House work and work ethic

[Guest Alana]

I feel like my house is always dirtier than other peoples homes.

Yes, I have kids, don't have a house keeper, am anemic, and don't have OCD cleaning tendencies.

But, sometimes it feels like the reason my house isn't clean is because I'd rather read than clean. Or take a bath, or read with the kids, or go to the park, or a variety of other things. I feel like I'm lazy. How do I develop a better work ethic when it comes to cleaning? How do I get the energy?

Oh, also, I my house is less than 800 sq ft, and has one closet but no other storage... we've been minimizing things like crazy, but the cleaning struggle still continues.

[Dravin]

Okay your house is dirtier, but how do you feel when it isn't compared to others? If you or your family don't feel like the house is dirty (I'm assuming it is not a cesspool) then I don't see the issue. Also, do you mean dirtier? Or are you including messy/clutter into the mix? A small living space can be clean enough to operate in but feel messy simply because of the lack of storage space.

Edited October 24, 2010 by Dravin

[Guest Alana]

I admit, I feel much better if I don't compare my house to other people. There just seems to be such a huge difference between my house and theirs.

As far as dirtier vs messy, it's more messy. For example, the toilet and bathtub are nice and shiny, the kitchen flood needs to be mopped, but it's not too bad, and I vacuum at least every other day. But, in the living room i look at the floor and I see lots of random things on the floor, random stuff on the desk, book case, dvds on top of the tv, boxed food that needs to be put away on the kitchen table, lots of catch alls.

The living room really only takes 10 minutes to get perfect. But, only 5 minutes to look filthy again.

[Dravin]

For a while I lived with my Sister and her family. There were three small boys, it didn't take me long to give up on messy. I dealt with dirty but the house wasn't fully picked up until after they were in bed, or if I was able to convince them to do it.

Cleaning and then going into the kitchen to make lunch and coming back out to find the bedrooms and living room covered with toys is disheartening.

[cathyyg]

Clutter is the pits. I live in an 800 square foot condo with my husband, and it is blessed with numerous closets and cubbies. I still find there is barely room for just the two of us and our Stuff.

You might be helped by looking into Flylady. She is a wonderful person and has helped thousands.

When my kids were small and had to play in the living room (so I could keep an eye on them), I put a small bookcase in there and used the shelves for toy storage. Kids resist it less than a toybox because they can still see their toys.

[applepansy]

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow

For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow

So settle down cobwebs and dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

-- Anonymous

Don't compare yourself to other people. We all have our strong points.

My MIL used to get really upset because my house wasn't as uncluttered as she would like. She made a big deal out of it one to many times. So when I found the above poem I embroidered it, framed it and put it on the wall where she couldn't miss it when she walked into my house. The comments stopped. :)

Do your best and don't beat yourself up.

applepansy

[Guest Alana]

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow

For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow

So settle down cobwebs and dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

-- Anonymous

I like that. Maybe I should put that up on my wall:) If there's anything I'm really good at, it's spending quality and quantity time with my kids.

[applepansy]

I like that. Maybe I should put that up on my wall:) If there's anything I'm really good at, it's spending quality and quantity time with my kids.

You're spending your time wisely then. :) Your children are the most important. No one will remember if your dishes were done or not on October 23, 2010. :)

[Guest mirancs8]

The question I would ask would be is your house dirty or is your house messy? To me that's 2 very different things. A few of my stay at home mom friends houses are messy but they are not dirty. Well sure when you have 5+ kids and you are homeschooling all day I would expect your house to look like a war broke out

I actually hate when they stop over my house and immediate say, "how do you keep your house so clean with 2 small boys while working and being a single mom!?" Honestly I am not always neat I'm just really good at giving that appearance that my house is neat. Don't open any closets you might pass out lol. Really though I've got a system down. If I don't do a little each day it just piles up and becomes a HUGE project for which I start to feel overwhelmed about.

Seriously though for me personally I can't have an overload of clutter in my home otherwise I start to feel overwhelmed. It starts to feel like a bigger project then I can handle. You'll never see me on the "Hoarders" show on A&E that's for sure. What I do is every night after the kids eat and do homework I take on some household project with the kids. When they go to bed I do a bit more. I get up an hour before them and do some more stuff. This is the only way I can balance work, kids, callings, responsibilities, family, friends, and everything else that consumes my lives.

Your priority is the kids so don't get to worked up about the house. Take it one day at a time and get the kids involved. Nothing bad ever came out of responsibility. Make it fun for the kids.

[Bini]

I'm generally a minimalist. I don't like having a lot of stuff around. Then again, hubby and I don't have kids yet, so.. That probably says a lot in it self.

Don't compare your home to others. Of course, they're going to contrast and be different because we all have and live different lifestyles. And as others have said, clutter does not necessarily equate to being dirty. But if it's the clutter that's driving you bonkers, maybe consider taking a weekend and making 3 piles (keep, donate and toss). Downsize what you can and maybe that will help create a little more room within your home. If keeping up on house chores is more of the issue, maybe it's time to hit the drawing board and setup a cleaning schedule that the whole family can take part in. Everyone makes their own bed, one person grabs all the laundry, another person runs the laundry, etc etc. Just some ideas. Don't stress yourself too much! You'd rather have a "home" than a spic and span house :]

[MorningStar]

I feel your pain. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 children. Our place is sanitary, but cluttered. I had to start caring less because I could spend all day feeling angry about all of the messes my kids make. When I was on crutches for 4 months, I learned to just be grateful that I could go and do stuff with them.

Still, it's really stressful when my mom wants to come over because she is really, really tidy and I feel like I'm being judged. Actually, I know I'm being judged because she says stuff about it. If I have my place really clean, she will still find something. Once I gave the whole place a major decluttering/scrubbing and she asked about the spots on the carpet. Our oldest spat up until he was 2, so he would just throw-up wherever and we didn't always notice right away. We were dirt poor and didn't have money to have it cleaned and our apartment manager never had it cleaned. Spot cleaning was impossible because there were so many spots. It was crazy how often our son spat-up. I borrowed someone's mini-steamer, but it only worked so well.

Now I have beige carpet with my 4 children and we've lived here for over 8 years, so you can imagine how awful our carpet looks. It's very unrewarding when I clean because the carpet makes the place look dirty still. Same with the walls. I keep scrubbing them, but they need to be painted. They're not going to be painted until we move and I don't have the money to paint it myself.

My daughter is into everything. She loves to fling stuff all over the house and every evening I think how I'm going to get the place looking nice, but then my 3 boys come home and it's time to help with homework, make dinner, drive kids to Scouts, etc. They are terrible about going to sleep because they all sleep in the same room, so during the hours I could get something done, I'm disciplining kids for getting out of bed, fighting, turning their light on over and over again, etc. Seriously, they probably don't actually fall asleep until 10 or 11 every night because they just keep riling each other up.

Then there are my chronic pain issues. Back spams and my foot/ankle have been swollen and painful since my injury 4 years ago. I can spend hours cleaning, but move so slowly, I can hardly undo what my kids have done. Getting them to do their part is a nightmare. Hard to prove who made what messes and they resist because they didn't make the mess (supposedly) and they have done SO much more than their brothers. So they stop and tell me, "HE'S NOT CLEANING!" It's has taken them up to 5 hours to clean their room. Ridiculous. All they have to do is throw the toys in one big box, put their clothes away, throw away garbage (which shouldn't be in there anyway, but they sneak snacks into their room), and put the books on the shelf. It's really not complicated, but they spend most of the time arguing and I'm at the point that I just want to throw it all out and start from scratch.

Drives me nuts.

As far as motivating myself to work really hard at it, I ask myself, "Did I work as hard as my husband did today?" Physically, probably not, but I have to do a lot of stuff that required mental energy like dealing with my daughter's tantrums, paying bills, working on the budget, helping with the homework, communicating with teachers about problems with the kids, etc. I'm pretty busy. I just don't feel like I have much to show for it when my husband gets home.

Oh yeah, I also do some writing for side work and I teach piano. I'm not lazy. It's just hard for me to do a lot of physical labor. I stay up until midnight or 1 until I feel tired enough to sleep through the pain I'm in. Last night I overdid it and had a miserable time falling asleep. I got down on all fours to clean the floor so I could get off of my foot, but I can't flex it well and it starts to cramp up in that position. Getting up off the floor also causes me extreme pain because it won't bend in the directions it needs to. I just started physical therapy again and am being fitted for orthotics tomorrow. We'll have to meet the deductible and pay 20%, but I'm really hoping this will finally give me the ability to stay on my foot longer.

[mightynancy]

If it's sanitary, and the level of clutter is acceptable to you and yours, then you're doing fine. If you want it to be tidier, I have found that small changes, mastered one at a time, are the way to go. In other words, pick one spot in the house that you'll keep picked up: the entry table, the sink, whatever. Just focus on that one area as you go through your days. When it's no longer hard/difficult to keep that spot tidy, pick another.

I also "reward" myself with my preferred activities (reading, gabbing on the phone, going online) if I get some of my have-to-do's finished.

I hear you - we lived in a 600 sq foot house until our son was about 2. We were packed in tight! Even when everything was as tidy as it could get, it still looked a bit cluttery (we had no storage space either; the place was built in 1932).

Hang in there - it sounds like you're focused on being a great mom; being just okay at housekeeping is all right!