Lds Women Affected By Pornography

[Guest ForeverMommyInUtah]

Hi there,

I am a LDS stay-at-home mom who recently discovered my husband has had a 15 year problem with pornography. I am quite devastated, and we are in counseling right now. I have read several posts on this board from those of you in similar circumstances, and I thought it might be a good idea to form a special discussion group on this topic. I am calling the group "LDS Women Affected by Pornography." The description is as follows:

LDS_WAP (LDS Women Affected by Pornography)

A confidential place for Latter-day Saint women whose husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or fiancee's struggle with an addiction to looking at inappropriate "adult" pictures or movies, and/or masturbation. A great place for support and friendship.

This list is for WOMEN ONLY. This is a Pro-LDS list. No flaming, bashing or spam is allowed here. This is an online support group and comments are expected to be just that - supportive of each another.

If you have any interest in joining this discussion/support group, you may apply for membership at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LDS_WAP/

If you have any questions, you may email me at: [email protected]

Thanks!!

Kelley

[Guest bat]

How has pornography affected you?

[Jenda]

I say good luck with it. While I have never been in a relationship that had that problem (knock on wood), I can understand how women who have been involved in those kinds of relationships need support.

[Cal]

Originally posted by ForeverMommyInUtah@Sep 29 2004, 03:33 PM

Hi there,

I am a LDS stay-at-home mom who recently discovered my husband has had a 15 year problem with pornography. I am quite devastated, and we are in counseling right now. I have read several posts on this board from those of you in similar circumstances, and I thought it might be a good idea to form a special discussion group on this topic. I am calling the group "LDS Women Affected by Pornography." The description is as follows:

LDS_WAP (LDS Women Affected by Pornography)

A confidential place for Latter-day Saint women whose husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or fiancee's struggle with an addiction to looking at inappropriate "adult" pictures or movies, and/or masturbation. A great place for support and friendship.

This list is for WOMEN ONLY. This is a Pro-LDS list. No flaming, bashing or spam is allowed here. This is an online support group and comments are expected to be just that - supportive of each another.

If you have any interest in joining this discussion/support group, you may apply for membership at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LDS_WAP/

If you have any questions, you may email me at: [email protected]

Thanks!!

Kelley

Just curious about the "and/or" masturbation part. Isn't that kind of a private thing? I mean, is he doing it in public or something?

[Cal]

Originally posted by Jenda@Sep 29 2004, 04:19 PM

I say good luck with it. While I have never been in a relationship that had that problem (knock on wood), I can understand how women who have been involved in those kinds of relationships need support.

Why do they need "support". Just get the heck out of there and leave him holding the.....bag. Make sure he pays his child support.

[Guest bizabra]

Originally posted by ForeverMommyInUtah@Sep 29 2004, 03:33 PM

Hi there,

I am a LDS stay-at-home mom who recently discovered my husband has had a 15 year problem with pornography. I am quite devastated, and we are in counseling right now. I have read several posts on this board from those of you in similar circumstances, and I thought it might be a good idea to form a special discussion group on this topic. I am calling the group "LDS Women Affected by Pornography." The description is as follows:

LDS_WAP (LDS Women Affected by Pornography)

A confidential place for Latter-day Saint women whose husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or fiancee's struggle with an addiction to looking at inappropriate "adult" pictures or movies, and/or masturbation. A great place for support and friendship.

This list is for WOMEN ONLY. This is a Pro-LDS list. No flaming, bashing or spam is allowed here. This is an online support group and comments are expected to be just that - supportive of each another.

If you have any interest in joining this discussion/support group, you may apply for membership at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LDS_WAP/

If you have any questions, you may email me at: [email protected]

Thanks!!

Kelley

Hi, Kelley,

I can tell that you are very upset right now, it's evident that you are; but, could you tell us why you feel so devastated? Why does this hurt you so much?

I am truly sorry for your pain.

[Franken]

Originally posted by Cal+Sep 29 2004, 04:53 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Sep 29 2004, 04:53 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Sep 29 2004, 04:19 PM

I say good luck with it.  While I have never been in a relationship that had that problem (knock on wood), I can understand how women who have been involved in those kinds of relationships need support.

Why do they need "support". Just get the heck out of there and leave him holding the.....bag. Make sure he pays his child support.

You can't just leave your husband like that. I know people who have made it through relationships that have had much worse problems than this. Sure, it's devastating and probably makes you want to question everything you've ever known about him, but if you really did love your husband, you would know that you could forgive him.

Leaving him is the easy way out that too many people take and only later realize what a dumb idea it is.

Now I guess I don't know the exact circumstances so I can't exactly say what the best thing to do here is, but what has been said should be a basic guideline you know.

[Cal]

Originally posted by Franken+Sep 30 2004, 02:26 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Franken @ Sep 30 2004, 02:26 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

Originally posted by -Cal@Sep 29 2004, 04:53 PM

<!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Sep 29 2004, 04:19 PM

I say good luck with it.  While I have never been in a relationship that had that problem (knock on wood), I can understand how women who have been involved in those kinds of relationships need support.

Why do they need "support". Just get the heck out of there and leave him holding the.....bag. Make sure he pays his child support.

You can't just leave your husband like that. I know people who have made it through relationships that have had much worse problems than this. Sure, it's devastating and probably makes you want to question everything you've ever known about him, but if you really did love your husband, you would know that you could forgive him.

Leaving him is the easy way out that too many people take and only later realize what a dumb idea it is.

Now I guess I don't know the exact circumstances so I can't exactly say what the best thing to do here is, but what has been said should be a basic guideline you know.

Well, I say, either accept him as he is, or leave; but don't spend the rest of your life trying to change him--now that would be futile.

You see, that is the problem with a lot of women---they find the "perfect" man, and spend the rest of their lives trying to change him! Or they moan and complain about what a jerk he is. My question for them is, "Who chose him?"

[Franken]

Originally posted by Cal+Sep 30 2004, 03:36 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Sep 30 2004, 03:36 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

Originally posted by -Franken@Sep 30 2004, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by -Cal@Sep 29 2004, 04:53 PM

<!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Sep 29 2004, 04:19 PM

I say good luck with it.  While I have never been in a relationship that had that problem (knock on wood), I can understand how women who have been involved in those kinds of relationships need support.

Why do they need "support". Just get the heck out of there and leave him holding the.....bag. Make sure he pays his child support.

You can't just leave your husband like that. I know people who have made it through relationships that have had much worse problems than this. Sure, it's devastating and probably makes you want to question everything you've ever known about him, but if you really did love your husband, you would know that you could forgive him.

Leaving him is the easy way out that too many people take and only later realize what a dumb idea it is.

Now I guess I don't know the exact circumstances so I can't exactly say what the best thing to do here is, but what has been said should be a basic guideline you know.

Well, I say, either accept him as he is, or leave; but don't spend the rest of your life trying to change him--now that would be futile.

You see, that is the problem with a lot of women---they find the "perfect" man, and spend the rest of their lives trying to change him! Or they moan and complain about what a jerk he is. My question for them is, "Who chose him?"

Yet again, it really depends on the circumstances which haven't been stated yet.

[srm]

Forever, don't listen to the many here who are exmormons, antimormons and are just trying to stir up trouble. I wish you the best.

[Guest bat]

Originally posted by srm@Sep 30 2004, 05:08 PM

Forever, don't listen to the many here who are exmormons, antimormons and are just trying to stir up trouble. I wish you the best.

Don't listen to srm. He is the father of lies.

[Dravin]

You definitely aren't, your arguements aren't convincing enough.

[Guest ForeverMommyInUtah]

Thank you all for your responses. I can see that there are several here who do not believe in some things as I do. I have no problem with that whatsoever - in fact I think that is one of the wonderful things about our country. We have the freedom to voice our differing opinions and the ability to think and make decisions for ourselves.

I chose to share the group I have started (LDS_WAP) on this website for those people who also believe that pornography and/or masturbation aren't correct principles. I chose to start this group also so that I, and others, will have a SAFE and somewhat anonymous place to discuss these issues with like-minded people.

"Bat" - pornography has affected me because, as I stated in my original post, I recently discovered that my husband has had a long-term problem with it.

"Cal" - yes, masturbation is a personal thing, and discussing it is quite taboo in our society. However, for many reasons, active members of the LDS Church and its leaders feel that it is a sinful behavior. No my husband is not doing it in public, but in my opinion doing it in private is wrong too. You may feel differently about this issue and that is fine with me. You are entitled to your own opinion.

Also "Cal", just ending a marriage without a long term, serious effort to save the relationship is morally wrong, in my opinion. Don't you believe that people can change? People can repent and change their ways, and that is what I am hoping and praying for. It is what my husband is trying to do as well.

"Bizabra" thank you for your comments. It seems to me that you are not LDS, or if you are you aren't active. Because if you were, and you had just discovered your husband of 7 1/2 years had been involved in hard-core internet pornography and masturbation, you would be quite devastated too.

Back to you "Cal", I agree that far too many women try to change their men. However there is a difference between trying to get your husband to change his taste to more "elegant" clothing and music, for example, and trying to inspire him to live a more righteous life, as he had committed to do so when you were married. When you said in reference to women who whine and complain about their husbands "who choose him," that implies that someone chose a husband knowing fully all of the husband-to-be's involvements. Involvement with pornography and/or masturbation is something typically done in secret, especially among men who consider themselves religious. Even after having many discussions with my husband before we were married I NEVER had any inckling that he could have been involved in something like this. So the implications of your statement are that I shouldn't whine and complain because I knew full well what I got myself into when I married my husband, are incorrect. I had NO idea that he was involved in these things. If I had, I wouldn't have married him, at least not until he had resolved these issues and had a long period of abstaining from these behaviors.

"Franken" - I have no intention of sharing the circumstances of my situation on this public bulletin board. That is why I chose to create the private, semi-anonymous email group where these things can be discussed in a supportive environment. If you were sincere in your desire to know the circumstances of my situation then I thank you, and ask you to respect that I not share more here than I am comfortable doing.

That's all for now. Have a great night!

Kelley

[Guest bat]

Originally posted by ForeverMommyInUtah@Sep 30 2004, 08:41 PM

"Bat" - pornography has affected me because, as I stated in my original post, I recently discovered that my husband has had a long-term problem with it.

Yes, you already stated that pornography has affected you. HOW has pornography affected you? Did your husband see a picture of a naked woman and it gave you a pimple on your nose? Is it a sexual thing? Maybe he gets turned on by a picture of a woman that isn't wearing any clothes and he wants sex, and that is a bad thing? Please clarify.

[Faerie]

Good grief leave the poor woman alone!! Is it ANY of your business HOW she was affected? The church has a clear and simple stance against pornography: NO!! Many women feel betrayed and demeaned when they find their spouses or significant others looking at/acting out to pornography. To me it's a respect issue, I respect my husband enough not to lust after other men and not to go looking at naked men pictures *shudder*. He respects me enough to do the same.

If you want "religious" reasons, the web is full of quotes and talks regarding the issue. To you it's something simple as "looking at a naked woman, getting turned on, and wanting sex" which is fine and dandy as long as it's ME my husband is looking at and it's ME that's turning my husband on and that it's ME my husband is having sex w/ both physically and mentally. If he wants to look at other women and fantasize about them, he can do it as a single man. :)

My husband had a VERY bad pornography problem when I met him. Despite Cal's protests, there ARE some things in your "perfect" spouse that are simply unacceptable. I told my husband (then fiance) that if he loved me and respected me he would make a choice: a happy marriage or a cold magazine. It took a while and lots of support, but he broke the habit. He is now VERY thankful that I stood my ground on something that made me very uncomfortable as we've discussed this issue many times over the past 5 years of marriage. I didn't "change" my husband, he changed himself.

The way you guys are almost mocking this woman is unbelieveable. Telling her to just leave her husband and don't forget the child support? Good grief. Pornography addiction is devastating: but it's not the end of the world or the marriage. THAT is not an issue of "why can't you just accept your husband for who he is." It's a degrading "habit" and not one to be taken lightly.

Now, flame away bat and Cal

[Guest bat]

Wait, you had a personal problem and you made it your fiancee's problem? You are a sick sick person.

[Faerie]

Leave it up to you to twist what I said...

[Dravin]

Originally posted by Faerie@Oct 1 2004, 04:10 PM

Leave it up to you to twist what I said...

That would pretty much be Bat's reason for being on this board, some of you seem to have a bit of a blind spot concerning the nature of his postings, which is surprising.

[Guest curvette]

Originally posted by Dravin+Oct 1 2004, 04:40 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Dravin @ Oct 1 2004, 04:40 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Faerie@Oct 1 2004, 04:10 PM

Leave it up to you to twist what I said...

That would pretty much be Bat's reason for being on this board, some of you seem to have a bit of a blind spot concerning the nature of his postings, which is surprising.

Surprising? Look at the number of his postings. While bat is often contentious, those of us who have been around for awhile know that he can also be endearing and thought provoking.

[Dravin]

Look at the number of his postings.

Irrelevant really, all it means as he's been around a while, nothing more.

While bat is often contentious, those of us who have been around for awhile know that he can also be endearing and thought provoking.

He's endearing I'll give you that, mostly because he's amusing, but he spends most of his time trolling*, at least from what I've seen, but trolldom when combined with amusement tends to be forgivable and beats folks who take life 100% seriously by any stretch. :)

* I grant you it's of a more mild form than one usually experiences.

[Guest bat]

Originally posted by Dravin+Oct 1 2004, 04:40 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Dravin @ Oct 1 2004, 04:40 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Faerie@Oct 1 2004, 04:10 PM

Leave it up to you to twist what I said...

That would pretty much be Bat's reason for being on this board, some of you seem to have a bit of a blind spot concerning the nature of his postings, which is surprising.

Yes, I'm pure evil. You should tell everybody to watch out for me since they can't take care of themselves.

[Guest bat]

I accidentally saw a picture of a woman that didn't have a shirt on today. I think that I need to join a support group so that I can blame all of the burdens of the world on pornography and Satan.

[Snow]

Originally posted by bat@Oct 1 2004, 08:59 PM

I accidentally saw a picture of a woman that didn't have a shirt on today. I think that I need to join a support group so that I can blame all of the burdens of the world on pornography and Satan.

Bat,

Knock it off. No one is talking about casual brushes uses of sexy pictures. You may not know anything about it but people get addicted to hardcore porn, literally addicted like they get addicted to gambling or cocaine and it consumes marriages by destroying intimacies and fostering dishonesty. Spouse literally live a secret life apart from their wives.

Trident can tell you all about it - and no I am not just insulting him but he knows how hurtful and destructive it can all be. If you want to get educated, read up on what those wives go through and then tell them the pain and broken homes aren't real.

[Dravin]

Yes, I'm pure evil.

Nice to see you finally recognizing the truth about yourself.

[Guest bat]

I'm not going to get into a blood debate about this with you, and you know why, but I'll make a few brief comments.

Knock it off. No one is talking about casual brushes uses of sexy pictures. You may not know anything about it but people get addicted to hardcore porn, literally addicted like they get addicted to gambling or cocaine and it consumes marriages by destroying intimacies and fostering dishonesty.

Although I agree to a point that the fascination with the female body can be a bit of an addiction, it is nowhere in the league with gambling (an obsession of greed) or cocaine (a chemical addiction). The reason it consumes marriages and destroys intimacies is due to ignorance and narcissism . Making something as pure and simple as a human being that isn't wearing clothes (as god made them) a taboo subject is a disgrace to the evolution of mankind. Think about it for a minute...........you have seen your wife naked, no doubt. Did that make you go out and become a serial rapist or a mass murderer? Of course it didn't. With that fallacy out of the way, let us proceed.......

If you see a picture of a naked woman that is not your wife, does that make you unfaithful to her? Of course not. What if you enjoy seeing pictures of naked women? Is that bad? I don't think that it is. I think that the female body is incredibly beautiful. In fact, if I were to have to name one reason that I believe in god (which I don't) it would be the female body. What a creation! The female body is truly a thing to be admired and respected. The beautiful softness and the romantic curves. It is no wonder the human species has survived, with the sexual attraction between opposite sexes and all. If males did not desire females at all, you and I surely would not exist. Having a sex drive is not unnatural. Call it "a sin" if you will, but I cannot agree with you.

The destruction of marriages and the fostering of dishonesty often becomes the current state of affairs when one spouse becomes or already is ignorant of the needs, wants, drives, and desires of their partner. For example: My girlfriend would leave me if I were to shop at Wal-Mart, so I don't shop there. I know that there isn't anything wrong with shopping at Wal-Mart, but it would anger her, so I don't do it. If I was really attached to shopping at Wal-Mart already and then found out that she had some sort of moral predisposition to my shopping there, then there would be a problem. Is that MY problem? Of course it isn't, I'm the one that has the natural urge to save money, not the one that has the personal problem fostered by a few bad experiences with shopping at Wal-Mart. Fairy's problem with her husbund's "addiction" to pictures of naked people is HER problem, not her husband's. The fact that she is so self centered as to make such an ultimatum is seriously screwed up. Earth to Fairy, the sun and planets do not revolve around you. [Edited by Kevin - keep it civil Bat]

Spouse literally live a secret life apart from their wives.

If spouses didn't freak out and go create whine-a-thon support groups if they find out that their spouses have a fascination with the female body, they probably wouldn't have to hide it, and it probably wouldn't be such a taboo subject anyways. Right wing religious groups thrive on this sort of psycho taboo mindset. That you get sucked into the propaganda makes me sad.

Trident can tell you all about it - and no I  am not just insulting him but he knows how hurtful and destructive it can all be. If you want to get educated, read up on what those wives go through and then tell them the pain and broken homes aren't real.

1- Since when do I care what Trident thinks.

2- Humans not wearing clothes can only be destructive if you want it to be. God did not create humans in his image so that they could go around offending each other by not wearing the skins of dead animals. Think about it.....

3- What "those wives go though" is entirely their choice.If they choose to make pictures of naked women a problem to them, that is their choice, and their problem. Leave the rest of us out of your microscopic worldview.

4- The LDS church destroys families where one spouse decides that some dude "translating" magical "gold" plates that don't exist into an ancient history that never happened, so why is destroying a family because a person enjoys looking at something that is real and does actually exist such a bad thing? Kolob = good, and Female human = bad? Yea right.