Not enjoying the relief society

[kookiethekat]

Hi all

Firstly a little introduction for those that didn;t see the first one. My name is Jo and I am from Nottingham. I have only recently started attending the LDS church (3 weeks), my husband is a baptised member of the church but left before gaining the priesthood which he will be receiving on the 30th May (and baptising me and my daughter on the 5th June)

Anyway, I am 31 years old and am really struggling with the relief society, I am the youngest member of the group by far they are all 50+ and the 1 hour is very subdued and boring for want of a better word, I hear the men next door and it sounds like they are having so much fun, enjoying their teachings rather than sitting in silence listening for an hour.

The lessons being taught are brilliant and very valuable to me as a new member, I do put EVERTHING into it but it is just so difficult when the other members (and the teachers) do not seem to have their heart in it.

I enjoy the first two hours so much and have found myself looking forward to going to service but dreading the last hour.

I have spoken to my missionaries about this and they say that the reason I am there is to inject some new life into the group.

I just don't know what to do, most of these women were born into the church and they seem very "standoffish"towards me as a newcomer, I have tried talking to them but they just don't seem interested in talking to me.

Any advice from anyone would be a great help

[kookiethekat]

Hi all

Firstly a little introduction for those that didn;t see the first one. My name is Jo and I am from Nottingham. I have only recently started attending the LDS church (3 weeks), my husband is a baptised member of the church but left before gaining the priesthood which he will be receiving on the 30th May (and baptising me and my daughter on the 5th June)

Anyway, I am 31 years old and am really struggling with the relief society, I am the youngest member of the group by far they are all 50+ and the 1 hour is very subdued and boring for want of a better word, I hear the men next door and it sounds like they are having so much fun, enjoying their teachings rather than sitting in silence listening for an hour.

The lessons being taught are brilliant and very valuable to me as a new member, I do put EVERTHING into it but it is just so difficult when the other members (and the teachers) do not seem to have their heart in it.

I enjoy the first two hours so much and have found myself looking forward to going to service but dreading the last hour.

I have spoken to my missionaries about this and they say that the reason I am there is to inject some new life into the group.

I just don't know what to do, most of these women were born into the church and they seem very "standoffish"towards me as a newcomer, I have tried talking to them but they just don't seem interested in talking to me.

Any advice from anyone would be a great help

[pam]

Get involved. Volunteer to assist with meals to other sisters when needed. Once you are baptized ask about being a visiting teacher. It's a great way to get to know other sisters in the ward on a more personal level.

Right now they don't know you. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone and make the effort yourself.

[not_ashamed]

Hi Jo, congrats on the baptism date first off. As for relief society, it can be a bit boring at times to those of us that are younger. Are the younger women in your ward serving in primary or do you just not have many other women your age in the ward?

[Jenamarie]

Keep trying to reach out. Also, try participating in the lessons. Read the lesson before class starts and have some questions ready to ask. I've noticed that church classes are only boring if their's no audience participation. Asking questions can help spark interaction between the teacher and a student, and between students. It's a great way to break the ice and liven things up. :)

[eternalpromise516]

this is also something i've been dealing with as a young sister (20). although i'm not in the RS meeting since i serve in primary, i do take part in it through other means like visiting teaching, fellowshipping with other sisters, asking questions, offering service, etc. just like others who are actually there for the lesson.

i definitely second asking questions and reading the lesson ahead of time. continue putting yourself out there and trying to get to know them. attend any meetings/activities that you can outside of sunday meetings. some of the women in my ward were also a bit standoffish, but since i made the effort and continue to reach out, they have gotten to know me better and are indeed like my sisters. one thing that has become popular with some women in my ward, or at least with the slightly younger ones, is to have one night a month where anyone who is available/interested meets up for lunch/dinner and a movie. it sort of helps us do visiting teaching, but is mainly just to let us have girl time so-to-speak outside of church and enjoy each other's company.

and congrats on the baptism!!! i was baptized 20 June 2009, so i'm very biased towards june i'm so excited for you!!

[Guest mirancs8]

I can relate to how you are feeling. I am a new member and the RS bugged me to no end at the beginning. But as I got more involved in their activities and such I started to warm up to all of it. Ow and yes we've got those stuffy people too and I just sit right next to them and make small talk until the warm up to me. Under it all they are VERY sweet and nice they just come off like... for a lack of better words I'm not allowed to use, they are just stuffy. Most of these women who I thought were stuffy are terrific and they even stop over frequently to my house.

You will notice over time that you will start to enjoy the RS and yes there is a lot you can do to make it more "fun". It takes some new bodies to change things and add a little spark under their rears. Over time you can make some great contributions to the RS. Hang in there, be friendly, and constantly remind them that you are happy to volunteer/help out in any way. Unfortunately it might be up to you to make friends with folks in the RS. Like you said some are born into it and I do notice they are a bit different then the converts.

It get's better trust me. But you have to do your part. I have made so many friends just being friendly and welcoming it's been wonderful. It took some time but it was all worth it.

[pam]

Sometimes they are just as uncomfortable initiating something as you are.

[rameumptom]

And if the above advice doesn't work, you can always use the hour to do some personal study of the scriptures. Make it your personal time to lift yourself, even while sitting in class. Attend the class, in the remote instance they actually say/do something of value for you. But have your scriptures ready to study and enrich yourself, even if they do not.

[kookiethekat]

And if the above advice doesn't work, you can always use the hour to do some personal study of the scriptures. Make it your personal time to lift yourself, even while sitting in class. Attend the class, in the remote instance they actually say/do something of value for you. But have your scriptures ready to study and enrich yourself, even if they do not.

You know this may sound stupid but I never thought of that. I will do that I think, hole up at the back of the room and read, thank you

[kookiethekat]

I will continue to keep trying to make friends with these ladies, I know that we will be "working" together for a long time to come and I would hate to think that I won't make any friends.

All the men at church are just so friendly, it's just the women that seem "stuffy" as someone else said

[mrsducky]

Try taking an interest in what they think they know--ask about their experiences in the church and show a genuine interest in their take on Relief Society. If you can stand it ask for advice. You make see them warm up to you.

[Guest]

I felt the same when I started going to church! I went to church with my husband for 3 years before I joined. He went with me to my church at the same time. I refused to go to RS, so we would go home after Sunday School or sometimes I would just go back to my church next-door (just across the parking lot) and practice with the choir while he's in EQ.

RS was like a wall to me - a wall that glaringly said - "you do not belong here". Most of the women there are stay at home mom's caring for tons of children or old women whose children are now ward leaders. I was this career woman who wore suit pants to church without a single child at age 30.

After I got baptized, I vowed to sit in RS. Didn't like it much for the first week. Then I got called to teach RS once a month starting a few weeks later. Yeah, I'm trying to teach these women about some Conference Talk when I can't even remember the name of one apostle outside of the first presidency and I can't even stop myself from saying Mass instead of Sacrament Meeting...

But, I found out that if I'm just myself - blunders and all - they're pretty patient with my bumbling lessons and I got to know their names and what they do and found some people who liked the same things I do. I go to all RS and ward activities to just get involved. When we went to the temple to get sealed a year later, so many people from our ward went (2 hours away). It was cool.

I still feel that I do not really "belong" in RS 9 years later but it's not RS, it's me. I'm just not the homey type and most RS activities and such are centered on homey stuff.