Married, but why

[earthquakedude]

I had been dating my wife for a while, when i was troubled about her religion and my feeling for her, at that point i asked her point blank about the differences in our religions. She told me at that point that she had never planned on marrying someone of her faith. I trusted her, but i do now I think she was not being completely honest. I was the Blazer B teacher at the time. She would attend church with me, get baptized and go to the temple a year after our civil marriage. We had a good thing going for a long time, every once in while a flare up would come up about about praying together, scripture , sabbath day, 3 hour block, callings that took time away from the family. She would get me so worked up about the calling, that it would lead to a release. Years ago she asked for a separation and then asked for a divorce. she did not follow through with it and now here we are! Tonight, i asked if it would be ok if the elders came by for some pie on thanksgiving. She said that would put salt in here parents wounds since she is not a member of their church anymore, i may have stupidly asked asked if she was embarrassed by the church, she is not real hip on earing garments and temple attendance, she will ask why someone would read scripture unless it was for a talk or class to teach. I am concerns is her testimony is dwindled. not being yoked has brought a lot of sadness in my life!!!

Last year she would completely ignore the concerns i had about the economy. she would ignore me completely, no team effort at all. I have begged for counceling for years and have gone by myself for years. What to do? not much of a relationship or communication about the marriage. When do you say when or keep fighting for the marriage,

[NeuroTypical]

What to do?

Without kids, you have basically three valid choices:

1- Work on your end of things and hope she works on hers.

2- Just live one day at a time, with the only goal getting to the next day.

3- End the relationship.

You could make babies with her, but that's a pretty horrible option IMO. Dragging an innocent life into this mess isn't fair on the innocent life.

With kids, your valid choices change a bit. You have a responsibility to your children, and it should take precidence over your own hurt and pain and whatnot. Kids are best served in families where there is a mommy and a daddy. If that's the situation, then basically, you figure out how to get over your hurt about her changing faith, and parent your kids.

LM

[MichaelCraig]

Men marry women expecting them NOT to change...and they do. Women marry men and expect them TO change, and they don't. We're a mess aren't we. I know what I've done the past 5-6 yrs to stay sane in a somewhat hopeless situation..pray, pray and when I'm tired of praying...PRAY SOME MORE!!!! Otherwise follow the great wise words of wisdom from LM because he's got something there. Pray for the strength to make it one more day, then the next. I've seen the hand of Heavenly Father in my life these past few years very clearly. I pray for help to make it just through today. He grants it and I have just the right amount of strength to hold on that day. The next morning I wake up and start the process over again. Open my eyes, pray giving thanks I made it thru yesterday and that He is giving me one more day and then for the strength to make it. It's really amazing. I would have bailed many years ago if I hadn't seen His hand so clearly which builds my Faith and tells me that He has something in mind that is much bigger and better than me being alone and that He needs me to just hold on tight. Good luck brother. Oh, one more thing that has helped, pray for (silently) your wife, and pray WITH your wife asking for help to become a better person, husband, parent etc and for Him to help you two draw closer together and closer to Him. I'm not saying you are to blame for anything, I'm saying that if she hears you asking for help to be a better person it has a way of making her want to do the same for herself. Also, praying WITH my wife does something powerful, something real. Something that is way more productive than normal conversation between us, even on a good day.

[earthquakedude]

TRue

the haggles to keep my kids in the faith will be tough, the youngest will be off to college in 6 plus years.

i have made it eight years so far and the kids seem to be doing ok, seminary, callings, great kids!!! love them very much. i will just have to get through each day.

[Bini]

Without kids, you have basically three valid choices:

1- Work on your end of things and hope she works on hers.

2- Just live one day at a time, with the only goal getting to the next day.

3- End the relationship.

You could make babies with her, but that's a pretty horrible option IMO. Dragging an innocent life into this mess isn't fair on the innocent life.

With kids, your valid choices change a bit. You have a responsibility to your children, and it should take precidence over your own hurt and pain and whatnot. Kids are best served in families where there is a mommy and a daddy. If that's the situation, then basically, you figure out how to get over your hurt about her changing faith, and parent your kids.

LM

The bold text is excellent advice in this very situation. Unfortunately, it appears children are already involved, which makes this whole thing that much more of a struggle and painful. But the options at this point that would make sense to me would be: (1) first and (2) second, that is if the relationship between husband and wife isn't toxic to the children, in which case (3) may also be a reality.