Should I tell them?

[funkenheimer]

Thanks for the advice. I did let my daughters go with my ex-wife this weekend. Sort of anyway. I talked to my mother-in-law and told her I would let her take the girls for the weekend (my ex-wife lives with her) but they could not be left alone with my ex-wife.

I went and picked them up Saturday afternoon and we went and got ice cream. We talked a bit and I asked them what they knew and if they had any questions. They didn't understand why we divorced. They knew their mother had an addiction problem in the past but they didn't know to what extent and they had not related it to the divorce. I didn't tell them. I asked if they had any questions and they both said they would prefer not to talk about it. I left it at that. I will have the same conversation with them in a few months and I will let them decide when its time.

Thanks again for all the great advice.

[FairChild]

Perhaps a better question would be not should I tell my children, but when should I tell them?

[FairChild]

funkenheimer, you did a wonderful job loving your daughters this week end. You did an excellent job parenting.

[Norte70]

Most children have an internal barometer that allows processing of emotional information. It is when they experience information for which they have not developed coping skills that we see issues. Good resources for you to determine your children’s preparation is to Google Piaget and assess their individual levels of development, and also maybe correlate with their counselor. The most important aspect is your involvement in their lives, you need to be aware of when they are ready for information and then provide them with that level each one can cope with. It is dangerous for young children to receive acute traumatic information from unreliable sources. Manage you own demons before creating new ones for your children. Google Jo-Hari Window

[mightynancy]

Well done, Funkenheimer. :) You're a swell dad.

[spirettedotter]

These are all very good comments to think about. My only addition would be to pray about it and trust the Holy Ghost to guide you, until you know what you need to do and say. Always speak respectfully about your ex, and always keep your girls' best interest in mind as you act.