Homeschooling special needs and feeling the pressure

[Tamiele]

My boy is 10. I have been homeschooling him since Grade 1. He has a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder. I tried him in Kindergarten but by the end of the school year, the writing was on the wall and I knew I had to homeschool. He wasn't severe enough to get an aide or extra help so I knew they would just pass him along and he would fall through the cracks.

Well we have been hard at it, doing curriculum and neurological therapy. We work all day long - mostly because he is very inefficient with his time and can take a small job and make it take forever. I have resigned myself to the fact that this is also part of learning, to understand time - how much you have, or don't have and to try and focus and finish something in that parameter. I have recently added a consequence to work that is unfinished - if it carries over to the next day it is an automatic loss of TV/Video game priviledges for that entire day. That has helped him with his motivation to complete his work.

What I am stressing about the most today - is wishing he could learn at a faster pace. He should be coming to the end of grade 5, but we are battling our way through grade 3. I am trying, through neurological therapy, to untap and open up that part of his brain that is not organizing itself properly and not doing its job. He knows ALOT of things - he loves nature and science and absorbs these topics without much effort. The reading/writing/arithmetic is difficult. I give him a lesson to work through. He can't seem to absorb the subject matter on his own. If I sit with him, I read the material and guide him through the questions - he does very well that way. Will he ever be able to learn something on his own???? It worries me how is he going to handle himself in life's situations. Am I over-reacting at this point?? Can things change or is this his lot in life??? I am likely not making much sense here - but I give into the doubts sometimes - like today. I pray continously for Heavenly Father to guide and direct me in this endeavor. He created my son, so He should know the best way to tackle the problem. I have to trust Him and just keep on doing what I am doing. Scared out of my mind today, though.

[MisterT]

It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing with your boy; good on you for caring enough to take upon yourself the education of your child instead of waiting for the government to realize that he needs extra attention.

It sounds to me like you're an excellent mother, and anyone would be proud to call you "Mom."

[Tamiele]

It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing with your boy; good on you for caring enough to take upon yourself the education of your child instead of waiting for the government to realize that he needs extra attention.

It sounds to me like you're an excellent mother, and anyone would be proud to call you "Mom."

"sniff"...thanks for the kind words. It is one of those situations that I wish I could see into the future to the outcome of all of this.

[MisterT]

The outcome is that your child will receive loving care from you in a way he could never receive from someone who was only paid to take care of his education. The outcome is that he will receive a better education, he won't be abused or neglected, and he'll have a better chance of growing up to be independant, or if not completely independant, having to rely less on others.

Children who are cared for by any governmental agency or programme always need more care and supervision than those who are cared for by their loving parents.

You're doing the right thing, and your son's life will be blessed for your efforts.

[Roseslipper]

dont be so hard on yourself. you are doing the best that you can. my best friend home schooled her daughter didnt know how long she would do it..went from kindergarden all the way to 12th grade. her daughter and learned much more then she would of if she went to school and they have a closer relationship because of this experience. I rememeber they did fun things for math like went shopping learning what u can buy for the $ u have, and how to count money and get change etc....every thing is a learning experience u can go on field trips etc. u can also join other mothers that hometeach etc. etc.

[NeuroTypical]

He should be coming to the end of grade 5

You are a good mom. If you can bring yourself to abondon such lame ideas, you'll be a great mom.

He "should" be performing to the best of his ability - whatever that ability happens to be. It doesn't matter what the other kids are doing. It doesn't matter what other people think he should be doing. You know your kid, you know what he's capable of. Your job is to help him achieve whatever level he's able to achieve.

LM

(I think you already know all this - just hoping that hearing it from someone else might help...)

[MisterT]

Are you looking to adopt, Tamiele? I know of a frightened young boy of only 34 who could use a good home with a loving mother... :)

[Elgama]

try taking the pressure off completely for a time and see what happens - I have dyspraxia (I think sensory processing disorder is along similar lines), my writing got quicker and neater and my Maths became good when I was allowed to work at my own pace, I got to college and all of a sudden it didn't matter how long my work took it was upto me to organise it, I could take time I needed. How is he when he does the work verbally? Why not do the maths as it relates to nature

We mostly unschool so its different

[Tamiele]

try taking the pressure off completely for a time and see what happens - I have dyspraxia (I think sensory processing disorder is along similar lines), my writing got quicker and neater and my Maths became good when I was allowed to work at my own pace, I got to college and all of a sudden it didn't matter how long my work took it was upto me to organise it, I could take time I needed. How is he when he does the work verbally? Why not do the maths as it relates to nature

We mostly unschool so its different

At what age did you go to college? I guess I worry that he will fall so far behind that he will feel like it is impossible to catch up. He should be able to work at this pace, and I am slowly adapting to that mindset. It was a hard one for me, to stop looking around at other people and to keep wanting the same timeline for him. That is why I could not unschool - it is too much of a departure from my own insecurities - I need structure and to see something being accomplished.

When I sit with him and read his lessons to him - he understands soo much better than if he reads it himself. Like I put the proper emphasis in my voice as I read along and he loves having me with him. Did that work for you? Thanks for your reply and input.

[Tamiele]

You are a good mom. If you can bring yourself to abondon such lame ideas, you'll be a great mom.

He "should" be performing to the best of his ability - whatever that ability happens to be. It doesn't matter what the other kids are doing. It doesn't matter what other people think he should be doing. You know your kid, you know what he's capable of. Your job is to help him achieve whatever level he's able to achieve.

LM

(I think you already know all this - just hoping that hearing it from someone else might help...)

You hit the nail on the head here. Always comparing him to others. I have been guilty of that my entire life....and then God gives me this child that will definitely thrust me out of my comfort zone. :)

[Guest Alana]

Finding 5th graders who read at a 3rd grade level in public school isn't that uncommon. Stop worrying about where he 'should' be and focus on where he is and what you, as his mom, know to be the best thing for him. There is a reason you're homeschooling. The challenges you're facing now are part of that reason. Just stick with it because you sound like an involved, loving, wonderful mother.

The idea that kids fall through the cracks at school is true, and he's probably way ahead of where he would have been if was still in regular school.

Do you think a change in environment might be helpful? Have you considered charter home schools? When I teach my son at home (he still goes to public school) he has a hard time learning but an easy time showing me what he does know, while it's the opposite at school. It seems these different environments and different ways of encouraging bring out different paths of his learning. Maybe changing things up at home can have a similar effect?

[Guest]

Tamiele, have you tried the Montessori way of teaching? He sounds like the PERFECT Montessori student! If you haven't yet, search for some Montessori schools near you - it needs to be a good, reputable one, where all the main teachers (assistants don't need to be) are Montessori certified - not just the administrator.

Or if you want to do it on your own, there are TONS of resources on the internet on how to teach Montessori-style and even get certified.

In any case, your challenge is not really as unique as you may think. My son, for example, is a perfectly normal boy - or so it seems. He is super smart - maybe even borderline genius. He learned his times table up to 10x10 when he was in 1st grade. Gave me the 10th number of the fibonacci sequence in under 5 minutes in about the same age. Reads tons of books - he's in 3rd grade and reading Percy Jackson series now. He's been through all his encyclopedias and retains most of the information in it. Really smart kid. But, in Florida, they have this FCAT testing that starts in 3rd grade (has to pass it to go to the next grade level). And on his math practice sheet he was given 60 multiplication questions that he needs to answer in 3 minutes - something he knows really well. He only answered TWELVE out of the 60. I was crushed. Come to find out, he has a hard time focusing on a lot of questions on a piece of paper. After the 5th one, he gets bored and "spaces out". Yeah, it took me a loooonnnggg time to figure out how to "train" him to focus just so he can pass that idiot test! It's not going to change him - he will still get bored after the 5th question, but at least he can "muscle his way through it" when it is REALLY necessary.

So yeah, it happens to normal kids too - but probably not as bad as what you're going through.

You're doing a great job with him. He will never learn the way "regular" kids learn. But it doesn't mean he is not smart. He just has a different way of learning. So, he might not be a model college student or anything like that. But, I am very sure he has skills that he can use to the most advantage that "regular" kids don't have. He might be the next Steve Irwin, you never know!

[Elgama]

At what age did you go to college? I guess I worry that he will fall so far behind that he will feel like it is impossible to catch up. He should be able to work at this pace, and I am slowly adapting to that mindset. It was a hard one for me, to stop looking around at other people and to keep wanting the same timeline for him. That is why I could not unschool - it is too much of a departure from my own insecurities - I need structure and to see something being accomplished.

When I sit with him and read his lessons to him - he understands soo much better than if he reads it himself. Like I put the proper emphasis in my voice as I read along and he loves having me with him. Did that work for you? Thanks for your reply and input.

I was 18 but I am in the UK - does it matter if he doesn't go to college/school or university? -many of the worlds most successful people didn't. Reading was never an issue with me I can do it for myself but I do find I take things in better with audio tapes or even TV, than in a book. Learning to take notes is important as it helps him remember. Have you read much about President Heber J Grant - I am fairly sure from the reading he had Dyspraxia, or something similar and he is my inspiration, everything he did, he did of his own bat with a lot of hardwork and would go from struggling to the very best. You already know your son is not inside the box learning wise your gut has told you that since he started preschool:) I personally feel if you think outside the box yourself when teaching him you and he will be much happier and he will learn more.

Just because he is slower doesn't mean he is unintelligent, because my writing was slow I was always the kid left behind to finish, but my intelligence allowed me to run rings round some of the top Professors at university. I can work out the speed of a black hole etc I can't play tennis well but its fun, my writing is incredibly neat.

Don't take this the wrong way its not meant nastily but Dyspraxia and similar conditions have a very specific mindset, you comparing and what sounds like disappointment in him will be the very thing that holds him back that pressure will be what stops him because he is doing it for you, and he needs to do it for him, you are a good Mom and doing your best, but if he is to allowed to find out how his condition works for him then it will become an advantage. I was very lucky my Mum taught me how to learn for myself rather than how to be taught, which means school was a waste of time academically. Maybe spend some time looking at different schooling methods and go more with his interests. I know its frustrating my daughter doesn't do things to my timetable either, but have discovered boring her into learning works very well lol I never intended to unschool entirely but I stopped any formal learning about 6 months ago and she had come on in leaps and bounds since. Her reading has come on when I have said ooh thats interesting lets look that up in a book, or ooh lets write a list to do our baking (your son is older but appealing to his interests, he can read, write and do arithmetic whilst learning about them - if he likes science he can learn equations that way)

There is a brilliant book How to Talk So Your Kids Will Learn by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Can he meditate>? I find learning to relax my mind and focus it through breathing is the best thing. Also might be worth reading up on Feldenkrais Method or Alexander Technique, there was a quote on my Facebook account yesterday which I think is wonderful an anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body. Other book I love is Racing Alone by Nader Khalili its about a top architect who designed skyscrapers who dropped it all to work on environmentally friendly buildings in the Mojave Desert, there is a lovely story about his son Dastan who was racing older children in the park he kept coming last and was getting disheatened, in the end he said Daddy I want to race alone, so his Dad counted him off and he was a lot longer this time but came back with leaves and feathers he had collected and a great smile on his face:)

[Guest]

I was 18 but I am in the UK - does it matter if he doesn't go to college/school or university? -many of the worlds most successful people didn't. Reading was never an issue with me I can do it for myself but I do find I take things in better with audio tapes or even TV, than in a book. Learning to take notes is important as it helps him remember. Have you read much about President Heber J Grant - I am fairly sure from the reading he had Dyspraxia, or something similar and he is my inspiration, everything he did, he did of his own bat with a lot of hardwork and would go from struggling to the very best. You already know your son is not inside the box learning wise your gut has told you that since he started preschool:) I personally feel if you think outside the box yourself when teaching him you and he will be much happier and he will learn more.

Just because he is slower doesn't mean he is unintelligent, because my writing was slow I was always the kid left behind to finish, but my intelligence allowed me to run rings round some of the top Professors at university. I can work out the speed of a black hole etc I can't play tennis well but its fun, my writing is incredibly neat.

Don't take this the wrong way its not meant nastily but Dyspraxia and similar conditions have a very specific mindset, you comparing and what sounds like disappointment in him will be the very thing that holds him back that pressure will be what stops him because he is doing it for you, and he needs to do it for him, you are a good Mom and doing your best, but if he is to allowed to find out how his condition works for him then it will become an advantage. I was very lucky my Mum taught me how to learn for myself rather than how to be taught, which means school was a waste of time academically. Maybe spend some time looking at different schooling methods and go more with his interests. I know its frustrating my daughter doesn't do things to my timetable either, but have discovered boring her into learning works very well lol I never intended to unschool entirely but I stopped any formal learning about 6 months ago and she had come on in leaps and bounds since. Her reading has come on when I have said ooh thats interesting lets look that up in a book, or ooh lets write a list to do our baking (your son is older but appealing to his interests, he can read, write and do arithmetic whilst learning about them - if he likes science he can learn equations that way)

There is a brilliant book How to Talk So Your Kids Will Learn by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Can he meditate>? I find learning to relax my mind and focus it through breathing is the best thing. Also might be worth reading up on Feldenkrais Method or Alexander Technique, there was a quote on my Facebook account yesterday which I think is wonderful an anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body. Other book I love is Racing Alone by Nader Khalili its about a top architect who designed skyscrapers who dropped it all to work on environmentally friendly buildings in the Mojave Desert, there is a lovely story about his son Dastan who was racing older children in the park he kept coming last and was getting disheatened, in the end he said Daddy I want to race alone, so his Dad counted him off and he was a lot longer this time but came back with leaves and feathers he had collected and a great smile on his face:)

Tamiele, what Elgama said above is exactly what Montessori is about. It trains the child to figure out how he can learn a subject himself instead of relying on how a teacher teaches the subject to him. It is a much better way of learning - especially for those with a unique learning ability.

My younger son attended Montessori. He has no special learning challenges but he happens to be born in the middle of September. School cut-off is Sept 1, so he was supposed to wait one whole year before he can go to kindergarten. Then he would be too old! So, I sent him to the Montessori for Pre-K at the start of term (last week of August), and by December he was acing Kindergarten. That's the good thing about Montessori - just because you are enrolled in Pre-K doesn't mean you get to stay in Pre-K. In your son's case, if he was good in science but weak in math, he could be taking 6th grade science and 3rd grade math. He moves on when he is ready to move on, not before, not a long time after.