Something I've been wondering about... temple marriage vs. temperal

[Guest Alana]

My situation. Member of the church, went inactive and wasn't living the standards of the gospel. We (future husband and myself) went back to church and got married(not in the temple), got back on the straight and narrow. Since then my husband has gone completely inactive. More than anything I want us to be sealed. The temple isn't in our future as long as Hubby is inactive. So my concern is this.

Did I blow it? Is there no hope for anything Celestial for me, unless Hubby gets his butt in gear? Will I never be sealed to my family?

Salvation is a personal matter, exaltation is a family matter. Elder Russell M. Nelson

Anyways, throw out your thoughts, good, bad and ugly; if you'd be so kind.

[terryk]

I would suggest to keep working on him, he may turn around and come back to activity in the church, others have done it before you. but if he doesn't 1 thing I know is that after a close relative has been dead for 1 year, you can do their temple work ofr them, including sealings.

[checkerboy]

I am wondering why you want to be sealed to a man that wouldn't keep those covenants anyway?

[Guest Alana]

I would suggest to keep working on him, he may turn around and come back to activity in the church, others have done it before you. but if he doesn't 1 thing I know is that after a close relative has been dead for 1 year, you can do their temple work ofr them, including sealings.

If I hire a hit man to have him killed, I doubt I'll be able to get a temple recommend.

[Hemidakota]

I would venture to ask GOD to soften his heart. Who knows, he maybe called as a Bishop one day. Never or less, keep trying until the Spirit tells you otherwise.

[Guest Alana]

I am wondering why you want to be sealed to a man that wouldn't keep those covenants anyway?

Sometimes life isn't as simple as it should be. Especially when in the past you made some wrong turns. Where things stand now, I've been counseled by several bishops and had confirmed in prayer that with my husband is where I need to be.

[Nappaljarri]

As I see it, the life circumstances now are coming into fruition that were fortold by prophets in your younger years. Yes you blew it in that you made bad decisions in your past. Does that mean that it is blown for eternity? No. While you are alive, you have time to repent. Can you help your husband repent? Yes, only by repenting yourself. Maybe this is your true test, to not give up now. I have many friends and family in your situation. Most closely my brother. Served a mission, came home, got his wife to be pregnant.... married her civily, but still not married in the temple. What people who make "bad unwise" decisions in their younger years don't understand is that getting married does not repent of the sin. And getting married also doesn't negate the physical ramifications of your whole family. Breaking the law of chastity (which means in a members life circle, to not keep the whole law of God and get married in the temple first time only time) is a huge sin to make. When my brother was told by the stake president that he had to marry his "woman" else he would be ex'd, this was not the only step to repentance... This step only facilitated my brother to stop continuing to break the law of chastity, so that he didn't continue to live in sin. One must work out how to make life the way it was before the sin was commited, this is what repenting means. It can only be done through the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ and it can only be done through application of God's law through the personal revelation throught he Holy Ghost.

Advice: Start from the basics and go from there. Good luck with it all. All is not lost unless you give up. LIne upon line, precept upon precept. Gain spiritual strength by going to Father in prayer and pleading with him to help you repent.... your repentance process (which would include pleading for your husband's soul) is the only way to help him (and you and your whole family).

[bytor2112]

I am fairly certain that if you are faithful and are not able to be sealed to your husband in this life....you will have the opportunity to be sealed to a worthy Brother in the millenium. Just as members who have been sealed, but the spouse falls away will have the opportunity as well. The Lord is into families.....:)

[ZionWoman]

My mom is in a similar situation. SHe married my dad and found the church a few years later. SHe joined, he didn't. He has always allowed her to do whatever she wants in the and is an endowed member but my dad continues to sit out on the gospel (for 35 years now). She also struggles with this issue. We have all thought a great deal about it as we are not sure if he will ever accept (even in the next life, he's just that stubborn).

We (my sibs, mom and I) all have the distinct impression (revelatory feeling) that she will not be denied a chance at godhood should my father not change his nature. I think that when Elder Nelson said "...exaltation is a family matter." He meant that it will be the opinion of our families here on earth that will make the difference in our chance at godhood. Ultimately, what your children and your husband think of you will be the determining factor (scary thought! cultivate those relationships!).

I found the talks called "Marital Relationship Seminar" given by Douglas Brinley very helpful. He has good insights into the eternal nature of family relationships.

Hope that helps :)

[angela]

Sometimes life isn't as simple as it should be. Especially when in the past you made some wrong turns. Where things stand now, I've been counseled by several bishops and had confirmed in prayer that with my husband is where I need to be.

If that is what was confirmed to you by the spirit, then absolutely that is where you need to be. I was in a similar situation, and trust me I had all the same thoughts about why I should stay with a man that seemingly will never be able to take me to the temple. You need to lead by example. It is not an easy task, but stick with it and try to stay strong.

One night while I was struggling I found a wonderful talk on BYUTV. Here is a quote:

There’s a beautiful verse that many of you are familiar with in the book of Obadiah. You probably haven’t read that recently, but in Obadiah chapter one, verse 21, we read the following: “And saviors shall come up on mount Zion, and the kingdom shall be the Lord’s.” So you’ve heard that phrase, “saviors on mount Zion.” It has much more than simply temple work and family history, as important as that is, because each of us in various ways are called upon, are asked to be, saviors on mount Zion.

A dear friend named Carlfred Broderick, a wonderful marriage and family therapist, a professor at USC, a former bishop, stake president, patriarch, most importantly father, husband, and even a guest on Johnny Carson from time to time, shared the following story: “The term ‘savior on mount Zion’ is ordinarily reserved for those engaged in vicarious work for the dead. But I believe that term might also be applied to another group of saints. These have been called to sacrifice for the sake of saving the living, often of their own household. I first began to think in these terms as a result of counseling to women who had hard life assignments. The first had convinced her boyfriend to join the Church and one year later to marry her in the temple. Unhappily, the conversion didn’t take and soon thereafter he returned to his worldly ways, which included all the minor vices and several of the major ones. They had children who seemed to elect their father’s lifestyle rather than their mother’s. I watched this good sister struggle with her rebellious family over the years, and I’m ashamed to admit that I had sometimes judged her harshly. For example, if she had asked my opinion, I could have told her before she married him that her husband-to-be was more committed to her than to the gospel. Also I felt that she had been overly permissive with her children; in short, I self-righteously judged that if she had made better choices--as I had, for example--her life would have turned out better, as mine had, for example. It eventually became necessary to excommunicate her husband, and in agony of spirit, she asked me, her stake president, for a blessing to guide her as to what her duty was under the circumstances. In that blessing I learned a few things that even now make me burn with shame for my earlier spiritual arrogance toward this sister. The Lord told her that she was a valiant spirit in the premortal existence who had volunteered for hazardous duty on earth. Not for her was the safety of a secure marriage to an equally valiant partner. Not for her was a relative ease of rearing naturally obedient children. In the blessing she was told that the Lord loved her husband and children despite their rebellious spirits, and if they were to have any chance at all, it would be because of her Christ-like patience and long-suffering with them. True to her promise, she is succeeding against all odds in her mission. To everyone’s surprise, her rowdy eldest son straightened out his life and went on a mission. He came back on fire with the Spirit and committed to the gospel. Her second son, who had often stated his intention of playing football instead of going on a mission, was helped by his older brother and has also completed a successful mission and is headed for the temple. Her daughters are slow to come around, but I began to see some softening there as well. Even her husband, the toughest of all, is beginning to mellow at the edges and to talk about putting his life in order. No action yet, but I am prepared to believe in miracles in this family.” So again a part of our call is to be saviors on mount Zion. That in no way denotes that we should endure abuse that comes to us. There are appropriate ways to handle these challenges that occur, but indeed to remember that the Lord in his infinite and perfect knowledge knows the answers to our questions and can guide as we face the various challenges that we do.

"That He May Succor His People": Healing from Abuse through the Power of the Atonement