How Do I Stop These Feelings?

[skippy740]

Ok it seems that there's been a bit of confusion - my fault sorry, maybe I didn't clarify enough in my first post. That talk we had - was literally about breaking up. The things he said (regarding loving me but not being 'in love', thinking of other people, being single etc), he was pretty much saying that he's here because he has no choice (i.e he doesn't want to leave our children, can't afford to go out and get his own place etc), so it's just like he's here not for me - but cos he has no choice.

With this information, you can completely disregard my post.

[danni]

Just express "what you want to happen", not what you don't like that is happening. Good men live to make their wives happy but often don't know just how to do it.

I like this - it's doing it in a positive way instead of focusing on the negative. Thanks :)

Also, see if he will pray with you at least once a day, that is probably the most powerful thing you can do as a couple.

You're right, even if we do nothing else, doing this might just help.

Also, it's vital that you spend as much time as possible together each day. The more the better. Do everything together as much as he will let that happen & not be bugged by it. He will almost surely get more used to this & start wanting to be with you more & ask you to go places with him. This can work even with very hardened spouses. Lots of time together is very important & is usually how we fell in love in the 1st place & what it takes to stay in love, while also putting the other's happiness & desires ahead of our own each day.

We're lucky in the fact that we work together. We get a lot of time together, it's great, I wouldn't have it any other way... our days can be very flexible - so if we needed to take a couple of hours to do something, we can take it :) But if we need our space, we can have that too.

Thanks for your post :)

[danni]

With this information, you can completely disregard my post.

Thanks, to confuse the issue even more - he retracted it the next day. Grrr! I'd rather just know his honest feelings... whether it hurts or not.

I guess I'm really intent on knowing the truth because of something my Dad said to me. I was really close to my Dad (who was fatally shot while out hunting 7 yrs ago) and the last time we talked (this was before I even met my husband), we were talking about guys and he asked me to look at him and said to me "don't ever settle for second best - you deserve much better than that". So I feel like I made a pact with him that day...

What I'm saying is, that that is the reason I need to know if my husband is in this for the long haul. I am. I have put my heart and soul into this... have sacrificed sooo much for him and his career. He knows that, and I know he appreciates it. But when he talks so easily about leaving, or being on his own... I just sit back and think how disappointed my Dad would be if I let this go on... feeling like I don't mean much to my own husband.

But then.... like my post yesterday - he turns it all around... so yeah, even I'm confused.

[Corey]

As mentioned previously, "His Need, Her Needs" is a must read. "Love and Respect" is another. Both of you are going through very common thoughts and feeling. You both would benefit from a growing understanding of what the other person is going through. Much of the difference is based on comon differences between gender.

LDS Family Services could be considered

Also, he's being a jerk by sharing those thoughts with you. Nothing good will come of it. MANY men wonder what it would be like being married to another woman. Fantasy is very dangerous. The devil is knocking at his door. Expressing anger and shutting him out won't help. Learning what needs of his aren't being met and then meeting them will help, even if you feel he doesn't deserve it.

Edited June 10, 2009 by Corey