Enthusiasm, Patience and Longsuffering

[Guest mormonmusic]

I have a question -- when I read advice threads, or people coping with personal problems, I often hear as the solution to the problem as "be patient, forgiving, longsuffering"...etc.

For me, this leads to perseonal burn out eventually. The lack of results being achieved becomes hard to manage, and I often start wondering if I should be investing my time in other things that bear more fruit. Or, to find a new situation where I don't have to be exposed to the constant trying and rarely achieving.

For example, as a priesthood leader, I was accountable for a lot of results, or helping others improve and repent, but often, you'd get a brief surge of progress and then everyone falls back into their previous behavior. Or you give advice and it gets ignored -- repeatedly. Our Bishop mentinoed that Church leadership is "a lot of work that doesn't pan out to anything, with flashes of success".

So, if we accept that life is like this, and particularly, service in the Church, how does one maintain enthusiasm and positivity when you feel like you're ever-trying but rarely achieving the results you're seeking? What doctrine or scriptures or other solid philosophies apply to help you persist in these kinds of activities for long periods of time, without getting discouraged?

I know there are people in the helping professions here -- like Rameumpton who said he is a counsellor, I believe. Prisonchaplain is a chaplain at a prison, and must give advice and try to help inmates change their ways, and see lots of people who ignore advice, or persist in their old ways indefinitley -- I'd be interested in hearing what you both have to say, as well as anyone else whose experienced this and has developed coping mechanisms/attitude conditioners, and approaches that keep their enthusiasm high, in spite of the setbacks and perceived lack of results.

Edited April 8, 2010 by mormonmusic

[marts1]

2 Nephi 31:19-20..

19 And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

You will find that most do not understand how we are meant to feast on the scriptures. The most common excuse is I don't have the time, or I do not believe I need to do this, I get enough at church. I myself used to think a chapter a day was enough along with Sunday School and Priesthood Quorum lessons. I did this for 7 years and then went inactive because of lack of the Spirit.

Presently I have now looked forward to Sunday for the last 5 years becuase it is so wonderful to me now. The only difference is I spend more time then just a chapter a day.

[JudoMinja]

One thing that helps me is recognizing what you do and do not have control over.

Patience comes in when there is a problem in need of fixing and its not getting fixed (hoping this is a vague enough statement to cover just about every situation). So, when faced with such a problem, think about it like this-

Is said problem something you have control over, something you have the ability to change/fix? Then do so! No patience necessary.

Is said problem something you WOULD have control over, but extenuating circumstances are getting in the way? Then formulate a plan that will see your problem fixed either despite the circumstances or once those circumstances are no longer hindering your ability.

Is said problem something over which you just have no control? Then don't worry about it.

That last bit, for many, is the hardest, but really it is your choice whether or not you worry about something. You don't need to waste your time and energy worrying over something you can't control. So don't.

When I approach everything like this, it is much easier to be patient and maintain a positive attitude.

[Misshalfway]

So, if we accept that life is like this, and particularly, service in the Church, how does one maintain enthusiasm and positivity when you feel like you're ever-trying but rarely achieving the results you're seeking? What doctrine or scriptures or other solid philosophies apply to help you persist in these kinds of activities for long periods of time, without getting discouraged?

.

Well, I think it has something to do with not needing to control outcomes and then how you measure success. I mean, is it about your own personal success as a "helper"? Do you need to see people change/improve so that you know you are doing well?

And with regards to controlling outcomes, I think its about keeping our hands off the stuff that isn't ours to know about or to measure and we give all of it to God. It's really rather liberating I think. It's an awfully heavy thing to take responsibility for things that aren't ours in the first place.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Miss Halfway: I think it has something to do with not needing to control outcomes and then how you measure success. I mean, is it about your own personal success as a "helper"? Do you need to see people change/improve so that you know you are doing well?

There's a certain type of personality that has a high need for achievement -- a need that's been studied over and over again by psychologists. I wonder if people with this high need find it particularly frustrating to put up with intense effort that provides only minimal results.

Unfortunately, in the Church we're expected to put our hands on the stuff that isn't ours. We're helping Heavenly Father "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man", and that means encouraging and hoping others will change their habits, serve the Lord more intensely etcetera.

If you're a priesthood leader in the Church, there's always an expectation that you'll improve the number number of endowed members with temple recommends, number of people who join the church etcetera, and if your numbers are unusually, low, there's a conversation about it -- in varying degrees of nice-itude.

Now, if I have a choice -- definitely, I agree Miss Halfway, don't change those things that aren't yours. I used to try to coordinate initiatives with my peers to improve the Ward (a joint effort with EQ or the youth) but quickly learned that was off-limits. In those cases, definitely, stay away.

But unfortunately, in the Church if you're even a home or visiting teacher, you're faced with the challenge of getting people to do things, and it can be frustrating when nothing happens. The story that I find most difficult to manage is the one that goes like this:

"Their hometeacher taught them for 20 years and they are still less-active".

One possible solution -- low expectations. On Saturday Night Live there was a skit where they put forward the theory that the secret to happiness is having low expectations. All of a sudden, your less-than-attractive girlfriend/boyfriend looks good, your less-than-stellar job looks good, your less-than satisfactory house looks good, etcetera....but I never found having low expectations to be satisfactory...

[Elgama]

the serenity prayer comes to mind

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Ultimately noone else matters, just taking life one moment at a time and not looking back.

Think of Lots wife she became a pillar of salt because she was more concerned about someone elses discomfort than for herself and her family

[Guest mormonmusic]

Well, I think my best approach to this problem is to avoid those situatons where I have to 'suck air' for long periods of time....there's too much to achieve in other areas of one's life to waste time on projects that have a bad ratio of effort to results achieved.....