Guest greatlyblessed Posted September 12, 2008 Report Share Posted September 12, 2008 (edited) I am hoping someone can help me with resources regarding difficult situations in marriage. I am familiar with Elder Oaks April 2007 talk on Divorce. I am sure there are other talks, specifically from General Authorities, out there but I am having a difficult time finding them. I am especially looking for articles that discuss situations, specifically abuse, in marraige. Thank you. Edited September 13, 2008 by greatlyblessed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slabbing Posted September 13, 2008 Report Share Posted September 13, 2008 Hi there,Here are a few that I know of:LDS.org - Ensign Article - To Heal the Shattering Consequences of AbuseLDS.org - Liahona Article - The Tongue of AngelsLDS.org - Ensign Article - Hope and Healing in Recovering from AbuseLDS.org - Ensign Article - Agency and AngerLDS.org - Ensign Article - A Conversation on Spouse AbuseLDS.org - Ensign Article - The Invisible HeartbreakerLDS.org - Ensign Article - “Judge Not†and JudgingThere are lots of others, too. I got the above links by going to lds.org. I typed in 'abuse' in the search box on the home page, selecting 'Magazines' in the drop-down box. Hope that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSIE Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 Hi i am going through a very difficult abusive marriage as well and also I have read Dallin Oaks view on divorce. But how much is a women suppose to go through before she breaks down. I have the greatest respect for the Preisthood if used righteously. But my husband is inactive and the spirit of God has left him. I cannot take much more of his controlling behaviour, so I have sought help from a phsciatrist as my Bishop will not help me and it seems that the men stick together when it comes to marriage problems and dont believe the wife. I am active and going it alone, which is very difficult as well and my 3 girls are also inactive. My family live in another town so I have no support system there either. I have faith in God and I am in no situation to leave him can someone please give me some advice on what to do. I am no longer in love with him and only have pitty that he has thrown away what could have been a special relationship and our temple marriage. SUSIE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elgama Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 I have never been in an abusive marriage but I have been in an abusive relationship - its easier in the UK but do you have a shelter nearby or some means of getting on your feet and moving out? Do you have parents you can stay with or other family members even if they are out of state? -Charley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSIE Posted November 3, 2008 Report Share Posted November 3, 2008 I have never been in an abusive marriage but I have been in an abusive relationship - its easier in the UK but do you have a shelter nearby or some means of getting on your feet and moving out? Do you have parents you can stay with or other family members even if they are out of state?-CharleyCharley thanks for your reply, but I have my family mum and dad and sister in the Church, but they do not show any charity and when I was very sick for 5 years they never even came to see me or even gave me a get well card. I was so devestated and I shall take this pain with me to my grave. I only trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as they are the only ones who care for me and have been my constant companions through my trials and tribulations. I am always the one who has to ring them to see how they are and I know that people are on different spiritual levels, but it seems to me that a lot of Gods children take the Gospel for granted and maybe I feel all I have been through has bought me closer to our saviour and I have walked in his shoes and have a very deep empathy for him and what he went through for all of us.My experience is that sometimes friends treat us better than family members of which I find very dissappointing as I am not like this at all. I did put myself into a private hospital in January for 4 weeks and rejuvinated myself and if I have to shall do this again.SUSIE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADoyle90815 Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 The reason why I'm divorced is because I married someone who was emotionally and verbally abusive. I realize that if I didn't get out when I did, the abuse would have become physical, and there's a chance that he could have killed me. As you're seeing someone, they can help support you in getting out, as well as let you know where a battered women's shelter is. It's also not that hard to get a restraining order, even if your local church leaders support him. My family was extremely supportive of me when I got the courage to leave, as well as the therapist I was seeing. I haven't had any contact with him in 6 years and I have never been happier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachelbabe86 Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 Hi, I saw your messae about leaving an abusive relationship. This is my first day on here and not sure how to send private messages, but if you want to reply privately to me you can. I was wondering how you decided that you had to leave? How bad did it get? I have been married 8 months, and starting to get really scared of my life. The fights excalate bad, the swearing and name calling is breaking my heart, it is starting to get a little more and more physical too. I am actually staying up all night, even though I have to work in the morning cause after today I am honestly scared for my life, and for my stuff, he breaks my stuff sometimes when mad, and almost broke my laptop which is the only way I can work. Who told you to leave, or did you decide yourself? I am starting to feel like one woman said, that the bishop, my counselor are on my husband side, and have basically ben told by them that God doesn't want us to break up a marriage and leave one even if the abuse is bad, which I don't get cause the abuse can turn you into a bad person, and make you really sick, and brings out the worth in yourself, and make it sooo hard to have the spirit within yourself even! So I really need a womens preception who has gone through this at what point do you need to leave, and know that it will never get better? He has improved in a ton of ways, and done alot of sweet good things for me, and makes me forget the bad for a time, but when he anger comes out it is all heck break lose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSIE Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 Dear Rachael, First of all is your husband a member of the Church and are you sealed to him for eternity? I love the D&C and have studied it from the beginning to end and keep reading it all the time as it is my favourite scripture. Please read D&C 121: 35-40 and your answer is there. Also the Lord does not expect us to stay with these abusive men as they are just bullies and only wish to control their wives making them feel all powerful but the opposite is true they are very weak men and you need to srtand up to him for yourself by using the scriptures as an example. They need to be put in their place and also go to the Lord and pray for guidence on what to do you will get a feeling about it if it is the right decision to leave or stay. But if he does not get professional help there is no way he will improve and the situation is only going to get much worse. These men put on a false self at church and come home and abuse their wives and children, plus no-one believes us because they only show to others what they want them to see. But remember dear that the :ord see's all and hears everything, and your husband has lost the spirit of the Lord and satan has entered into him and once he takes over it is an uphill battle. I have told my husband if he does not learn to respect me then there is nothing left and I shall be given to another man in the eternities if i am worthy and that seems to have made if think twice about abusing me. He is slowly starting to improve, but until he comes back to church and puts the Loed before me then I hold no hope for his salvation and I feel sorry for him as he will end up with satan as he has rejected the Lord and put him to an open shame crucifying him again. Please do not have any children by this man until you have sorted out where you are going to go from here, but you are special and a daughter of our Heavenly father and he will deal with your husband in his own way and in his own time, but you do not have to put up with this cursed abusive situation. Please feel free to write to me and we can become freinds and I wish you to know I love the Lord with all of my heart and soul. Love SUSIE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZionWoman Posted November 19, 2008 Report Share Posted November 19, 2008 I have found the "Families Under Fire" series on byutv.org to be very interesting and this post specifically about reactions for spouses in abusive situations. http://byubmp3.byu.edu/familiesunderfire/2004/10/canderson.mp3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hiddentreasures Posted November 19, 2008 Report Share Posted November 19, 2008 Thank you ZW. Your link was so helpful. Do you know if this talk is printed anywhere? I would really like to look up their references. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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