kreative1 Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 Hi, I was baptized on January 16, 2010. It has been a rough time since then. I grew up Christian and I was baptized when I was 10. I never felt any difference after; if anything, I got worse. So I just went to church ever since and stayed to myself. I do believe in Christ and the Lord, but I was scared of being baptized again. It took me a while to set a baptism date once I started attending LDS church. I was scared that my life would become soooo difficult for me to bear. But I made the decision and did become baptized. I went to regional conference end of January and my life has been horrible since then. Long-story short, I was attacked by the devil with things in my life that shouldn't matter. I wanted to do things to myself that NEVER crossed my mind before. I felt scared because of the thoughts I was having, so the only thing I knew to do, was called up a psychologist. I know how dangerous it can be to keep things like that to myself, so i sought out professional help. Some may say, oh talk to your bishop or someone at church, but please, it is easier said than done. I am a convert with no Mormon family members, no Mormon friends...it's just me alone. I am seeking this salvation alone and even when I told my therapist about my recent conversion, she said I found peace in LDS and that's a good thing. However, in my opinion, it has made my life harder. I started going to Institute, stopped because I felt out of place...started again and I am having the same loneliness. I go, sit in the back, listen and leave. I do find some peace there, but I often leave crying. Same thing on Sundays, I can't wait to go, but once I am there, I want to leave. I leave at the end of RS and I just feel...alone. Because really...that's what it is. I read the scriptures and I have so many questions! But I can only read and wait to find the answer. I do not know anyone in the church, I don't go to activities, because the same way I am outcasted at church, I feel it will be the same. See, I am not like most of the people in this YSA branch...I am a convert, I have tattoos, I don't know how to bear testimony, I did not obey the law of chastity...I am just unpure. I am starting to feel like...I made this decision for the wrong reasons. I do believe in the gospel and it's principles, but it is hard to understand and hard to do this alone. I just feel like people (Mormons) will never understand or even care... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepless3977 Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 hey Kreative.... hit me up for a chat. i need your chat just as much as you may need mine at the moment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 · Hidden Hidden To feel good, especially in church we need the Spirit. Years ago I had some trouble with immorality and the Spirit left me and I felt just as you do. I had to repent before I could enjoy life in the church again. It wasn't easy, it took all my effort to get back on track, but I did it. A good idea would be to ask for a blessing from your home teachers. Link to comment
kreative1 Posted March 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 Um...what would I be repenting to make myself "feel good"??? I only met one of my home teachers the day I got baptized and he never called to set anything up...so...that's a lost cause Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 Oops read it wrong sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 It's hard to get hometeachers here too. You can ask the Bishop to help you out with a blessing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 Hi,I was baptized on January 16, 2010. It has been a rough time since then. I grew up Christian and I was baptized when I was 10. I never felt any difference after; if anything, I got worse. So I just went to church ever since and stayed to myself. I do believe in Christ and the Lord, but I was scared of being baptized again. It took me a while to set a baptism date once I started attending LDS church. I was scared that my life would become soooo difficult for me to bear. But I made the decision and did become baptized. I went to regional conference end of January and my life has been horrible since then. Long-story short, I was attacked by the devil with things in my life that shouldn't matter. I wanted to do things to myself that NEVER crossed my mind before. I felt scared because of the thoughts I was having, so the only thing I knew to do, was called up a psychologist. I know how dangerous it can be to keep things like that to myself, so i sought out professional help. Some may say, oh talk to your bishop or someone at church, but please, it is easier said than done. I am a convert with no Mormon family members, no Mormon friends...it's just me alone. I am seeking this salvation alone and even when I told my therapist about my recent conversion, she said I found peace in LDS and that's a good thing. However, in my opinion, it has made my life harder. I started going to Institute, stopped because I felt out of place...started again and I am having the same loneliness. I go, sit in the back, listen and leave. I do find some peace there, but I often leave crying. Same thing on Sundays, I can't wait to go, but once I am there, I want to leave. I leave at the end of RS and I just feel...alone. Because really...that's what it is. I read the scriptures and I have so many questions! But I can only read and wait to find the answer. I do not know anyone in the church, I don't go to activities, because the same way I am outcasted at church, I feel it will be the same. See, I am not like most of the people in this YSA branch...I am a convert, I have tattoos, I don't know how to bear testimony, I did not obey the law of chastity...I am just unpure. I am starting to feel like...I made this decision for the wrong reasons. I do believe in the gospel and it's principles, but it is hard to understand and hard to do this alone. I just feel like people (Mormons) will never understand or even care... I would love to be your home teacher and would love to have a convert like you in my ward and home. You belong here with the Saints. Lets us help. If I can help or answer any questions – please ask. Thank you for your post and I hope to read more from you. The Traveler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferretrunner Posted March 8, 2010 Report Share Posted March 8, 2010 K reative, I understand how you feel. I have a tattoo, am an older single, not what you'd call "Molly Mormon," serve in the military, am a convert, often feel out of place at RS. I think where some of your struggle lies is in reaching out. Try talking to one person at insitute and/or RS. Sometimes ppl don't think to say hi but will respond to someone else. Don't sweat not knowing everything- this is a learning/ growing process. You'll learn more about the CHurch by watching, asking questions, participating. People do care- they just may not know you need an extended hand. Hang in there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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