A case of NIMBY

[Guest Believer_1829]

Louis Midgely tells a story about working with sex offenders that has stuck with me over the years. It took a few google searches, but I finally found it:

I would much rather spend my time helping these men repent and change, then spend it condemning them as vile perverts who can't change and who deserve to be "locked up forever", or take pleasure in hoping "Bubba" would find them in prison, as I have seen many people do.

[NeuroTypical]

Sounds good to me, believer. Sounds like a false dichotomy too, but whatever.

If I could advance my own false dichotomy in response to yours:

I would much rather spend my time helping victims recover and increase their shot at a healthy normal life, than abandon them by buddying up with known preadators and extending blind acceptance to them. Now, of course, those are not my only two options, just like 'helping vs condemning' the perpetrators aren't your only two.

I personally know several victims of child sex abuse, and I personally know several perpetrators. My in-laws contain both types in startling numbers. On occasion, when I'm forced to chose, I stand with the victims. Occasionally, this means condemning the actions of the perpetrators, declining to associate with them.

Am I wrong to do so?

LM

Edited August 5, 2009 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Guest Believer_1829]

Sounds good to me, believer. Sounds like a false dichotomy too, but whatever.

If I could advance my own false dichotomy in response to yours:

I would much rather spend my time helping victims recover and increase their shot at a healthy normal life, than abandon them by buddying up with known preadators and extending blind acceptance to them. Now, of course, those are not my only two options, just like 'helping vs condemning' the perpetrators aren't your only two.

I personally know several victims of child sex abuse, and I personally know several perpetrators. My in-laws contain both types in startling numbers. On occasion, when I'm forced to chose, I stand with the victims. Occasionally, this means condemning the actions of the perpetrators, declining to associate with them.

Am I wrong to do so?

LM

I wasn't seeking to argue with you, I was actually offering that in support of your post about the person that visited the Maori offenders.

I don't know how helping them repent and change is "buddying up" and "extending blind acceptance to them". But if that's what it is.... consider me guilty. Like Alma and the sons of Helaman I don't wish to see any soul perish and will do my best to help as many people find forgiveness through Jesus Christ and change their lives as possible.

To each his own.

**Just to clarify I never said their actions shouldn't be condemned. Please reread my post***

[dazed-and-confused]

I think it's important that BOTH parties are able to recieve healing in order to get on with their life.

As was also mentioned earlier in this post, pedophiles and violent offenders are most likely to re-offend. With reguard to the posts stating SO's were evicted because of their status and that some could now be homeless, jobless and depressed, stepping stones to re-offending, even though they may not have if otherwise in a more stable social environment, should there be some sort of social program to keep them more localized, like a small aprtment complex that everyone knows about and can steer clear of if they want to, or try to help if they want to? Would having them in "one space", so to speak, be easier to keep an eye on them?

[Guest Believer_1829]

I think it's important that BOTH parties are able to recieve healing in order to get on with their life.

As was also mentioned earlier in this post, pedophiles and violent offenders are most likely to re-offend. With reguard to the posts stating SO's were evicted because of their status and that some could now be homeless, jobless and depressed, stepping stones to re-offending, even though they may not have if otherwise in a more stable social environment, should there be some sort of social program to keep them more localized, like a small aprtment complex that everyone knows about and can steer clear of if they want to, or try to help if they want to? Would having them in "one space", so to speak, be easier to keep an eye on them?

I think some type of multi-residential complex for those SO's coming out of prison, going through a treatment program, or those having trouble finding work/housing, is an excellent idea. Guidelines could be established for living there and criteria set for when they could pursue living in a normal residential area and move forward in their lives.

There are plenty of abandoned industrial areas in major cities where old warehouses could be converted to apartments, that are not by schools or parks, for such a project.

[Seanette]

I personally know several victims of child sex abuse, and I personally know several perpetrators. My in-laws contain both types in startling numbers. On occasion, when I'm forced to chose, I stand with the victims. Occasionally, this means condemning the actions of the perpetrators, declining to associate with them.

Am I wrong to do so?

As a survivor of sexual abuse by a pedophile relative (my now-deceased father), I'm grateful to you for valuing the victims and giving them/us loyalty and support instead of telling the kids to deal with it while falling all over yourself to keep from hurting the offender's feelings by actually calling evil what it is.

[Guest Believer_1829]

Obviously, we have people who neglected to carefully read my post.

[dazed-and-confused]

As a survivor of sexual abuse by a pedophile relative (my now-deceased father), I'm grateful to you for valuing the victims and giving them/us loyalty and support instead of telling the kids to deal with it while falling all over yourself to keep from hurting the offender's feelings by actually calling evil what it is.

as a male abused by women, in the late 50's, my preteen years, and 60's during my teen years, i think it is important to give to the victims what they need, but that does not nullify the abuser, who most likely, was a victim, themselves........yes, themselves, ....not himself or herself.....as i am living proof that women molest little boys just like men do girls...and as we are just beginning to hear on the news about women teachers doing the same.

what really bugs me is women who have been abused, simply sitting back and saying (and feeling) that men are **** or whatever, as if no woman could be capable of such a thing.

why, because they are female and somehow exempt from being a POS?

i believe there is a much larger opicture here than my personal pain, and yours, seanette, and that this stuff goes back farther than you think, and involves more men and WOMEN than you think

[rameumptom]

36.211% of statistics are improperly precise.

About 50% of statistics are approximations.

103% of statistics don't make sense.

10% of statistics have religious overtones.

99.98%of statistics are very inclusive, while 0.02% are highly exclusionary.

80% of statistics use round numbers.

Does this mean that 90% of statistics have religious undertones?

[rameumptom]

We do need to support victims of any crime. Having said that, we also need to realize that all are God's children, and in need of help, forgiveness, and rehabilitation. We do not justify the person's crime. But we do not throw out the baby with the bath water, either.

[NeuroTypical]

i think it is important to give to the victims what they need, but that does not nullify the abuser, who most likely, was a victim, themselves........

From what I've been able to put together in my in-law's family, there are three perpetrators, at least two of them started out as victims themselves. Unfortunately, those 3 perps have spread it to the next generation, molesting at least one niece and one nephew. Yes, I'm very aware that these two kids are now at higher risk of becoming perpetrators themselves. This is how the poison spreads.

I'm not advocating we focus on victims and ignore or shun the perps. I am advocating that before we act on behalf of the perpetrator, we consider the impact our actions might have on the victim.

Seanette said something interesting - advocating against "telling the kids to deal with it while falling all over yourself to keep from hurting the offender's feelings by actually calling evil what it is." It's interesting because it's exactly, almost word for word, a page out of my in-law's story. It's not uncommon from what I understand.

LDS Social Services occasionally runs a "parents of offenders" class, which attempts to help the parents deal with the realities behind their children's actions, and how the parents have often had a hand in creating offenders. Where possible, offenders who have responded well to therapy and have kept their noses clean, participate in these classes and try to help parents understand their part in the drama.

It's a complicated subject where every success is won by patience and long-suffering.

LM