"Reaching Out to Less-Actives"

[Hemidakota]

Meridian Magazine ::Missionary Journal : The Miracle of Mending: Reaching Out to Less Actives

Snippet:

The story of the lamp can be applied to ourselves. We, as followers of Christ, have been called the “light of the world.” But our lamps are fragile; they can be broken. Thankfully, our own experience showed me that broken lamps can be fixed. Here are twelve observations, based on the allegory of the broken lamp:

[Misshalfway]

Why is working with less actives such an intimidating experience? Why do we shy away from people who appear to us as descending? Why do we judge based upon such little information? And then huddle in our groups or Q's and discuss them as if they are not really there?

Does the love in our hearts just freeze up? Was it never matured enough in the first place? What are we so afraid of? That someone will disagree with us or find fault with something we love? Like that is anything knew or anything to be feared! A sure testimony defies fear. Why is it that we react this way without even finding out what the problem may be?

I guess my question is where is the love? Not to mention patience, understanding, empathy, and Spirit!

I wonder how many less actives feel like the lepers of old......as all the "actives" run around pointing and silently yelling "unclean"!

Edited June 18, 2008 by Misshalfway

[lds9999]

For me, it can be intimidating usually because I am worried that I might somehow offend them by my reaching out, and thereby push them farther away from the Church.

[Misshalfway]

People have their agency. Love works together with agency. It is kind and long suffering and patient. That means patient with choices and reactions whatever they may be. That means allowing people to move away and still maintaining friendship and acceptance and disciplining our ever incessant need to judge.

I think the only time reaching out pushes people farther away from the church is when the action comes from an overture of condemnation or ultimatum or impatience or sanctimony.

If we genuinely love people, and I mean seeing who they are not necessarily what they do, the warmth and connection will defy all offense. You ever been with a person who really cared about you and then chose to reject them? Not saying it doesn't happen, just saying it is much less likely. When someone feels the love of the Savior, they are never the same. We love Him, because He first loved us!

[Iggy]

I was an inactive. For nearly 28 years. My family never treated my with kid gloves either.

For 20 years I had the same Home Teacher/Visiting Teachers - can you believe that? No way that is happening now, with the way they swap VT and HT around so much- what a wrong way of doing that.

My HT/VT loved me unconditionally. I received a letter every month (my request because Husband #1 would have made life miserable and painful had any one from the Church visited)

I could call them at any time, talk for as long as I needed. They would pick me up when my car died. I remember reading a book that bashed the LDS. I called my HT up and cried, railed and ranted about it. Why didn't the Church sue the publisher, the author, why was this allowed to go to print? He patiently explained, and calmed me down. I ripped the cover off the paperback, tossed the book into the burning barrel and kept the cover so I would never again purchase a book by this author. I was going to boycott the publisher - but that proved to be silly.

My husband and I have been given mostly in-actives. Two are rather nasty- we have given them the literature for them to fill out and sign, then a stamped envelope so that they can mail in their request to be removed from the Church records. They have never done this.

When we go back, we tell them that isn't this why they joined the Church in the first place- because we love each other, take care of each other, that we live, eat, breathe, sleep, the doctrines of the Church 24/7!

If you are not - that is your problem - it is between you and Heavenly Father. We aren't here to be judge and jury. We are here to see if you need anything that we can help with. We are here because Father has prompted us to be. Can we be of any assistance to you? Ask, the worst that can happen is we say we can't do that, but we will find someone who can.

My HT/VT called my bluff- and they did so with love and charity. They are a very big part of my life to this day. They are in Oregon, I am in Arizona. I remember their anniversaries, birthdays, Father's and Mother's day. All holidays. They only have two children still living. One has disowned them the other ignores them. I have adopted them as my parents, siblings and best friends.

Here in Arizona, I know who our HT's are- Haven't heard or seen them in over 8 months. Now my VT - I email her all the time, we go out to lunch once a month, or she comes here to the house. I have never seen or talked to her VT companion except once. Neither has my VT!!

Treat in actives the same way you do actives. Cut out the PC crap and be honest with them. Call their bluff. Invite them to activities, offer to pick them up for activities. Listen to them when they talk. If a spouse is a non-member, find out if you being there makes the non-member spouse mad. If it does, then ask if you can send mail with OUT the church's return address on it. Ask if you can take them out to lunch, or bring them to your house for a visit. Be there without being a pain about it.

Remember their birthdays, and those of their children and spouse. Remember them on holidays- a card is sufficient and works miracles.

Remember them in your daily prayers.

Love them unconditionally.

[bytor2112]

Iggy- I was inactive for 21 years. I have been active for 3years and three months! Over the inactive years I had the occasional Ht, missionary or Bishop stop by. But never a real effort to activate me and my family. We were polite and so were they. A neighbor stopped by to welcome me to the neighborhood 3 years and five months ago. He was a Stake President and as it turned out we were on his inactive list. It seemed like every time I went outside this guy was at my house. Not preaching, just trying to be a friend. He helped me lay sod, even gave me some of his grass. He called me, came over with the missionaries and set in on my kids discussions and did everything but physically drag me to church. He is now one of my best friends! He went to the Temple with me and my family. Because he was so diligent, we have been active for over three years, I have only missed a couple of Sundays due to illness. My wife and kids and I have been sealed in the Temple, my kids hold the Priesthood and I baptized my mom and grandmother. all because he went the extra mail with a 21 year inactive member.

[Misshalfway]

Bytor..... if you don't mind, may I ask a question?

Had someone from the church made a real, loving friendship with you with the agenda of helping to activate you, would you have come back to the church sooner? What would that "real effort" have looked like for you?

[Misshalfway]

I am afraid I have a few issues with the church on this subject. Maybe it was because of the little pocket of pride I grew up in and the way I saw LA's treated and characterized. Part of it is certainly with my own flirtings with being less active and my struggle with the discrepancy between my expectations of what my 'so called' church family would do and what has actually transpired. I would have been the easiest LA to bring back! Had someone taken the time to get to know my needs and concerns.

About a year ago, I went to the bishop in the depth of struggle and asked him directly about the Savior and about His healing power and why I wasn't feeling it. I expressed my concerns and asked for counsel. He was very kind in his response.....very matter of fact. He said, "That is not an ecclesiastical issue." I was dumb-founded. No opening of scripture, no bearing of testimony, no offering of empathy or understanding of my plight. Just, go home and work it out yourself like Alma the younger did. Which by the way isn't what happened to Alma. He had many fasting and praying for him, waiting vigil, hoping and wishing for his wellfare during those three days. And all that love came to him even after his history of persecuting the church!!

I went to the SP and asked for help. I asked that just this once, would the church come thru with support and love for my little family. Well.....not much has happened since then. I am not even sure the SP remembers who I am.

There is so much power in the HT and VTing programs! So much untapped potential! So many opportunities for reaching out into the lives of our brothers and sisters! So much good that can be done by just showing up month after month.

No one wants to be a project. Or have someone standing at the door step talking to them like they are number 25 on the LA report they just printed out. No one wants to have visitors that go thru the motions so they can check themselves off on their duty list.

Satan is working.....effectively! He is going at the heart and soul of families. He has come after mine! And for much of it, I have stood alone. With my testimony in one hand, and my lonely fist on the other.

How much easier it would have been to have a friend to lean on or to add one level of support!

I know now what loneliness feels like. I know what it is to walk alone with enemies hunting you and friends failing you. And at the end of the day, Father will turn all of this experience to good. Somehow some way.

I don't share it to rant or to condemn. Just to highlight a huge missed opportunity and the pain that has come from it and the stumbling block that it has placed in my path.....as it has helped Satan plant his doubts.

[bytor2112]

Hard to say really..... It's a real possibility. I had quite a few issues to deal with, alcohol abuse, etc. When we became active is was a bit like the perfect storm. My kids wanted to go to Church somewhere because all of their friends did, I was turning 40 and hitting a "mid life crisis" mentally and my wife really connected with one certain missionary- he was very, very spiritual. Our lives were ready for some divine intervention. Could it have happened earlier? I think so, maybe finding common ground and developing a relationship and going as slow as someone needs to go. I was interested in church but also ashamed of my past. I thought church members were perfect and would never understand my past. Thankfully, it was only my Bishop and Sp who needed to know of my past and they were awesome. So, I had a lot of misconception and did not understand the Atonement or forgiveness or the Saviour. But, the perfect storm could have happened earlier. we were always receptive to visitors, but they rarely returned. So, I would say get to know them on a level other than just spiritual and keep going back. My friend and SP REALLY cared and it showed! But, in the end, it was the Holy Spirit that came to our home with this faithful servant that got us!

[bytor2112]

Misshalfway, I am so sorry to hear that story. That was not a very inspired answer from your Bishop. I have been fortunate to have two incredibly spiritual Bishops. We share a Stake center with another ward and they are not a very warm group of people to our ward. Sometimes they act as though we are not members of the same church. I think your feelings are all to common and I believe are "ecclesiastical issues". Bearing one another's burdens and loving each other unconditionally is a Christ like attribute. My mom is experiencing this with her Ward now, she came from a really incredible Ward. I guess people and their testimonies and how they "let there light shine" vary from place to place. Hang in there, I know the Lord loves you and will bless you greatly.

[Misshalfway]

This was my LDS Gem today.....

Daily Gems

Lessons Learned from Tragedy

---------------------------------------------------

"From bearing one another's burdens as ward members, we have

learned several lessons:

"1. The Lord's organization is fully

adequate to know and care for those with even the most dire emotional and

spiritual needs.

"2. Adversity can bring us closer to God, with a

renewed and enlightened appreciation for prayer and the Atonement, which

covers pain and suffering in all their manifestations.

"3. Members

who suffer tragedy firsthand often experience an increased capacity for

love, compassion and understanding. They become the first, last, and often

the most effective responders in giving comfort and showing compassion to

others.

"4. A ward, as well as a family, draws closer together as

it endures together--what happens to one happens to

all.

"5. And perhaps most important, we can each be more

compassionate and caring because we have each had our own personal trials

and experiences to draw from. We can endure together."