Families Are Forever?

[Guest popahe]

Hi. This is my first time to post to a board so forgive any green-ness. I've decided to change this post a little because I was coming off as an overaged cry-baby. Sorry. All I really want to know is if any of the family hasn't lived up to the eternal family code, we won't have to go on being sealed to the family member, will we?

Mary

[Ray]

It sounds like your Mom is trying to get away with "unrighteous dominion", and No, she will not be able to get away with that in heaven.

And btw, my parents aren't the best of all parents either, and we're not very close at all (their choice, not mine), but I still want to be sealed to them with the expectation that if they ever do accept the sealing ordinance, (which will probably need to be done in their behalf, because I seriously doubt they would do that during their mortal life here), they will have "matured" to the point where having them as my parents will be a pleasurable and righteous experience.

Or in other words, I truly do want a Mom and a Dad, and if my mother and father don't live up to their potential in order to be able to be my Mom and my Dad forever, then I expect to have my grandparents, or great parents, or great grandparents, or my great great grandparents as my Mom and my Dad, depending on whoever is next in line as being righteous enough to be able to preside over their family.

[Guest Taoist_Saint]

No one can really control you unless you let them. I know that is easier said than done, but maybe with some kind of counseling (individual or the entire family) you can learn to be less sensitive, and more independent...and teach your mother to be more respectful. I think its important that you get these things sorted out in THIS life, for the sake of your sanity. The next life can wait.

But as far as the Celestial Kingdom is concerned, there are a few things to consider. For one thing, a mother who behaves this way would, I assume, have her behavior "fixed" if she is going to be exalted. Perhaps that means she will recieve counseling of some sort in the spirit world to improve her behavior. I cannot imagine that the Celestial Kingdom, which is supposed to be eternal happiness...paradise...etc...I can't imagine that there will be disfunctional eternal families there. I assume God will educate them to get along, or they will not be admitted. Just my opinion.

Also, if you look at the recent topic about Eternal Families, I asked the question why kids were sealed to their parents, considering that our eternal families will actually consist of a husband and wife and their SPIRIT children...not their earth children. Their earth children will be with their spouses creating their own spirit children, and ruling over their own separate worlds. So you may not be actually LIVING with your mother in the Celestial Kingdom...you will just have the privilige of visiting her, which I assume would be voluntary.

I will bump that topic up to the top of page 1, so you can read it.

Oh, and by the way...I found both "ow" and "ouch" in the dictionary. They are BOTH real words...you were right and your mother was wrong :)

ow    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (ou)

interj.

Used especially in response to sudden pain.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

[BenRaines]

popahe,

I am looking forward to hearing more posts about how a 50 yr old man can't leave the house without his mother calling the police and how she has undercut every job you have tried to have.

If you have never had a job what are you going to be able to do when she is no longer on the earth?

Would you like fries with that?

Did you have to get her permission to go online too?

[Guest Taoist_Saint]

I am looking forward to hearing more posts about how a 50 yr old man can't leave the house without his mother calling the police and how she has undercut every job you have tried to have.

Not that it makes much difference, but I believe Popahe is a woman, considering her name is Mary.

I didn't notice Mary's age, but that does raise the question of how this has gone on for so long?

Regardless, as I said above, it sounds like this is unhealthy and needs to be worked out in THIS life...not in Heaven.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 7 2005, 05:40 PM

popahe,

I am looking forward to hearing more posts about how a 50 yr old man can't leave the house without his mother calling the police and how she has undercut every job you have tried to have.

I think popahe (aka Mary) is a woman. But I agree, I can't imagine someone in their fifties being controlled by their mother. Taoist is correct, people can only control you if you let them.

M.

[BenRaines]

Sorry about that didn't see the signature of Mary at the bottom. Still wonder what this woman will do when her mother is no longer on the earth to control her.

[Guest ToasterOfen]

I think that Mary does need some counseling because she is dealing with a tremendous amount of garbage from her mother. And, it is easy to make judgements about why she is still living under her mother's roof...but there is mental abuse at play here. Unless you've experienced it, you don't know the affects it can have on you.

I made it out of my house and away from my mom...but there was a tremendous amount of verbal, mental and psycological abuse that still affects me to this day. I think that Mary's mother is so controlling and domineering that Mary just learned to hand the control over to her mother at a very young age, and has just continued to do that. She never learned to take back control, and probably feels very inferior, under-confidant and the like. Yes, it is her choice now, but she has never learned how to stand up for herself and be her own person.

Although I am now doing fairly well (thank-you) despite my past, I still have huge hang-ups. One of them is feeling that I am not capable of anything. Like Mary, everything I was good at was sabotaged by my mother and taken away...so I quit trying to do anything, and felt I would always fail.

Now, at 30, I am looking at going back to school, and do some of things I always wanted to do. But, honestly, I have no confidence, I think I'll fail, so I keep avoiding it.

So, if you look at my situation and compound it a hundred times, you have Mary's situation. I feel really bad for her because I can see how easily my life could have turned into hers.

Mary/Popahe...Tao gave some great advice...read it again. And I would recommend counseling...you have dealt with emotional/phycological abuse your entire life, and you need help sorting through things and getting things back on track. I know you want to be a good daughter, but your mother is asserting unrighteous dominion over you, and you do not have to tolerate that. When your mother treats you like that, you are in no way breaking the commandment of honoring your parents if you don't tolerate being treated like garbage. You have a god-given obligation to care and take care of yourself.

[Setheus]

Mary, Heavenly Father loves you. He wants you to be happy in this life. He wants you to know your worth. In encourage you to go to church *if you do not go already* and make friends. See how it is to be an adult and to think for yourself. Try to move out on your own if you can. Or find a room mate close to your age. If you are 50 that means your mother is at least 70..... How do YOU want to spend the next 20 years...?

Take courage Mary. Its not too late to be the woman you could be.

[Guest ToasterOfen]

Can I say, again, how awesome you are, Setheus...Awesome I say!

[Outshined]

Originally posted by Maureen@Dec 7 2005, 06:50 PM

I think popahe (aka Mary) is a woman. But I agree, I can't imagine someone in their fifties being controlled by their mother. Taoist is correct, people can only control you if you let them.

M.

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I can relate a bit. My grandmother (who raised us) had decided that I would be the one to live at home and never marry. Instead I joined the Army at 18 and moved on. She stayed angry at me until she died, and I don't think she ever forgave me for getting married, but I decided early that I had to live my life for me.

I wouldn't change a thing. B)

[lisajo]

I think It's like living with an abusive husband ...being so used to it, having no way to get out, and then you just give up, Some where along the line It sounds like she has given up to her controling Mother,

Counseling Is definatly an option, Or put your head up high and just find away out!

[BenRaines]

Folks, how is she going to go and get counseling if she can't leave the house without her mother calling the police on her 50+ daughter. She needs to stand up to her mother and tell her to get stuffed and move out. But how does she move out without a job? How does she get a job if she can't leave the house.

Since she is the youngest of three maybe her mother is much older than 70. I don't see a way out until her mom is no longer around.

[Guest Taoist_Saint]

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 7 2005, 07:36 PM

Folks, how is she going to go and get counseling if she can't leave the house without her mother calling the police on her 50+ daughter. She needs to stand up to her mother and tell her to get stuffed and move out.  But how does she move out without a job?  How does she get a job if she can't leave the house.

Since she is the youngest of three maybe her mother is much older than 70.  I don't see a way out until her mom is no longer around.

That isn't giving her much hope...I think that if she wants to get counseling, she can get counseling.

She said her mom will call the police if she is gone "too long". Well, that shouldn't be a problem for a short visit to a therapist, would it?

As for getting a job...her mother has broken any self esteem she might have to attempt getting a job, if I understand correctly.

I think that if she is able to get out of the house long enough for some counseling, she can then gain the confidence to stand up to her mother...then stay out of the house longer...gain confidence to look for a job...etc...

And by the way, before going to counseling, maybe the Bishop could be the first person she talks to. Although they are not trained counselers, a bishop might still be able to help...

[BenRaines]

TS, you are correct that Bishops are not trained counselors but the have the resources of the church in helping those in need. Especially their members.

Bishop can also authorize use to fast offering funds to cover costs of LDS social services if he feels it is necessary.

Mary must do something on her own to get out of where she is. It can't be done by someone else but must be done by her.

[Jason]

I don't think "mary" is a real poster. Me thinks this is a Spam post by a fellow board member.

[Roseslipper]

this is my first time posting something hehe so i dont know if i am doing it right or wrong...i agree with toast....Mary male, or female needs to get some counsling, and start to take some steps to move forward, and become Indepent. Its how we learn and grow, step by step....and toast i am very proud of you, keep up the good work and move forward....remember non of us are perfect if we were we would be translated. Its all a learning experience, and we all have our own emotinal baggage , or stuff or (crap) we have to deal with...SO just keep moving forward...And try not to forget Your a Child of God...and He will help you... :) p.s Plus do we really know if this person is able to live on there own..? hum, Maybe thats why we can judge? Do we know the whole story??

[StrawberryFields]

Hey I also live in Ut like Mary, and I can't imagine that the police would tolerate being called for such silliness on the mothers part.

Mary, Is your father still alive?

It seems to me that your mother has lost much control and she only has you to control. She probably doesn't want to be left alone and so she has messed up your life. I can't imagine that she doesn't love you Mary she is just letting her wants and needs get in the way of you living your own life. Just my opinion though

[lisajo]

Originally posted by Taoist_Saint@Dec 7 2005, 06:57 PM

And by the way, before going to counseling, maybe the Bishop could be the first person she talks to.  Although they are not trained counselers, a bishop might still be able to help...

←

Good Point, Also...Maybe she should just let her Mother call the police when she is gone to long, after doing it several times the Mother might just give it up, or the police will not take her serious any more, Yes Ben she might have to wait for her Mother to die, But come on if she doesn't start taking some steps her self and Show her Mother she wont take things any more she will not move on with her life, If her Mother kicks her out yes that is not good for her but.....she can find help, and she will be free even though she will have to learn how to take care of her life on her own!

Also maybe she has some kind of problem that we don't about, and her Mother gets Government help for her

[Guest popahe]

Are you kidding? I'll finally be able to live! I like all the posts about not being able to understand how this has gone on so long. I've often asked myself that question. I guess it was the Ten Commandment thing at first, then it became habit...it was easier to give in than fight for freedom. I raised my child in the parents' home. She's grown up now. I've been studying to have a late life career, yep. I'll finally be able to live.

Mary

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 7 2005, 06:52 PM

Sorry about that didn't see the signature of Mary at the bottom.  Still wonder what this woman will do when her mother is no longer on the earth to control her.

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[Justlooking]

Honor your Father and Mother doesnt mean to take abuse from them. The best thing you can do is move out. Get a job and get a small efficency apartment so you can save on bills since you are starting out. I wouldnt try a roommate, because that usually brings more problems that you are leaving. (ex they dont pay their share of the bills, bring home people at all hours, make a mess and dont clean up etc.)

Remember who you are in Christ, pray for those who hurt you, love those who hate you and live everyday to bring God glory. Also devote time to reading the bible everyday and pray and seek the Lord.

Above all I cant stress it enought, AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE at all costs. If they bring nothing to the table and just take and never say thank you, its a liability not an asset in your life.

[BenRaines]

Justlooking, sounds like you have had some roommates in the past. :)

[Fiannan]

Uh, you are 50-something and still living at home and dealing with issues with your mom?

Is your name NORMAN?

[Guest popahe]

Originally posted by Jason@Dec 7 2005, 10:54 PM

I don't think "mary" is a real poster.  Me thinks this is a Spam post by a fellow board member. 

←

Just wondering what makes you think this is spam?

Mary

[Justlooking]

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 8 2005, 06:44 PM

Justlooking, sounds like you have had some roommates in the past. :)

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LOL No, I have never had a roommate, but have heard so many horror stories from friends. I do have a brother tho, so I kinda have an idea of what to expect, like for example, finding wiskers in spit out toothpaste in the sink.