What are you looking for...

[Maxel]

... in a dating relationship?

... in a friendship?

... in a marriage?

So, I feel led by the spirit tonight and I was going to write something solely about potential spouses, but I feel it should be expanded a little bit.

I think a lot of the angst and anxiety and agony that the YSA of the Church experience over dating is avoidable, if we could come to terms with the reasons behind dating relationships and marriage relationships. Knowledge is power, after all, and godly knowledge is greater power.

I want this discussion to be open to everyone, so feel free to contribute! Also, I'm no expert (not even close) on these subjects, so please take everything I say- and anyone else says- with a grain of salt.

First of all, I think it's helpful to define the level of emotional commitment that we, as mortal humans, put into each kind of relationship (friendship, dating/courting, and marriage) and rank them based on that.

Friendship: Involves the expenditure of time, effort, and understanding to create a relationship that ideally lasts the rest of two people's lives. In a healthy friendship, both people are working to overcome obstacles of social, spiritual, and other differences. The ideal product of a friendship is a 'friend': someone who supports you in your righteous endeavors, is with you to mourn when you mourn and comfort you when you need comforting. Finally, a friend is someone who can rejoice with you when you are rejoicing.

Purpose: To expand our own souls, and increase the number of people our souls have affected and the number of people who have affected our own souls in a positive manner. To help create a network of emotional support.

Dating: Involves the expenditure of time, effort, understanding, and monetary goods (more so than a friendship) to create a relationship that hopefully lasts the rest of two people's lives. It is unique in that it can only be healthily enacted by a man and a woman; precluding same-gender relationships and third members in the relationship. There are three phases: dating, courtship, and engagement.

Dating: In the dating stage, a young man and young woman bend their schedules and efforts in an attempt to be around each other frequently in a variety of settings. To be healthy dating, there must be an adequate mixture of spontaneous and premeditated activities. There should also be an expenditure, within reason, of monetary possessions during said activities. Any one person may healthily have more than one dating relationship at a time, although the lines between dating and courtship are not set in stone. A dating relationship is not a contract of any kind, regardless of its length or emotional commitment.

Courtship: In the courtship stage, a young man and young woman have been dating for a time sufficient to know they want to pursue a more serious and lasting relationship. When courting, the two parties have no other dating relationships (they're 'going steady' or 'going out'). Courtships are perfect for making sure one's partner is truly the kind of person one would like to marry. Courtships are geared and designed to lead to engagement and marriage.

Engagement: In the engagement stage, a young man and young woman have publicly declared their love for one another, and have entered into a mutually understood contract of marriage. Engagement is the time between the agreement of the contract (i.e., the proposal) and the wedding day itself. It is a time for the couple to further work out any minor or major differences that might cause friction in the married life inasmuch as they are able to. Engagement is one of the most trying times in terms of sexual purity.

In all the stages of dating, there is more emotional commitment than is present in a regular friendship. Dating implies an attraction of one of the parties to the other on a level deeper than merely thinking the other is a 'son or daughter of God that I don't mind hanging out with'- there's some sort of spiritual and emotional attraction, and hopefully some physical as well. Courtship implies a deeper attraction and a deeper desire for emotional closeness, while engagement declares a desire for the deepest kind of emotional attraction and closeness that exists among humans: being married.

Purpose: The purpose of dating (in all its stages) is twofold: self-discovery (what kind of person do I want to marry; what kind of person am I compatible with) and finding 'the right person' (or, the person that you'll marry. President Kimball said that the idea of everyone having a soul mate is of the devil; although there are certain cases where people have soul mates).

Marriage: Involves the expenditure of every facet of a person's being to foster an emotional, spiritual, and physical connectivity that surpasses all other voluntary interpersonal relationships. Marriage is the most powerful and lasting relationship we make in this life: although all friendships are in some degrees eternal, marriage is ETERNAL. It is essential to one's spiritual progress, both in this life and in the life to come. Not surprisingly, it is both the most demanding and most rewarding of all relationships immediately affecting most Young Single Adults.

Purpose: To experience the most rewarding relationship of all. Particularly, the marriage relationship is the only relationship that sexual expression and relationships can be safely experienced, and is the only relationship that can healthily create another person through parenthood. Finally, celestial marriage is vital to eternal progression.

NOTE: I don't know much about parenthood, so I'm not covering that here (plus, there's not any point, as this topic is about relationships we can choose: you can't choose who your child will be).

------------------------------------------------------

So, now that we've set the guidelines out for what the different relationships entail (feel free to comment/disagree if you feel something is lacking), we can move forward to discuss what we each desire to get out of the different relationships.

Personally, I don't feel the need for more friends. I doubt many people visiting this forum do- I'm going out on a limb and saying that most of us are currently in/looking for a dating relationship and would love to be engaged or married.

The following is a summary of my sister's account of the dating atmosphere of the area I live in:

'In the area I live there's a dearth of young men to take young women out on dates. There's simply not enough to go around, and the men we do have are usually not as spiritually minded as the women around here would like. The guys aren't bad, but their focus is more on school or sports than on getting married. Any guys who are spiritually mature and ready to get married get snatched pretty quickly.'

Personally, I agree with her mostly. I've heard this sentiment echoed by young women across the country, and I believe the prophets' imposition to men to 'be worthy of the priesthood' has something to do with that.

It's late and I have to go do homework; I want to leave the floor open for discussion and reflection.

[Pan_52]

Well, that was very extensive and thorough, but you make some valid points. I will answer to the best of my ability, though it probably won't be nearly as detailed or in-depth. Still, I will try.

Friendship: I noticed that there tends to be two different kinds of people when it comes to these things. These aren't facts or science and of course I'm not speaking for everyone!!! These are just very general observations. First off, there are people who have tons of good friends but no really close ones. Then there are people who only have a couple friends but are very, very close to them. I fall into the latter category. In friendship, I'm looking for someone that can make me laugh and vise versa. It's almost a must that we share interests. Video games! Star Wars! Battlestar Galactica! D&D! Anime! Nerdy stuff. I've had friends that aren't into those things, but we never became close and eventually fell out of touch. I also like trust and support. I like to be able to have emotional conversations with my friends, but only when I need really need to. I think that's pretty much it.

Dating: Just like every girl, I like a guy to sweep me off my feet - but first and foremost, I want a friend! I am a huge believer in the idea that friendship leads to love. Besides, if there is no chemistry for a relationship, then at least I get a friend out of it. Again, I'd like him to share some interests with me. I also like when a guy makes me feel special. There reaches a point in the dating period when I want to know that he doesn't just see me as a friend. I have been forever cursed to remain in the "friend box" with men, it seems. If a guy likes me, I want to know! Some casual or light flirting is nice. Sense of humor is wonderful. Intellectual conversation is a huge plus. It's not a must, but even if a guy doesn't share my interests, intellectual conversation will pretty much win me over. I think the rest is just typical girl stuff, to be honest. Flowers, moonlight, hand-holding, yadda yadda, moving on.

Marriage: Okay, marriage is obviously far more serious than dating, and so my expectations are higher. All the rules from dating apply of course. When I am looking for a possible husband, I want a man who is very romantic but also very spiritual. A strong testimony of the church would be lovely. I'd want to get sealed. I'd also want him to show me that he is not only spiritually mature, but mature in other ways as well. He needs to be ready for life! For bills, jobs, apartments/houses, living paycheck to paycheck, supporting a future family. He's going to have to realize that he will probably need to give up those nightly romps with the boys to basketball practice, or at least limit them to a couple nights a week. Because you know what? A man needs to have priorities. I'm not going to sit at home reading scriptures to a crying baby while my hubby is off perfecting his high score in skeeball. So basically, a loving, mature, spiritual, devoted man.

That's all I can think of, at any rate. I'd also like to make it clear that I don't ask for what I can't give. So when I say that I want my husband to limit his hang-out time and get his priorities straight, I only ask because I would/will do the same! That rule goes for everything I ask. And I agree with your sister, for the most part.

But yeah, those are my opinions of what I expect from relationships. If I think of anything else, I'll add it later.

[Maxel]

Well, that was very extensive and thorough, but you make some valid points. I will answer to the best of my ability, though it probably won't be nearly as detailed or in-depth. Still, I will try.

Thank you! The purpose of this thread is to inspire conversation and encourage education about the realities of friendships and dating. Thank you for jumping in.

Friendship: I noticed that there tends to be two different kinds of people when it comes to these things. These aren't facts or science and of course I'm not speaking for everyone!!! These are just very general observations. First off, there are people who have tons of good friends but no really close ones. Then there are people who only have a couple friends but are very, very close to them.

Good point. I guess I kind of fall into an unfortunate synthesis of the two: I don't have many friends, and no really close ones. I've always been a lone wolf, but I think it's more due to mental health issues than my personality. My father's the same way.

Which does raise the question: in which ways does healthy mental status contribute to friendships? And I don't just mean a lack of mental health issues, but having a healthy, working, active mind. It seems to me that friendships, being interpersonal, multicultural, and dynamic, would require two people who keep their minds as fit as possible so as to avoid unnecessary drama within the friendship. Thoughts?

Dating: Just like every girl, I like a guy to sweep me off my feet - but first and foremost, I want a friend! I am a huge believer in the idea that friendship leads to love.

I've always thought the same thing. In fact, one tacit conclusion of the way I set up the first post is that each level of relationship must build on the previous one to be healthy. In other words, normal healthy relationships develop from friendship --> dating --> marriage (if marriage is ever reached). Thoughts?

[sweetandsour]

thats alot of deep stuff...

i guess iv never really gone so deep. i know i want friends ppl i can talk to. help me through things.

but mostly i want someone there when i wake up in the morning someone to hold me when i fall asleep. someone to lift me up when im down. but mostly someone as spiritually prepared for the temple as i try to be.

the strugel is getting there though right? guys dont speak there mind, and neither do we. with no comunication how do u know if they like u or not. iv had a couple things like that happen as of late. ya know they act like it but they never say it and then all of assuden they r gone, with no explination

[Maxel]

thats alot of deep stuff...

i guess iv never really gone so deep. i know i want friends ppl i can talk to. help me through things.

but mostly i want someone there when i wake up in the morning someone to hold me when i fall asleep. someone to lift me up when im down. but mostly someone as spiritually prepared for the temple as i try to be.

Amen...

the strugel is getting there though right? guys dont speak there mind, and neither do we. with no comunication how do u know if they like u or not. iv had a couple things like that happen as of late. ya know they act like it but they never say it and then all of assuden they r gone, with no explination

I am fully aware of the tendency for guys not to speak their mind or approach dating from a mature viewpoint... I go to Elder's Quorum and see it every week. I don't mean to sound judgmental, but that's the way it is.

The purpose for this is for everyone to learn more about relationships, and I think learning about communication might help too.

[Maxel]

*Shameless bump*

There's been actual activity on this forum in the last couple days; I'm really, really hoping to see some activity in this thread. Not through some sense of megalomania, but because I really feel this is a serious issue for the LDS YSA, and I think discussion helps foster knowledge. This is a serious topic for me.

Edited February 1, 2009 by Maxel

[Heavenguard]

Okay, I'll bite. :3 Keeping in mind this is not an LDS POV, so things it may not turn out to be be as applicable for YSA, but I don't think we differ so much, really...

My observation would be that although these are different steps, there's something of a gradiented timeline to them. As Maxel said:

In other words, normal healthy relationships develop from friendship --> dating --> marriage (if marriage is ever reached).

But even in each step, there's a difference of expectation in the early stages of a friendship, and a friendship (if maintained) an old one, and a pair who've only started dating, and one that's been together for years.

I'm actually always open to making new friends. Always, always, always. I could say that I wouldn't need more friends, I do have plenty enough. However, you never know who you meet who will become a really good or 'best' friend. My bestest bestest bestest friend ever, I've known her since about Gr. 5. My two next closest friends I've known since high school, and the other about a year ago.

Dating (in Maxel's definition, I think "seeing" is more common use, though?) is something I've actually never really thought of until about three weeks ago when I met someone and started seeing him. I always thought that whoever I got involved with would be someone that I'd get to know as a friend first, and build from that. However, I have to say that this fellow has been, actually, quite the gentleman about it. We talk a lot, do light activities together - we're getting to know each other. I really appreciate that he hasn't put any "moves" on me yet, while I try to figure him for who he is. I think it is both wise and considerate, for the guy and for the girl. If it doesn't work, the guy doesn't end up investing too much, and the girl isn't pressured either.

While the line between dating and courtship (which I think is more commonly called dating now, I hardly ever hear "courtship" these days... though I like it!) can get fuzzy, the one thing I've learned is that both people need to be very clear which side of the line they're on, and what are the expectations once there. When both people are on the same page - and know it, there will be less anxiety, frustrations, disappointments, anger (fights), and the like.

Well, I'm not married yet, so I can't say much to this fact... except that I do hope for it one day :3

But again, I think discussion expectations and laying down household ground rules is very important -- before reaching this stage. Kinda like a pre-nuptual agreement, only not concerning assets.

[Maxel]

Okay, I'll bite. :3 Keeping in mind this is not an LDS POV, so things it may not turn out to be be as applicable for YSA, but I don't think we differ so much, really...

Your opinions and insight are more than welcome. Thank you!

But even in each step, there's a difference of expectation in the early stages of a friendship, and a friendship (if maintained) an old one, and a pair who've only started dating, and one that's been together for years.

Very good point.

I'm actually always open to making new friends. Always, always, always. I could say that I wouldn't need more friends, I do have plenty enough. However, you never know who you meet who will become a really good or 'best' friend. My bestest bestest bestest friend ever, I've known her since about Gr. 5. My two next closest friends I've known since high school, and the other about a year ago.

I fear I am a bit of a loner myself; never been one for having close friends. The only one I kept in contact with from childhood is serving a mission. I am the kind of person who sees everyone as a friend, and I will go out of my way to help someone I don't know/barely know, even to extremes (but not unhealthy extremes; I learned a balance in that a little while ago).

Dating (in Maxel's definition, I think "seeing" is more common use, though?) is something I've actually never really thought of until about three weeks ago when I met someone and started seeing him. I always thought that whoever I got involved with would be someone that I'd get to know as a friend first, and build from that. However, I have to say that this fellow has been, actually, quite the gentleman about it. We talk a lot, do light activities together - we're getting to know each other. I really appreciate that he hasn't put any "moves" on me yet, while I try to figure him for who he is. I think it is both wise and considerate, for the guy and for the girl. If it doesn't work, the guy doesn't end up investing too much, and the girl isn't pressured either.

If you don't mind me asking, are the "moves" wanting to kiss you, hold your hand, ask you to go steady with him, etc.? Also, how would you feel about it if he asked you how you felt about him before trying to further the relationship? (Not how you actually feel about him, but if he asked you about how he felt about him)

When both people are on the same page - and know it, there will be less anxiety, frustrations, disappointments, anger (fights), and the like.

Exactly! That's part of the purpose of this thread- to educate us all about relationships, including the importance of open, honest communication. It seems to me that, if a man and woman are in a relationship that both are putting unequal emotional investment into (the man wants to get married, the woman wants to just date; etc.) it amounts to them being 'unequally yoked', which is unfair to both.

Also, your understanding of my definitions in the OP are correct. I used the older terms to more clearly define them (i.e. to avoid confusion between the 'dating' as in seeing and the 'dating' as in courtship).

[Heavenguard]

If you don't mind me asking, are the "moves" wanting to kiss you, hold your hand, ask you to go steady with him, etc.? Also, how would you feel about it if he asked you how you felt about him before trying to further the relationship? (Not how you actually feel about him, but if he asked you about how he felt about him)

Yes, that's exactly what I mean (by "moves").

I think the answer (about asking a girl how she feels about a guy) would depend on what sort of relationship has developed thus far. If it happens too early, it's either scares-ville (moving too fast) or turn-off-ville (seems too needy) for the girl. If this fellow were to ask me something like that now, I'd still feel it'd be a little bit premature (by perhaps a few weeks), but I wouldn't run from it.

I think asking that sort of question demonstrates to me that someone is serious about relationships (as opposed to looking to date just for fun), but is cautious, or at least level-headed, enough to not just run into something headlong - which is smart. Plus it shows the other's desire to be with me, willingness to understand my needs, and it open up a discussion about the relationship to come. I would actually absolutely love for the guy to ask me something like that.

[TheJosmo]

Okay, dating...well, I'm 18 and still haven't dated yet. All I intend to do is hang out with guy friends and if one likes me, he'll probably need to prod me into something less platonic if he wants to start a relationship. Even then, I don't really get swept off my feet (as far as I know).

I swear, I'm gonna die an old maid.

[melissa23]

This is a great and interesting topic.

The friendhship thing.. I definitly fall into the category of someone who has just a few really really close friends. And I also love making new friends.. but half the time they just end up be acquaintances and we never really hang out that much.. But I love to have friends who I know I can turn to whenever ever I need them and that I can talk to about anything. That's always something great to have.

As for dating, I'm 19.. and haven't really done much of it. When I was in middle school I had a few "boyfriends" here and there.. but I barely knew any of them LOL. so I don't consider that. I tend to be the shy type around guys. I'm not quite sure why. But it definitly would be great to finally date.. haha I guess I'm just not sure how to.

[Maxel]

Well, my advice to any girl looking to get some dates is to not be standoffish (not that either of you are, Josmo or melissa) or inaccessible. Unfortunately, it seems that young men these days don't get up the guts to ask girls for dates (I guess because there's the very traumatizing chance of rejection). If you get asked on a date by a guy and you can't go but want to (you're busy on the day of the proposed date, for example) make sure to let the guy go- chances are that, if you don't, he won't ask you on a second date.

Good luck!

[bmy-]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people. I'm of the opinion that marriage before 22 or 23 at the earliest is a little foolish.

Sometimes foolishness can turn out to be wonderful in the end.. but there's a reason for the rising divorce rate in the Church and the pressure on kids to get married plays a large role in it. One last piece of advice.. once you have a person you are committed to.. there are no such things as "just friends" when dealing with opposite-gender individuals becomes very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.. but they're few and far between.

Edited August 30, 2009 by bmy-

[Islander]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people. I'm of the opinion that marriage before 22 or 23 at the earliest is a little foolish.

Sometimes foolishness can turn out to be wonderful in the end.. but there's a reason for the rising divorce rate in the Church and the pressure on kids to get married plays a large role in it. One last piece of advice.. once you have a person you are committed to.. there are no such things as "just friends" when dealing with opposite-gender individuals becomes very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.. but they're few and far between.

I do not agree whith your assertion. There are 150 years to the contrary. Nothing wrong with getting married young. I wish I would have been born in the church and had a chance to marry young. The process is fine, the "ingredients" have change and the "quality" of the product is inferior. In other words; we are raising young people that are ill-equipped for marriage, lacking spiritual and emotional maturity, incapable of overcoming the slightest tension and normal environmental stressor, without (or little) moral or intellectual discipline.

Divorce happens because people are selfish and not able to think and behave in terms of US/WE as they are the byproduct of a self-centered, permissive and lax culture that accentuates self and immediate gratification rather than the traits that are conducive to an eternal, God-centered family.

[Maxel]

Agreed, Islander. I can see the correlation between immaturity and failed marriages, and the correlation between age and (im)maturity- but no direct correlation between a young marrying age and a failed marriage.

The way I see it, the Church's strong emphasis on marriage is barely enough to counteract the anti-marriage culture rampant in the world today.

[bmy-]

I do not agree whith your assertion. There are 150 years to the contrary. Nothing wrong with getting married young. I wish I would have been born in the church and had a chance to marry young. The process is fine, the "ingredients" have change and the "quality" of the product is inferior. In other words; we are raising young people that are ill-equipped for marriage, lacking spiritual and emotional maturity, incapable of overcoming the slightest tension and normal environmental stressor, without (or little) moral or intellectual discipline.

Divorce happens because people are selfish and not able to think and behave in terms of US/WE as they are the byproduct of a self-centered, permissive and lax culture that accentuates self and immediate gratification rather than the traits that are conducive to an eternal, God-centered family.

In reality.. we live in a different world compared to the one that existed when young and lasting marriages were common place.

You've heard the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce now.. and unfortunately.. it's true. Here's another statistic.. People who marry at 18 and under have a divorce rate that is ~50%.. while those who marry at 25 or older have a 26%.

My assertion is backed up by facts and statistics. Of course in a situation with 2 level headed, logical, and mature teenagers.. they'll be fine. Provided financial strain doesn't do them in of course. The younger the people in the marriage the higher the divorce rate.. and that's the bottom line. It holds true for mormons, catholics, and baptists alike..

Edited September 2, 2009 by bmy-

[Maxel]

In reality.. we live in a different world compared to the one that existed when young and lasting marriages were common place.

You've heard the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce now.. and unfortunately.. it's true. Here's another statistic.. People who marry at 18 and under have a divorce rate that is ~50%.. while those who marry at 25 or older have a 26%.

My assertion is backed up by facts and statistics. Of course in a situation with 2 level headed, logical, and mature teenagers.. they'll be fine. Provided financial strain doesn't do them in of course. The younger the people in the marriage the higher the divorce rate.. and that's the bottom line. It holds true for mormons, catholics, and baptists alike..

The problem with statistics is that they're elusive and don't always reflect what we want them to.

In the last 150 years, has the average age of marriage gone up or down? How does that differ between men and women? What was the divorce rate 150 years ago? And the most important question(s): why?

I think the answer is that the average American household has stopped producing mature adults ready for marriage at 18. The correlation is between maturity (spiritual, emotional, and financial) and divorce, not age and divorce. Back in the mid-19th century, there was no such thing as "teenagers"- children began working hard jobs (either on the family farm or around town) around age 10; there were fewer technological conveniences and accessories to distract the mind and therefore retard emotional growth.

While the divorce rate for Mormons is going up, that's inevitable. Few Church members pay due attention to all the teachings of the prophets (including "gaining a testimony" and "put away the things of a child when one becomes an adult"). 'Cultural Mormons' and Mormons who aren't as strong in the faith will fall into the trap of following the most oft-repeated commandment of marrying while neglecting the commandments to form a foundation of preparation for marriage. In this, they neglect the better portion of wisdom for whatever reason.

If one is not ready for the challenges associated with marriage at 18, then marriage isn't appropriate then. In today's world, abuse and parental neglect often leave children without vital emotional growth needed to move from an independent lifestyle to an interdependent lifestyle. In the cases of those individuals, the pressing issue is to seek the Lord's atonement and be healed, and work on relationships as guided by the Spirit.

[Gemma]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people.

I'm not going to comment on the age thing, but this statement worries me! I say date for as long as you need to to be sure, then take the leap. Gosh, I hope I'll still be growing as a person after I get married - I never thought of that as something I'd give up when I was married, or when I turned 30 or anything like that!

My BF and I were talking to a missionary couple a few weeks ago and he asked them if they had to adjustments to make living together in the first few years of marriage. She said yes, every year - otherwise it looses its spice! That is now my favourite marriage quote :)

Josmo and Melissa (and anyone else this applies to), don't worry you've got plenty of time, just enjoy yourself and when your least expecting it you will be swept off your feet!

I know people say that all the time, I had to wait 10 years before I met the guy I'm now dating, and went on a grand total of 6 dates in that time! (yep, not much dating going on in England) But I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted by living my life the best I could, and I'm glad that that was heavenly fathers plan for me, if I'd been dating the wrong guy when I was 18 I might not have known it or had the courage to break it off.

[melissa23]

Well, my advice to any girl looking to get some dates is to not be standoffish (not that either of you are, Josmo or melissa) or inaccessible. Unfortunately, it seems that young men these days don't get up the guts to ask girls for dates (I guess because there's the very traumatizing chance of rejection). If you get asked on a date by a guy and you can't go but want to (you're busy on the day of the proposed date, for example) make sure to let the guy go- chances are that, if you don't, he won't ask you on a second date.

Good luck!

thankyou! i guess i'll try being a little more outgoing.. it's just a difficult thing to do, I'm so jealous of people that have no problem with it. but yeah thats a good idea, I'll make sure if that ever happens to let the guy know i do want to go on a date.

Josmo and Melissa (and anyone else this applies to), don't worry you've got plenty of time, just enjoy yourself and when your least expecting it you will be swept off your feet!

I know people say that all the time, I had to wait 10 years before I met the guy I'm now dating, and went on a grand total of 6 dates in that time! (yep, not much dating going on in England) But I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted by living my life the best I could, and I'm glad that that was heavenly fathers plan for me, if I'd been dating the wrong guy when I was 18 I might not have known it or had the courage to break it off.

thankyou! and yeah i've kinda realized that I have time.. its just seeing all my friends with boyfriends and stuff.. i just feel like out of place. but yeah I'll just live my life, and try not to let that bug me haha. and hopefully someday i'll meet someone