I need some advice and encouragement...

[fifi_larue]

I found out last Wednesday (at 2 am!) that my husband had met a girl and has been pursuing a flirtatious relationship with her for about a month. He told me that on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning he went into where she worked ate dinner with her and basically ended up asking her if she would be willing to sleep with him--and she is. Here's the kicker: I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with our second child. I had a lot of anger and an extreme amount of hurt. We spent the whole night fighting until I had to leave for work in the morning. Working became impossible so I went home at noon and we discussed the matter further. I realized as I was arguing with him that I loved him and didn't want to lose him. I stopped the fighting right then and told him that I will forgive him for this and that I love him and that I want to spend forever with him. He expressed the same for me. I believe that he did this because I had not been a very good wife to him as of lately. I haven't shown my love or appreciation for him in a very long time. I think this girl gave him the attention he was desiring from me. Even though this has hurt me greatly, I am willing to move on from it and I have hopes that it will eventually be a "good" thing for our marriage as it helped us see the mistakes we were making and change them. I feel closer to him now than I have in a long time. I still have some trust issues--how will I know for sure that he no longer sees this girl? How will I know that after I have this baby and I am unable to devote as much time to him, that he won't seek her out again? Has anyone else been through a situation like this? How is your marriage now? I need some encouragement!

[prospectmom]

I have been through similar .... not when preg. but you have to try and be the best mom/wife you can....... do all you can to be good to you ..... he will follow if he is worth it. I will say more later.

[RachelleDrew]

First of all, it is great that you recognize that this relationship may have begun as your relationship with your husband was suffering. I'm not saying he has no responsibility in this: he certainly does. However, it's super important to realize the trigger of all this may have been the breakdown in communication between you two.

How do you know he won't seek out this girl again? You don't, and no amount of spying or lurking around his every move will prevent him from cheating if he really wants to. So your best bet is to focus on him and your new addition to the best of your abilities. Keep your relationship going in the direction it has been and chances are you will be fine.

If you do all you can to remain in synch with your husband, and he still chooses to stray then at that point you can truly say "I did my best, and he has issues of his own that he needs to work on".

Time will tell, but there is no use worrying about it at this point. As i said, if he REALLY wants to go to another woman he will do it no matter what you do. But I don't think he wants another woman, he wants you but you were closed off for whatever reason so he looked for someone to fill his needs.

Good luck, and I must say that it is commendable that your husband came clean about the whole thing. That to me says he truly wants YOU, but simply was lonely. Doesn't excuse it, but it sends a sign of hope for the future. All is not lost for you two in the least. : )

[Tarnished]

You should really read my husband and my thread http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/17111-blindsided-dumbstruck.html, it sounds very much like your story except backwards. I was the one who went seeking attention outside of our marriage. I, like your husband confessed it to my husband and began the process of repentance. Currently our marriage is stronger than ever. We still have our ups and downs, but things are much better.

In our case the man I became involved with was someone I met online, he lives 12 hours away from us. So meeting up with him was not as easy as it sounds like it is for your husband to meet up with the girl he is interested in. When I began my repentance process by telling my husband I agreed to never contact this man again. Because of that I have made a point of telling my husband every time something happens. I have told him about the two times the man called me, and had my husband call him back. I have told my husband about all the thoughts that go on in my head, so that he knows what I am thinking about. But mostly I am working on the stuff that I failed at.

Marriage is not a one sided effort. When a marriage fails it is usually because both sides are failing in some way. When I realized that my marriage was falling apart and that I had done something that might cause its demise I realized how much I love my husband and really wanted our marriage to work out. I started changing things that I did around the house. And our marriage began to get better. Yes, you might have some things that you need to do to change to make the marriage better. But he does as well. If he has changed himself enough, then when you do have your baby he will not have a problem, because he will have become the type of man who will not need to look outside his marriage. It really is dependent on our choices and whether or not we choose to change ourselves.

I wish you and your husband the best of luck in this. It is a long and painful road, but in the end it is worth it.

[Gwen]

i recommend this book His Needs, Her Needs