Maybe this will make me free...

[LostSheep]

Tonight I installed Covenant Eyes on my computer with my mom as an acountability partner. In other words, I can't look at porn on this computer without her knowing...I bought a month of it (but the company is giving me a free month since it crashed my computer the 1st time I installed it) and I'll see how it goes from there...I'm not exactly made of money, but 8 bucks a month seems worth it to me...If it means I can be free from porn...I know this won't solve the problem, but I hope it at least minimizes the temptation. I hope this works...

[tubaloth]

K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software

Its free. Probably is close to the same thing. Have your Mom set it up, (with a password only she knows) and you won't get through.

[LostSheep]

I'm fine with what I have...This program gives me freedom, and makes me accountable for my actioons...I don't have to worry about key loggers or cruddy blockers that block the wrong things....Ive seen the K9 software, and I wasnt happy with it.

[Mahone]

...I can't look at porn on this computer without her knowing...

Hmmm, not entirely true, but I really hope it works for you. These locally installed filter/monitor programs that cost money to purchase are still a bit of a sore spot for me, as they rely on obscurity to work (i.e. the user not having the knowledge to bypass them and don't inform people how easy it is to do so). So basically I don't like the companies that produce this kind of software and I would love to have a discussion with some of their employees.

[Maxel]

Hope that works, LostSheep! Good luck!

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

I think that the fact he's addressed his porn addiction to his own mother and has taken steps involving her to solve his adiction shows that he has more determondation, not to mention humility, than every other guy here.

My advice, dont make porn such a forbidden fruit. This usually just makes it more tempting. Come to be indifferent to it. Its there yes, but you dont care. You dont need it. And after a while, you wont even want it. And of course dont put yourself in a position to be tempted. That alone is the key step to any temptation. Thats why I have no mirrors in my house---Pride and Vanity.

[threepercent]

Tonight I installed Covenant Eyes on my computer with my mom as an acountability partner. In other words, I can't look at porn on this computer without her knowing...I bought a month of it (but the company is giving me a free month since it crashed my computer the 1st time I installed it) and I'll see how it goes from there...I'm not exactly made of money, but 8 bucks a month seems worth it to me...If it means I can be free from porn...I know this won't solve the problem, but I hope it at least minimizes the temptation. I hope this works...

free? free? what?

a prison could be defined as walls that prevent a person from doing what they cannot prevent themselves from doing.

sounds to me like you built a prison not set yourself free.

You need to face the facts. you are acting like a slave, and a pitiful one at that, but you hold the keys to your bondage.

If you want to be a free person, you are going to have to act like it, and you are going to have to fight for your freedom.

YOU are going to have to go to war. YOU are going to have to win the war. YOU will have to plant your flag and say "HERE I STAND".

YOU are going to have to stop pretending that the battle lines are external and face yourself and your thoughts.

You know the reason you use external controls is because your internal controls suck. you need to buttress up your internal control, pick the real battle line, (and you know that that line is when you first allow improper thoughts, not when you sit down to look at porn and the battle is already lost) armor up, draw your sword, hunker down behind your shield, sing a song of battle and raise your flag.

in other words, YOU have to CHOOSE to go to war as a warrior not to whine like a slave that your chains are heavy.

You can still use external controls, especially if they help your internal controls. but stop pretending that you are fighting if you are not going to fight.

NO one but you can fight this battle. NO ONE> others can help, others can point out your tactical and strategical errors. others can offer behind the line support and encouragement, but you and you alone will have to face this demon. just get busy and do it.

I will support you in this fight all I can, but coddle you I will not. I will personally dedicate time to email and pm and call and anything else I can do to assist you, but I will only tell you the harsh truth.

you need a support group that will wave the bs flag when you start to spout junk like this. you need people who love you enough that they will call you out as a liar when you lie and a chicken when you cower. you need people you can trust enough to call when you need help. you need to turn to the Lord in all these things most.

Where are you? there are support groups of this type everywhere, and like I said I will also offer my support if you are ready to really fight.

[LostSheep]

Uh...sorry?

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

And the award for most melodramatic goes to...

[LostSheep]

The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back.

[lost87]

hmm...I think the best advice i can offer you my dear is to completely ignore wht threepercent said...i'd take about 3% of his post to be valid to your situation

I am sooo proud of you for taking this step! You are doing awesome. I know it was probably very difficult to turn to your family for support but taking that leap of faith was a huge step of courage! I think that the lord gave us families for a reason, and its wonderful that you recognize that and are willing to be humble enough to do so. In my opinion this thread testitifies of your strength and ability to overcome this more than anything else i've read from you...you are showing the Lord that you are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this, and I know He will reward that effort!

Let me know how you like the program...I may think about it for myeslf...

Thanks for being such an amazing example to me today! Your the best!

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back.

I wont tell you what you should do. But what I would do is first off ignore completely most of what Threepercent has to say. If putting up filters is what you need to start your healing then go for it. Nothing says you cant remove the filters later when you're able to. And the last time i checked putting up barriers for ones self wasnt prision, but more like armor. Keep putting up your armor lostsheep, defend yourself from your enemy as long as you need until you are strong enough to need only a large stick and maybe a knife instead of a whole suite of armor. haha

You're doing fine lostsheep, go back to your grazing.

[lost87]

really don't listen to what 3% said dear. he is one person compared to all the many people who have applauded your efforts and recommended a filter. You chose to install it because you thought it would help you...stick with that. It is not cowardly to build defenses, its stupid not to.

Imagine this as a war and take 3% advice into account....in a real war like situation what he is suggesting is to forget putting any walls or obstacles between you and your enemy because it is cowardly, forget putting on armor to protect yourself because it shows your enslaved, and shoot, lets forget to fight the oncoming army with your unit...you don't need to depend on the man holding the gun next to you, you can take the whole legion coming towards you all on your own, defensless, and unprotected. Exactly how long do you think someone would last in this situation?

Parallel that to your own personal war against satan, its just as real. In fact, it is even more devastating than a physical war between mortals. The battle for our souls will far outweigh any mortal fight throughout history. This is something that you should be putting every wall up possible between you and the enemy, laying every obstacle you can possibly think of between you and sin, covering every possible vulnerable spot of you with heavy armor, and relying on those around you to help in the fight. A filter system is one piece of your armor, it creates an obstacle that satan has to overcome to get you to give in to pornography again, and your mother and your bishop are the friends standing by your side prepared to fight WITH you, not FOR you in this battle.

Your doing the right thing, making the right choices...it takes a tremendous amount of courage and dedication to fight against Satan as much as you are now...don't let him convince you otherwise.

Keep fighting in whatever way you can.

[Bini]

Good on you for being honest with yourself about having a problem and addressing it

I can relate to this but in a somewhat different scenario. My ex-husband dealt with the same temptations and then some. When we sought help from our Bishop and a counselor, it was advised that he not have internet access, period. This was not a 'forever sentence' but for that time being. Many people would think that's ridiculous and unnecessary but as his wife (at that time) and as a couple, we agreed it was the 'right' decision and step taken. And it was a BIG step for both of us because I enjoyed spending free time on the internet doing my own activities. But we turned off our internet for several months, did more enriching 'couple activities' and it helped. Both of us were inactive members and that whole ordeal actually got us back to church for awhile..

Anyway that was a bit long and maybe not enough relevance to you but I just wanted to share it. I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. YOU know yourself and what it will take in order for you to beat this addiction. Having a support system like your mum is also great :] I hope you stick to your guns on this and wish you the best in overcoming it!

[threepercent]

And the award for most melodramatic goes to...

you think porn addiction is funny? no? you just think you are funny?

anyone who has ever dealt with any addiction will easily recognize the thinking errors in the OP. It is about 1/2 cry for help, and 1/2 nothing but lame excuses. and the response tells me there is little current desire to really fix the problem, and thats common. giving up a addiction is tough, because the person has to want to loose it more than anything else, and every addiction has its own desires.

Porn is difficult because it is really "self medicating" in that you can release the stimulants merely by thinking about it. You become your own drug dealer.

so the addict looks for enablers, like you, darkly, and lost87, who just aggravate the situation by coddling the little one and saying there, there, it will all just be alright, when what he needs is the truth.

they look for someone who will say, your efforts are noble, when they are not.

Lostsheep's eternal welfare is at stake, and this is the most real war he will ever face, if he decides to face it.

I did not say that external controls are bad, I said keep them if they help your internal controls, but to pretend that external controls are anything but a crutch is utter bull. only the internal controls matter in the end. only there comes real freedom. you are never free if you cannot face your addiction, you at some point have to look at the bottle, or the smoke. or the needle, or the doughnut, or the porn, and walk away of your own choice. only then are you free.

take a good look at this pile of crud

"The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back."

let me translate, I dont like this advice, so I am going to play the pity card, and threaten to go back to my old ways. no, you are not "only trying to do whats right" you are playing a game.

all this from someone who needs to grow up badly. I offered my email, my im, my phone, my undying support, if he would fight... does that sound like I am saying dont enlist help? get real. I said get support from those who really love you enough to tell you when you are full of it. that is the most important part of any "12 step" or anything else, people who will tell you the truth even when it hurts.

so I am telling the truth, Lost, you have a cancer, it needs to be cut out. it will suck. you need to act like a man, not a coward. you are 19? act like it. grow up and quit playing the pity card. If you are here in utah I will help if you really want to win. I will help you get a support group that understands and will never judge you at all. I will give you my personal phone number and you can call me 24/7 if you need help. I will do anything in my power to help you, but you have to help yourself first. I, nor anyone else can do it for you, we can only offer support. the real battle line is in your thoughts, and you have to garnish your thoughts with virtue all the time. that is the real battle front. anything else is just symptoms. no one but you can win that battle. no one but you can control your thoughts. no one but you can decide if you really want to fight to win or if you just want to drag this out.

I am sorry that you have received such pitiful advice such as '"The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. " that is only an external control not a real focus on the problem, and that is your choices. having a internet filter is great if it helps, but you have to fix the real problem, not just cover it up. to do that you have to face it. you need to stop objectifying women in your head. you need to stop allowing improper thoughts to creep in. you know you NEVER sat down at the computer to look at the porn without having ALREADY lost the battle.

there are great resources to help you. but you have to want help. you may be able to fling that crud on others here, but not me, I have had my own roads to trod, and so I can call you out with the voice of experience.

if you want real help, I am here, just pm me, if not, wallow in your cowardice till you are. I suspect I will be around when you hit bottom. you will never be able to have a good relationship. you will utterly wreck your life. you cannot experience the best things life has to offer if you continue. you cannot even understand what real love is, either for yourself or for another.

is that a joke? is that melodramatic?

[threepercent]

again, I just want to say, I am putting my money where my mouth is Lost, I will do ANYTHING I can to help you. ANYTHING. I promise.

If you are in utah, my best friends life is dedicated to this cause. I can help.

I do not judge you at all. I will call out your lies, but I will never judge you. and I will love you.

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

If this is how windy you are when you type, I can only imagine the horror of being in a room having to hear you speak. Does the bishop have to flash you the red warning light every time you give a talk in church?

[LostSheep]

so the addict looks for enablers, like you, darkly, and lost87, who just aggravate the situation by coddling the little one and saying there, there, it will all just be alright, when what he needs is the truth.

I'd appreciate it if you left darkly and lost87 out of this, as they did nothing wrong.

[not_ashamed]

The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back.

LOST!!!! dont you dare do that. Especially not because of the comment made by one.

You are doing the best you can to avoid temptation, just bacause one person believes you are imprisoning yourself doesnt make it true.

You have totally put yourself out there, and are making more of an effort than most would ever dare. I am proud of you lost, dont be discouraged by the words of someone else.

[HEthePrimate]

Well, LostSheep, it won't make you free. But it can serve as a useful tool in your quest to overcome your addiction. I wish you the best in your efforts, my friend!

Peace,

HEP

[Guest Godless]

I'll be the first to say that I agree with what threepercent has said, even if I don't necessarily agree with how he said it. External controls are a step in the right direction, but it won't stop your desires. You're still addicted, even if you're blocking out the thing you're addicted to. And as a non-member who has been to countries that mandate internet controls against porn, believe me when I say that there are ways around them. I know you don't currently have any incentive to try to find a way around the blockades, but you might one day feel inclined to do so if the temptation becomes strong enough. You need to fight the temptation, and that's going to require willpower and determination to change, not computer software.

Again, you're on the right path. There's no need to reverse the steps you've already taken. But please don't fall into the false assumption that this is the end-all solution to your problem. Prohibition didn't cure anyone of alcohol addiction. Computer controls won't cure your pornography addiction. When the time comes that you can avoid the temptation without the external barriers, then and only then will you truly be free.

I commend you for your efforts to overcome this unwanted addiction and I hope that you will continue to make progress.

Edited August 22, 2009 by Godless

[LostSheep]

In the very first post of this thread, I wrote "I know this won't solve the problem, but I hope it at least minimizes the temptation". I know this isn't the solution...I don't know why everyone thinks I said that.

Anyway, turns out I can't uninstall this program without calling the company. And If I do, no refunds. So I might as well wait.

[Guest Godless]

In the very first post of this thread, I wrote "I know this won't solve the problem, but I hope it at least minimizes the temptation". I know this isn't the solution...I don't know why everyone thinks I said that.

Anyway, turns out I can't uninstall this program without calling the company. And If I do, no refunds. So I might as well wait.

Yeah, I noticed that right after I finished my last post. Sorry. I think the title of the thread gave some people (myself included) the impression that you saw this as a definitive solution. You're right, this program will help minimize the temptation. And that may be the first step to a true recovery. Keep the software, but don't let your guard down. Keep fighting.

[Misshalfway]

Hey Lost Sheep.

I think an internet filter is a great idea. And I am glad it isn't so easy to uninstall. Your choice to do this isn't a sign of weakness. Its a sign of humble strength. Feel that humble strength. Own it!! It is absolutley OK to be honest about where your weak places are. The armies of the BofM installed timbers and moats around their cities. Did this make them weak?

I like the filter idea because when you can't get your drug of choice it forces to you deal with out of balance emotions and gives you a chance to practice your recovery behaviors. Practicing is cool. It is a firm but understanding path. You can celebrate your forward motions and analyze your mistakes. With time you will gain momentum.

Remember....don't get so focused on the end results that you forget to find the value in the journey of today. " Today is sufficient for the evil thereof". That is bible speak for "just deal with today." And don't be discouraged if your pace is slow. Its like a train. It starts out slow but gains momentum and soon becomes a force to be reconned with. :) That will be you too.

And to some of the posters who seem to understand a little of addiction recovery, it sounds like you are using a very big bat to make your point. Been talking to LS for a long time. Yes the "addict" speak is still there but I see great progress. It doesn't always help to force a person to jump a mile in a day. Addiction is conquered one day at a time, one hour at a time, one behavior or thought at a time. And that is absolutely ok. For LS to involve his mother is akin to Ozzy Osbourne becoming president. It's huge! And for him to give control away to someone else. Also HUGE!!

I congratulate him.

[LostSheep]

You make a good point Misshalfway...Ozzy Osbourne WOULD make a terrible president......Oh...and thank your encouragement. I don't see it as enabling. I have gone two weeks without porn. When I felt like I was going to fail, I decided to try this software to keep me going longer.