Need some advice

[Kyra]

My sister and her husband are having some major problems right now. To make a long story short, she was pregnant at 17. They decided to get married because my bil was trying to hard to make things right and do what he should to get them to the temple. His parents set a horrible example of what marriage should be like (his mom has been married 8 times, no that's not a typo) so we've all tried to help him by setting a good example. They were about ready to go through the temple in June when he fell back into some old addictions and it's been downhill ever since then. He's a follower and he has some bad friends, but he doesn't realize what bad examples they are.

They've been seperated for a few days now and last night my sister told him that all she wants is an eternal family, and she also wants him to want that but she's tired of trying to force him. Basically if he's not willing to try anymore (he's pretty much given up over the last few months and things have gone from bad to worse) then he's going to lose them. He told her he needed to take a few days to decide what he wants.

My whole family has tried to help him. We've all told him what she needs out of him and we've told her what he needs also. (I'm not going to say she's entirely faultless, but she is the only one trying to make things better right now) So tonight I'm going to invite him over for dinner and tell him that if he's willing to put forth an effort then we are willing to help him do whatever it takes. I'm really going to need the spirit to help me through tonight, so some prayers would be nice. But I also need advice on how to help him.

My dad and husband are going to offer to give him a blessing if he'll accept it. He needs help. I know he loves my sister, but he's just quit trying. How do I help him? He's struggling with testimony right now, among other things. If anyone has advice for me it would be great. :)

[Hemidakota]

Kyra, at this point, have her visit her Bishop for help. His struggles are coming from not keeping the commandments and will eventually hit a crossroad where he will be given two choices. Hopefully, he will chose the right road, which is the eternal reward and pure happiness. He stills need to do his part in being humbled if he expects the Savior to step in and help him. :)

[NeuroTypical]

If anyone has advice for me it would be great. :)

It doesn't often work, but if you can figure out a way to let these people know that their actions are impacting an innocent child, it might help.

Marriage troubles and divorces always, without exception, involve selfishness. Sucessful marriages and long ones, without exception, involve selflesness. I'm usually wary of such blanket categorical statements, but I really believe in both of them.

LM

[LDSVALLEY]

I kept trying to think of some wonderful advise to give. Either some profound spiritual words or strong personal testimony that could help.

The truth is that if those around him who love him and know him can not find ways to help then nothing I could suggest would help him any better. Sometimes we have to look at what is best for ourselves and those we are responsible for. We have our Agency to choose. He knows the gospel, he knows what is right and he knows what is at stake.

When things like this occur people focus in on the issue and without meaning too.The person hears nothing but helpful advice that comes across to him as putting him down as unintentional as that might be.

Maybe all you can do is let him know a door is open anytime he decides to walk that path and focus on helping your sister. Help her make healthy choices for her family and herself. Her testimony is also at risk in such a situation. With the struggles she is having it would be cracks in anybodies faith no matter who they are.

It must be hard on your entire family, spend some time keeping yourselves united and strong. Shift the focus off him and onto yourselves and your sister and her family. Don't exclude him but shift focus so it is not about him. Help all of you remain close to the Lord.

If the focus comes off him, he sees his extended family becoming stronger there is a chance his agency and his testimony will bring him around. If not, then your family is strong enough to support each other as your Sister and children adjust to what ever the future brings.

I am impressed with the efforts your family has made to try and help. Just focus on what you can effect, not what you would like to. ........Peace be with you and yours.