BetrayedLDShusband

This was, very, very helpful. Thank you. So simple, but so true.....

I am shattered… I’m looking for any help, support, thoughts, prayers, or advice from anyone who may have been through something similar—or knows someone who has been through something similar—or who just has something they want to share with me that may help… I won’t go into too many details except to say that my wife of 11 years has been involved in what’s called an “emotional affair” for a third of our marriage—3 and a half years. That emotional affair also became physical, including hand-holding, embracing, and open-mouthed passionate kissing on three occasions. If you’re unsure what an emotional affair is, I urge you to Google it—there’s a wealth of information out there from healthcare professionals. There’s also an Ensign article that explains it well: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2009/09/fidelity-in-marriage-its-more-than-you-think?lang=eng The emotional affair involved an ex-boyfriend from when my wife was 15. He contacted her 3½ years ago. After a short time, he confessed that he had always loved her. My wife is temple worthy, yet she started confessing that she has always loved him too. They began calling and texting frequently. They occasionally met up in secret. They deleted text messages and cleared their call history. They even discussed how to minimise their relationship in case they were caught. Six months after passionately kissing him, my wife had her temple recommend interview. She didn’t confess the affair. When asked, she said she didn’t really feel guilty and didn’t think it was that bad—“just friends catching up.” To give full context—she never, ever confessed. The man she was involved with—his wife found out and exposed the affair. At that time, his wife knew only about 20% of the details. It was only through persistent, painful questioning on my part that I uncovered probably 90–95% of what actually happened. Still—my wife never confessed. She’s been defensive, rationalising, justifying, minimising. She keeps saying, “Everyone’s overreacting! It was just friends catching up! It wasn’t an affair!” I asked our Bishop to meet with her. He’s taken her temple recommend, but has only seen her twice. The most disturbing part to me—she has shown no remorse. The man she was involved with—who is not a Christian, does not hold a temple recommend—has been sobbing, repentant, remorseful. He can’t even look into his wife’s eyes without breaking down. He said there’s no excuse for what he did and he wishes he had been a stronger man. But my wife? She’s the opposite. Always defensive. She’s only texted once that she’s sorry. Only said once, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” But there’s been no heartfelt apology. No genuine remorse. No godly sorrow. So here is my question: As a temple-worthy Latter-day Saint woman, who willingly, knowingly, and intentionally involved herself in a deep emotional affair with a married man—where they both confessed they had always loved each other, and where they became physically intimate through passionate kissing—has she broken the Law of Chastity? We are told clearly in the temple that the Law of Chastity is to have no sexual relations outside of marriage. There has obviously been emotional infidelity, and the Ensign article strongly suggests spiritual infidelity as well. But they also engaged in passionate kissing, which to me crosses the line into physical infidelity. My question is—is this considered sexual? Has anyone else been through something similar? Maybe your husband or wife had an emotional affair, and there was kissing but no sexual intercourse? I’m just trying to get my head around all of this. I am experiencing pain, trauma, shock, and confusion like I have never experienced in my life. Any advice, help, support, or prayers would be deeply appreciated.