Brie

I have not. Good idea. Thank you. I think part of me doesn't want to reach out to leaders in my life because they will try and convince me to stay in the calling, and I so badly want to be free of it. I know she will probably have good advice though, so I need to get over myself.

I really do appreciate it. It's worth more than you may realize.

Good points. Another added stress is that one of my counselors is completely MIA, impossible to get a hold of. She is a lovely girl with so much positivity and light to give, but she's also the flakiest person I know. My other counselor is always around, but whenever I ask her to help me out, she always is "busy". Always. So perhaps I need to reevaluate my counselors, but I also feel as if it's not my place. Obviously it is, but it just feels so harsh to them. I love them as people but as counselors they are not giving me the help I need. I've tried talking to them about it several times. They make promises and everything stays the same.

Hi All, This is my first post on this forum so bear with me. I am the Relief Society president in my YSA ward. I have had the calling for about 7 months now. I accepted the calling with quite a bit of hesitancy - I am not typically the personality that you would think of when it comes to the job. I enjoy dark, irreverent humor and I am often described as an odd duck. I like it that way. However, I had been endowed a couple of months prior and felt I was on a spiritual high, and I thought I could be a great resource to the girls in the ward as I am a good listener and I'm pretty good at being nonjudgmental. I also felt very close to my Bishop that I would be serving with. The day I was sustained, it was announced that there would be a new bishopric. Okay, no big deal - I will support my leadership and I'm sure they'll do wonderfully. We got along alright, especially with the counselors. However, over time Bishop and I started butting heads. In order for me to be sane in this calling, I wanted to be ME. My own best version of RS president. However, he had a different vision - he wanted me to be a very cookie cutter version of myself, doing things in a way he was familiar with. I struggled, but I believe I was called for a reason. I was motivated to do good by my ward and by the Lord. A LOT of things in my life started changing though. I had been dating a guy long-distance that I had met on Mutual (Mormon dating app) before even getting the calling, but it started getting more serious. In addition, I got my first big girl job (which as someone with MAJOR job anxiety was a HUGE deal for me), and life just got busy. I started enjoying church less and less, because Ward Council would always end on a very sour note. I became FAR less engaged in the ward than I had been, except for a few very close friends. But I continued to trek on in the calling. I did what needed to be done. I reached out to those I felt prompted to. But. For the past good while, I have felt COMPLETELY disengaged from this calling. I want so badly to salvage my testimony, but I feel so overwhelmed by the responsibilities of it all. In addition, I have been struggling with issues that I struggled with when I was inactive. To much lesser degrees, but still. It's a vicious cycle - I felt a disconnect from the gospel despite this wonderful calling, so I'd make choices that pushed me farther away, then I'd feel even farther away, etc etc. In addition, because of my past inactivity, my family (who I live with) always assumes that if I make one little mistake or do something they disapprove of, I must be committing horrible sins, because I have in the past... But I have repented of those sins. It hurts to see the lack of trust. For example, when I visited my boyfriend, they assumed that we were breaking the law of chastity and being irresponsible. Simply not the case. Anyway, this is so rambling, I apologize. I'll get to the point. At this time in my life, I am struggling with my calling and I honestly believe it is harming my relationship with the gospel. I also know I am not making the best choices, but it's nothing that would call for me to be released. It still is hard to deal with with all the added pressure however. I just feel as if I'm being forced into a little box and it makes me want to punch my way out and run away! But I don't want to leave. I want to remain active and good and faithful. But in my position, it is so hard. Also, the fact that I've had several quite negative run-ins with my bishop, as well as hearing him talk about others in their failures/faults, does not make me comfortable expressing all of this to him. At. All. Basically I'm a hot mess. The only person I've expressed all this to is my boyfriend. But he's probably sick of hearing it and I'd love to hear what you guys have to say. Thanks.