sakuragirl Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 So I have been engaged to a wonderful man for a while and I fell away from the church so we have been living in the same house. We have altered our living arrangements now due to me going back to church and Mike also started to speak with the missionaries. After church today we decided that we have been engaged long enough and to keep with the gospel we are going to get married. We have worked it out with us getting married on the 21st (paychecks etc for license) but would love some ideas on how to have a very inexpensive wedding. Also What steps to we need to go through to have the bishop marry us etc. Any suggestions would be amazing. Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Congrats to you....just ask your Bishop if he is available to perform wedding on the day you selected....keep this in mind...if you use the chapel at church...you won't be able to take pictues or video tape...if you use another room in the church or a home you can take all you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgia2 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 You first need to decide if you want a rather large or small affair. The larger, the more complicated. I personally think a small wedding with close friends and family is best. Consider the feeling that would be there instead of the pomp and expense. you could have it at a special natural area that has meaning, or in someone's home. Ask a good friend to be mistress of ceremonies. you could work on a simple menu, then have her ask your family to bring things on that menu. (I'm assuming you want to keep cost down) handmade invitations on beautiful paper are much nicer and more personal than the expensive printed type. A wedding is for the couple to express their love and devotion for each other before witnesses. You will enjoy it more this way and you will be less stressed out and more likely to have a joyous day. Also, if you are going to spend any money at all, consider a professional photographer. You can find them for a wedding of this type for around $600.00. This may sound like a lot, but it's really inexpensive compared to what they charge for a full blown 4 hour shindig. Then on your anniversary, go to be sealed in the temple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Congrats to you....just ask your Bishop if he is available to perform wedding on the day you selected....keep this in mind...if you use the chapel at church...you won't be able to take pictues or video tape...if you use another room in the church or a home you can take all you want.If we get married at church can pictures be taken outside? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 You first need to decide if you want a rather large or small affair. The larger, the more complicated. I personally think a small wedding with close friends and family is best. Consider the feeling that would be there instead of the pomp and expense. you could have it at a special natural area that has meaning, or in someone's home. Ask a good friend to be mistress of ceremonies. you could work on a simple menu, then have her ask your family to bring things on that menu. (I'm assuming you want to keep cost down) handmade invitations on beautiful paper are much nicer and more personal than the expensive printed type. A wedding is for the couple to express their love and devotion for each other before witnesses. You will enjoy it more this way and you will be less stressed out and more likely to have a joyous day. Also, if you are going to spend any money at all, consider a professional photographer. You can find them for a wedding of this type for around $600.00. This may sound like a lot, but it's really inexpensive compared to what they charge for a full blown 4 hour shindig. Then on your anniversary, go to be sealed in the temple.We are looking at really small...about 20 people tops. thank your for your ideas I love them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lestertheemt Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Decide you budget first and hold to that budget. I found my own bland announcement and shopped around at print shops to find out who could print them up for me for the cheapest. I shopped around for my wedding cake as well. I had my dress made by a family member and all it cost me was the cost of material. You might be able to find some really nice finds at 2nd hand stores. Depends on you for that. Just start right now. Congratulations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 If we get married at church can pictures be taken outside? yes....the only place you cannot take pictures is in the Chapel...anywhere else is fine...:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjmaldrich Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 For what it's worth, my wife is from Utah and I'm from Wyoming... So we had our temple sealing, a huge reception in Utah, and a ring ceremony with about 10 people and maybe 50 people came and went during our reception there... I really preferred the smaller one. We spent under $1500 for decorations, a nice cake, and food for 200 (mom insisted that we get more than we need, so we had sandwiches every day for six months) You cut out the massive amounts of food, it was probably closer to $500 with the nice cake. The church has free tables, free chairs, free music system... It's a great deal if you don't want the fanciest of the fancy weddings... As for where... If you care about my opinion, the place isn't important if it's outside the temple... If you want pictures and it's just going to be 20-30 people, you could probably do it in the Relief Society room or something like that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterstar Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Congratulations! when I got married, the $2,000 budget we had quickly evaporated to medical debt. What was amazing to me was, the Relief Society came together and donated decorations. I had wanted a forest, and they gave me a little forest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truegrits Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 HI sakuragirl. Congratulations...:)!I have been to several weddings that were held in the Church gym. Tables and chairs are readily available. Our Wards also have tablecloths for the tables. A little bit of decorating, and the gym can be turned into a beautiful place to be married. One wedding used a white garden arch, decorated with flowers and entwined vines that made a beautiful backdrop for pictures. Often, the food is provided by family, friends, and Relief Society. With planning it is possible to have a really beautiful wedding, even if your budget is small. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justice Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 It's my understanding they don't perform weddings in the chapel of LDS buildings. So, don't be disappointed if they make you have the ceremony in the RS room or Cultural Hall. Congratulations! As far as ideas, I think doing as much as you can yourself will be the largest single factor in saving the most money. It's a lot of work, but much cheaper to make, bake, arrange, plan, and buy everything yourself. Get your mom involved. :) Get the Relief Society in your ward involved! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgia2 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 (edited) SAKURAGIRL, since you are only having about 20 people, I would definitely NOT have it at the church. I am a professional photographer and have shot a hundred weddings. The location is key to the ambiance of the wedding. Yeah, the church is free, tables, chairs, so forth, but you don't need that with only 20 people. Make it an intimate affair where you and your guest feel comfort and an enclosed security feeling. The cultural hall is open, has basketball hoops, and it definitely isn't cozy. If you know someone that has a nice home, ask them. Do you have an inn in you area or other type of small but nice place? You may have to pay a little, but if it is reasonable it's worth it. How about an outside place of beauty? With only 20 people you could be married in nature then go to a home for the reception or dinner. When I got married it was too hot outside so we had to have it inside. we did have it at the church, but hey wouldn't let us put any decorations or flowers in the chapel, no pictures either. (Which I think is ridiculous, it's not the temple or anything) We rented chairs that were white ith a padded seat. . Yeah we had the arch thing and were able to decorate over the hoops. Someone in charge of the building didn't like that but ,oooppss! it was already done! We also had about 150 people. NOW, if I were to do it over, I would do it the way I described to you( in message 3). You can have a VERY Classy and tasteful wedding on a small budget and short prep time. Class doesn't necessarily mean big bucks. A classy affair will let YOU feel so special. isn't that what's important? Edited February 2, 2009 by georgia2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 Ok still more questions. Ok so the chapel and bishop are booked, we have the cultural hall for a buffet after wards. Here are my questions.... 1. On shopping for a dress is it appropriate to get one that I can also wear to the temple at a later time to be sealed/temple visits 2. What is the standard set up for a LDS legal wedding. So far guessing open with prayer, hymn,...something and marriage mixed in ...close with prayer 3. Ideas for an inexpensive decorations for the reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 I meant to also add that the list of people has grown to over 30 so far and thats before my soon to be mother in law has gotten hold of the list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 3, 2009 Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 Yes....you can have weddings in the Chapel.....as I said earlier you can't take pictures or video tape in Chapel. I have performed a few weddings over the years...here is how most of them went.... The couple either wanted me to stand at front of room while they all marched in or whatever you want to call it. Others had me march in as part of their line. I would go first and whatever order the bride wanted. I would start the ceremony and offer a prayer. I would say a few remarks and stop....if they wanted a special musical number. After the song I would say a few more remarks. All of my remarks were directed to the bride and groom. I would then go into the ceremony and join the bride and groom as Husband and Wife. Then we would all file out..... I tried to council with the bride and groom how a church wedding should go and then let the Bride decide how she wanted it done. We would have a rehearsal the night or two before...it wa sup to the Bride. One of my best times...I got to perform the wedding of my oldest daughter and her hubby. I officiated and my son walked her down the aisle. One year later they were sealed in the Temple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 that's wonderful to officiate for your daughter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 3, 2009 Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 that's wonderful to officiate for your daughter yes it was..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 thank you everyone for your words of support however I have to tell you that he called m today and 'postponed' the wedding on the basis of we don't need to be married to prove we love each other. That we can live together and be like married without the ceremony. He got upset when I told him that we couldn't act that way and that it wouldn't work and now he says that I am trying to bully him into the wedding. I know his family is anti-LDS and I am sure that for his switch to flip he has spent some time talking with them. Again thank you for your words and advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 thank you everyone for your words of support however I have to tell you that he called m today and 'postponed' the wedding on the basis of we don't need to be married to prove we love each other. That we can live together and be like married without the ceremony. He got upset when I told him that we couldn't act that way and that it wouldn't work and now he says that I am trying to bully him into the wedding. I know his family is anti-LDS and I am sure that for his switch to flip he has spent some time talking with them. Again thank you for your words and advice good luck to you...hope everything works out.....:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 thank you everyone for your words of support however I have to tell you that he called m today and 'postponed' the wedding on the basis of we don't need to be married to prove we love each other. That we can live together and be like married without the ceremony. He got upset when I told him that we couldn't act that way and that it wouldn't work and now he says that I am trying to bully him into the wedding. I know his family is anti-LDS and I am sure that for his switch to flip he has spent some time talking with them. Again thank you for your words and adviceIt seems you have some work to do. Him questioning your motives implies that he doe snot know you well enough or does not understand who you are and how youwant to live your life. A bit complicated. I am surprised you are speaking wedding given the circumstances. The fact that he is telling you he feels you are "bullying" him points to the fact that he is not too convinced he wants to marry you. I hope you can work out things with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 I had no idea he even felt this way....it was him who brought up wedding and him who started the ball rolling. I feel slapped in the face. His Best Man/friend called and thinks that he is just freaking out and it will blow over in a couple of days but it has caused me a lot of pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 To use an analogy; from a health care standpoint, odd and pain producing symptoms can not be ignored and expect they will disappear on their own. They are evidence of a still unknown condition. Ignoring them can have dire consequences. Scary as it may be, taking a step back now and creating some breathing/thinking space may be the safest course of action. Rushing may put you in a situation that you may find very difficult for years to come. You already have a significant disadvantage him not being a member and his family antagonizing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakuragirl Posted February 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Well we talked last night and basically a lot of things have come apparent to him recently. 1: He says that he has financial concerns as he wants to treat me the way he thinks I deserve. ( I think I may have calmed that one) 2: Since starting to investigate the church, he wants to really discover who he is(why he is here/born/purpose etc) I even jokingly asked if it was a midlife crisis the way he was describing it and he actually thinks it might be. (hes 24) He's also worried that we won't do any of the fun stuff when we're married like go mall shopping and go to movies etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterstar Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 thank you everyone for your words of support however I have to tell you that he called m today and 'postponed' the wedding on the basis of we don't need to be married to prove we love each other. That we can live together and be like married without the ceremony. He got upset when I told him that we couldn't act that way and that it wouldn't work and now he says that I am trying to bully him into the wedding. I know his family is anti-LDS and I am sure that for his switch to flip he has spent some time talking with them. Again thank you for your words and adviceI'm sorry.My husband's family is pretty much anti-organized religion. He was really scared about joinining, and didn't even tell them of his baptism. (Although it came out at the wedding as the Bishop mentioned it when talking to us with the vows, and encouraged us to seek out the Temple Sealing.) His friends made it hard as well.On top of that, not only was he taking a big step in religion, but marriage is life altering. Living together only touches on that, and don't let anybody convince you otherwise. (One of my husband's friends who lived with his wife for several years before marriage told me shortly after they got married that it was very much different-- and much much better.)My husband had to give up his side business (selling pot). Your fiance is probably struggling with having to give up living with you before marriage, and who knows what else. So he's clinging to the old "don't need marriage to prove we love each other."So my thought is this: be patient, pray diligently and trust in the Lord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgia2 Posted February 5, 2009 Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 so sorry this has happened. I'm sure this really hurts BAD! This is the time you need to really stand up for who you are! If you have a testimony you need to show it to him and to Heavenly Father. He may not marry you, but he WILL respect you in the long run and most important you will respect yourself. IF things don't work out with him, be calm, be peaceful, be confident, because Heavenly Father will bless you for standing up to His gospel. This may be happening because He has someone else you will love more, will love you more and already has a strong testimony. ANy man who does have a strong testimony will admire you for not giving in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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