I Could Really Use Some Help

[DefinateMaybe07]

I found out a month ago that my sister was cutting. Sometimes she still does. I dont know how to help her to stop, or to tell her that it is wrong because I used to cut all the time. I feel extremly hypocritical telling her to stop. I cant help her to stop because I still cut from time to time. Please look at this with an open perspective on cutting. It is a huge stress reliever, and well I cant really explain it. I had been through hell when I started. No one knew..no one really cared when I did tell them....there are just too many fake cutters out there just doing it to get attention..which I hate!! they take the attention away from the people who really need it. Back to my sis...I have no idea how to help her, we talk all the time and are really close, she is just going through too much at school, and our ward is just so ignorant to everything going on...and they arent very nice, just self-righteous and stuff...if you know what I mean. I dont feel comfortable going to the bishop, I already had to go through a buch of crap with a guy..if you know what i mean.. and my parents already know. Everyone I try to get help from just passes judgement and not help because of their take on cutting.

I have no idea what to do at all, how to help her stop, how to deal with my own problems, how to make things better with the youth in my ward....please send all the advice you have

[cdakotab]

My ex boyfriend used to cut himself but he was just attention seeking because he would show the world. Anyway I do realise there are people out there that do it as pain relief but its just silly its just trying to cover up the problems instead of solve them (I do understand because I've been there). I suggest that you try to ask your sister what the problems are that are making her cut herself and see if there are anyways of solving them, but sometimes its emotional things that cause it which you can't really solve so suggest she sees a counsellor to talk things over. I don't know if this helped but I tried

[Sugarbay]

I think that this should be referred to a psychiatrist. Unless we have one that posts on the board, I don't see how we could be of any help. THis is a serious psychotic disorder that needs professional treatment. Get out your Yellow pages and look for some help.

[StrawberryFields]

I know a lil about this problem and I agree that many times it is done to relieve emotional pain left untreated. Do your parents know that this is being done? What about a school councilor sometimes they know of resources to get help.

I also know a lil about the challenges that the youth of today are confronted with as I have two of my own. I don't know if it will help but I want to tell you that cutting is only a temporary relief. Nothing you are going through (or your sister) is worth having lifetime scars over. Almost three years ago I lost my mom suddenly to cancer. All three of my children were hurting terribly inside and all three did something to hurt them self physically. My oldest son, now married, put his hand through my wall, my second son burnt his bicep with a lighter, and my daughter carved into her arm with a sharp object. I didn't know what to do so I had each one of my children write a letter to their grandma and we buried it with her. The self inflicting pain went away. Now we still talk about her often and we share many sweet memories about her. Today when I look at the scars on my two younger children, I think about the terrible pain they were in and how lucky we are that we were able to help them overcome that difficult time so easily.

People that hold judgment against you, when you tell them something like this, are not in touch with real life IMO.

Please tell an adult who will help your sister get the help she needs.

Two Hugs...one for you and one for your sister.

[Lindy]

You care about your sister enough to want to help her.... how about going to counseling with her? Everyone needs a support, and you may find some way to help her and yourself find other ways to deal with things.

[jisa]

I found out a month ago that my sister was cutting. Sometimes she still does. I dont know how to help her to stop, or to tell her that it is wrong because I used to cut all the time. I feel extremly hypocritical telling her to stop. I cant help her to stop because I still cut from time to time. Please look at this with an open perspective on cutting. It is a huge stress reliever, and well I cant really explain it. I had been through hell when I started. No one knew..no one really cared when I did tell them....there are just too many fake cutters out there just doing it to get attention..which I hate!! they take the attention away from the people who really need it. Back to my sis...I have no idea how to help her, we talk all the time and are really close, she is just going through too much at school, and our ward is just so ignorant to everything going on...and they arent very nice, just self-righteous and stuff...if you know what I mean. I dont feel comfortable going to the bishop, I already had to go through a buch of crap with a guy..if you know what i mean.. and my parents already know. Everyone I try to get help from just passes judgement and not help because of their take on cutting.

I have no idea what to do at all, how to help her stop, how to deal with my own problems, how to make things better with the youth in my ward....please send all the advice you have

Life can get so out of hand and frustrated, you just don't know what to do. You can sit and eat all day, watch a soap, stay on the computer all night (my flaw, got pasted the eating thing). And then you feel unworthy to pray for help. I still have a hard time praying and to humble myself to do it. But I think that that might help you be at more ease.

Another thing that you might want to try is to write in a Journal etc. and write down how you feel and what is going on in your life along with your sisters. When you are done and shut the journal closed, you will probably feel a big relief. It has worked for me.

I hope all goes well and thanks for asking for help. That is what friends are for.

Take care hun.

Jeanette

[8cow]

I've had several friends who have cut, or tried to commit suicide. I'm asking you for help now~ What can I do to let my friends know that I love them and whenever they hurt themselves they hurt me? I can't stand how they come to school crying because they couldn't cut deep enough to kill, or they passed out before they managed to suffocate themselves completely. It hurts. I can't tell now if they really want to or if they just want attention. At first they wanted to. But I can't let them continue.

As for you and your sister- God loves you- Jesus went through all the pain you are going through, why would you put yourself in more pain- its just more that he has to have bore.

I love you- I don't know you, but you are children of God- so many people care about you- stop for them- ask for help for them- do it for yourself and for God and for all the others that care for you.

I wish you luck and hope you find your answer.

[DefinateMaybe07]

I've had several friends who have cut, or tried to commit suicide. I'm asking you for help now~ What can I do to let my friends know that I love them and whenever they hurt themselves they hurt me? I can't stand how they come to school crying because they couldn't cut deep enough to kill, or they passed out before they managed to suffocate themselves completely. It hurts. I can't tell now if they really want to or if they just want attention. At first they wanted to. But I can't let them continue.

They probably do need a ton of attention. I have never tried to kill myself, thought about it, but not seriously. Let them talk whenever they need it, for however long they need. Always check up on them, call them, talk to them any chance you get. Sometimes they may find it hard to get a conversation started when they need to talk. Any chance you get, ask them how they are doing... be willing to listen, and be genuinly interested in what they have to say....

If someone really wanted to kill themselves, they would. I dont know your friends but it is very possible they are telling you about their "attempts" because they need your attention. Dont let them continue, if they do, they will seriously hurt themselves. If you feel like this is too much of a burden, which it is, you may want to help them find professional help.

People that do these kind of things have different reasons for it, you may never truly understand why. All you can do is be there for them...hope this helps :)

[BenRaines]

Wow shows how out of touch I am. I thought they were cutting school. You know, missing classes. Never had that problem with my four children.

[8cow]

Yes, that helped so much. They do seem to find it hard to talk to me, to anyone really, at all. I can only get information from when they are crying and saying how much they hate their lives. Other than that, they seem fine- but just those few hours each week (or so)... they need help.

Thank you so much! I appreciate it tons!

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

Wow. this topic is so timely. I'm with Ben - when I first read this, I was thinking you meant cutting class. Then I was hit with sort of a bewilderment - do people really do this?

But, I'm so thankful that the topic came up and I had read your posts because my daughter knows a girl at school who cuts herself. My daughter said that pretty much all the girls in Athletics know about the other girl's problem (duh - they shower and change clothes together), but no one was doing anything, so she asked us what she could do (but of course, she didn't want anyone to know she was the one who ratted to an adult).

I called the school counselor today and he's put an alert out to all of her teachers. No one is going to pull her out of class and ask anything, but they will all be watching her, and if they catch a glimpse of any type of self-mutilation, they can pull her aside and say "I noticed . . . " and get her the help she needs. Her mother is bipolar and has been through a string of boyfriends lately. The girl lives within walking distance of our house and has come here before when she was locked out of the house or when the home atmosphere was too unhappy. I have noticed that she self-medicates with high doses of cafeine (keeps her chipper around other people at school, but I bet the crashes are hell). I have told her that she is welcome at our house whenever she needs a break from home (the stressfulness of her home life was already known to me, but I just found out about the cutting this morning). She seems like a pretty nice kid, but her Mom is obviously too caught up in her own problems to be much of a parent and I've read that bipolar tendancies run in families (though if that's heredity or poor parenting contributing to the next generation's problems, I don't know).

Anyway, I thought I'd chime in on this topic since it now affects someone we know. Let us know how things play out for you and your sister. You can always come online and pour out your heart whenever you need to.

[Acez]

sheaks...i want someone in New Zealand that i can talk to

[DefinateMaybe07]

Thank you so much for all or your advice and for how much you seem to care even though you don't really know me

SO, my sis and I are getting help. We have a special counselor who we can go to any time we need to during school. I think the hardest part of this whole situation is the fact that there are so many "fake cutters" out there doing it just to get attention...so many other teens just dismiss any rumors they may hear. Which is sad because the kids that really need help have the attention drawn away from them. My sister and I arent crazy or bad kids, just ones that have had to go through tough experiences in a small amount of time...and things just seem to keep happening. O well... I hope we come trough all of this stronger.

Thanks again!! :)

[Morgan17]

a quick slap over the head usually sorts out problems i have with people

[8cow]

a quick slap over the head usually sorts out problems i have with people

*facepalm*

[8cow]

I would like to bring up another subject. The choking game. I found out today that one of my good friends died last night playing it. He was alone- his friends that were going to do it all couldn't. This game has hurt so many people. I never would have suspected Joe of doing it. He was always so happy and energetic. He was LDS and we had so much fun at stake dances and playing basketball at lunch. Its so weird thinking that he'll never be there agian, even though he was fine on Friday. I'll never have to watch out for him jumping up to get the ball. (he was only about 4feet but he stole the ball multiple times from my friend who's 5' 10"..) Don't play the game. It hurts too bad.

[glindakc]

i used to cut, and so i know and understand what you're talking about. first of all... thank you. thank you for being such an understanding sibling. thank you for wanting her to get better. thank you for trying to help. i guarantee you, this will help her a lot.

most of what helped me to get over cutting is learning how to get the pain out with ways which are not physical. i know this totally sounds cheesy, but venting really works. allowing her to have a place to go is really the key thing. and whether she takes advantage of that - well, that's where personal growth comes from.

a journal, a pet, a sibling, anything will do. thank you for being open to her. keep letting her know that you're there. even tho she may push you away, she really will be happy to kno sumbody luvs her.

and tell your parents. get her to a doctor who she's comfortable with. medicine does help. take it from one who knows.

thank you, good luck, and best wishes

*~*jEnNi*~*

[Morgan17]

like i think about and dont get it what kind of wierdo could cut themself but yea tie her up or send to a doc or sumthing

[StrawberryFields]

I would like to bring up another subject. The choking game. I found out today that one of my good friends died last night playing it. He was alone- his friends that were going to do it all couldn't. This game has hurt so many people. I never would have suspected Joe of doing it. He was always so happy and energetic. He was LDS and we had so much fun at stake dances and playing basketball at lunch. Its so weird thinking that he'll never be there agian, even though he was fine on Friday. I'll never have to watch out for him jumping up to get the ball. (he was only about 4feet but he stole the ball multiple times from my friend who's 5' 10"..) Don't play the game. It hurts too bad.

I know of this "game" as well. One of my daughters friends did this in 5th grade, it was at recess by one of the portables. This girl fell flat on her face in front of my daughter and another friend and broke her front teeth. What is the fun in that, to go without the rest of your life with capped teeth because you wanted to try something new???? I can imagine that brain damage could also occur from this and there is nothing that can be done to fix brain damage, it is permanent.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

Fad thing here is to put one of those medical rubber gloves over your head like a hat but with the wrist at your top lip so that your nose is inside, then inflate the glove by breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose. Mohawk of inflated fingers. But some guys then pull it down over their mouth as well and see how long they can stand it. Bad idea!

[Lindy]

It really helps if you keep the line of communication open and going with your children. Topics like this one "the choking game" need to be addressed ASAP to any youth that you have authority over. Some play games or do really stupid things casue they really don't understand the consequences, or they haven't been informed. There was some anti drug commerical years ago about a 16 year old talking ( from beyond the grave) about using a certain drug for the very first time on her 16th birthday.....warning others that the first time CAN kill you. It was a thought provoking commercial, and one I will never forget the message from.

[caffeine_phree]

I found out a month ago that my sister was cutting. Sometimes she still does. I dont know how to help her to stop, or to tell her that it is wrong because I used to cut all the time. I feel extremly hypocritical telling her to stop. I cant help her to stop because I still cut from time to time. Please look at this with an open perspective on cutting. It is a huge stress reliever, and well I cant really explain it. I had been through hell when I started. No one knew..no one really cared when I did tell them....there are just too many fake cutters out there just doing it to get attention..which I hate!! they take the attention away from the people who really need it. Back to my sis...I have no idea how to help her, we talk all the time and are really close, she is just going through too much at school, and our ward is just so ignorant to everything going on...and they arent very nice, just self-righteous and stuff...if you know what I mean. I dont feel comfortable going to the bishop, I already had to go through a buch of crap with a guy..if you know what i mean.. and my parents already know. Everyone I try to get help from just passes judgement and not help because of their take on cutting.

I have no idea what to do at all, how to help her stop, how to deal with my own problems, how to make things better with the youth in my ward....please send all the advice you have

one thing that helped me was i put a tape of some of my favort church songs or happy songs in a box along with other things that made me happy like my necies old baby clothes pictures of my friends and family some poems and stuff, things that make you happy could be diff. for every one. well i put the in a box and put it somewhere everytime i felt the need to cut i opend it and looked at, lisend to and thought about things that made me happy and feel loved it helped alot but one thing i know you shouldnt do is take away their razors because if she wants to cut she will but with something more dangeres like a dirty peice of glass. but most importantly JUST KEEP LITENING TO HER