Martial Art/Story help

[Elgama]

I have no martial arts experience (well Judo for a few years). This is for my novel, its not my best piece of work. I have made up something called the Iron Falcon which is a martial art that comes out of meditation called Soaring Peace. Angus my character is watching unaware he Monks are preparing for the battle of the century in a few hours. Please forgive shoddy English and tense its a first draft

Is that a grin he is trying not to show. He leads me out of the room. The courtyard is transformed, it is full of monks, some with a variety of weapons. They are wearing a thigh length long sleeve black tunic and black trousers, their soft black boots tied to their feet. The clothing increases the visual fluidity of their movement. This must be Kui-hui, it is easy to see why the Soaring Warriors were so feared. They seem to spend ages in the air, split themselves in two, and just move so fast. Some have weapons and some are just fighting bare handed. I realise how much our country has lost.

The Abbot spots me, and claps his hands. I try not to look like a complete wally when everyone stops and kneels in a bow before me. All except the Abbot who walks towards me. 'Angus please forgive my not showing obeisance. Traditionally the King and the Abbot were partners in Covesea Island society. I am not required by convention to bow before you.'

'Suits me fine Abbot, I am not struck on this whole bowing lark. I am just a man, accident of birth and circumstances has placed me in this position.'

'You sound like Jimmu and King Abraham, they fully believed the King was the greatest servant on Covesea Island.'

'Abbot may I see your men fighting again I am fascinated.'

The Abbot raises his arms, 'Sub-Prior Bai and Master of Arms Chao, CHU BIAO XIAN .'

No further instruction is needed, silently the monks fall out, kneeling round the edge of the courtyard, leaving two monks in the centre. They bow, then the battle begins. Chao lunges back as Bai performs a whirlwind kick that propels him off the ground over Chao's head, I expect him to crash into Chao, but Chao disappears, reappearing behind him as Bai fluidly drops to the floor, rolling into a standing position. It is Chao's turn to leave the ground, he just leaps up as he does Bai grabs his leg bringing him back to the ground.

'BROTHERS!' The Abbot shouts throwing each of them a staff, they catch them without breaking the fight, Bai catches his in one hand mid-flight. Chao lunges at Bai, who leans back in a diagonal direction, Bai then splits in two, leaving a shadow of himself behind which Chao slices into. Chao aims a kick at Bai, who ducks under Chao's leg, how did he get the staff to go with him. He flies through the air, landing behind Chao and knocking him to the floor. Chao gains control of the fall but Bai is too fast for him, he pins him firmly to the ground, bringing a tie out of nowhere. He firmly binds Chao.

the Abbot shouts, 'ZHONG CHAUN'

Bai, unbinds Chao, and helps him to his feet. They bow to each other then turn and kneel before the Abbot. The Abbot speaks, 'Well done, Sub Prior Bai. Master of Arms Chao, letting your guard down will get you killed in battle. You will report to me later for a suitable consequence.'

Even I feel uneasy so great is the Abbot's displeasure aimed at poor Chao.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Elgama

[PrinceofLight2000]

If you can visualize the moves you want to use, just incorporate the visualization into descriptive writing. You don't have to name martial arts and expect your readers to understand the finer points of the techniques unless that's what you're aiming at for your reading audience.

I'm doing the same thing with my novel, here's a small excerpt of a technique I used descriptive language with to give the reader an idea of what the move should look like. It's only half-finished though, haha.

Ivan curved a high snap kick under his arm, popping his shoulder free of its joint. He slammed his heel into the drunk’s cheek and carried the blow downward, smashing his head into the floorboards.

Edited August 11, 2010 by PrinceofLight2000

[hordak]

Please forgive shoddy English and tense its a first draft

Location: United Kingdom

Why do the English (though i thought you are a Scott?) have such a bad grasp of their native/namesake language?

[Elgama]

Location: United Kingdom

Why do the English (though i thought you are a Scott?) have such a bad grasp of their native/namesake language?

LOL Cos English in England is made up of many different dialects and none of them punctuate the same way.

[Moksha]

Elgama, it sounds good to me. I like the name Covesea.

Just don't confuse Wushu with moo shu, since the former will not fit on those chinese tortillas.

Hope that helps.

[Elgama]

Thanks Moksha, thats what I needed to know lol. I love Covesea too but here the tiny village I got it from pronounces it Cow-see. The village is currently trying not to disappear into the sea:)

Don't know if anyone is interested but to expound a bit on the dialects, usually they come with an accent and they can vary over just a few miles. The three I know best of Scots/Scouse and Yorkshire.

This clip came to mind:)

Scots uses run away sentences with commas where fullstops should be.

Scouse doesn't use punctuation lol Maybe a fullstop at the end of the piece, as thats the first breath it takes.

Yorkshire just puts its commas and fullstops in funny places.

I am odd in that my accent is RP (kinda like the Queen) but the dialect is a mix of those three, plus I have some minor dyslexia going on lol Trying to work out punctuation is not something that I do naturally.

Edited August 11, 2010 by Elgama