didn't use a templete just created 2 columns in a word doc. But one thing I do that my ward seems to love is I have the primary children and the youth design the front cover. I scan their pictures each week. They love seeing their drawings and I love watching the children color the pictures. Good luck.

Recently I was in a meeting with 10 people including the bishop. Without going into too many details, this meeting right from the start took a different direction than I expected. And then at one point the bishop wanted opinions and advice about something. He specifically called on certain people to give their advice. I raised my hand but was ignored. One time I started talking but was interrupted. I'm trying to not take this personally. I'm feeling like I don't matter and that my bishop doesn't trust me. I have respect for the people that were in the meeting but have replayed how things went and it's frustrating to me. I'm wondering if I should speak to my bishop or just let it go? I have been feeling vulnerable because of other unrelated things in my life and now I feel even worse. Any advice?