Can he do this?

[hiddentreasures]

Can my ex take my kids for parent time over a holiday and then leave them with his new wife while he works? I am a stay at home mom and very willing to watch them while he works. My decree (from Utah) says nothing regarding the right of first refusal. Does anyone know how this works?

[Gwen]

unless your agreement says that if he can't care for them he has to give you the option before a sitter. however, i don't know if that rule considers a step parent a babysitter.

the reality is mostly likely he can do this. to be honest i'm not sure what your objection is to the step mom watching his kids. as a step mom i find that a little offensive unless you have some reason to think the step mom is a danger to the kids.

[Suzie]

Do you have any safety concerns with regards to your kid's stepmother taking care of them while your ex-husband works? If you do not, the right of first refusal doesn't apply here, IMO.

[hiddentreasures]

Sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive. There are concerns which are affecting the child which I would rather not post here. Thank you if you have any imput.

Edited December 30, 2010 by hiddentreasures

[Suzie]

Hiddentreasures, please keep in mind is pretty hard to give any sort of advise with such little information, you mentioned concerns that are affecting the child and the question is where is the stepmother in this picture?

[Wingnut]

to be honest i'm not sure what your objection is to the step mom watching his kids. as a step mom i find that a little offensive unless you have some reason to think the step mom is a danger to the kids.

My guess is just that she's upset that Dad isn't actually spending time with the kids, and not much at all to do with the stepmom. I could be wrong, but that would be my concern.

[sweetiepie]

I don't have the answer to your question, but I am sorry are in this position. As a stay at home mom, I would be sad that my children were being "raised" by their stepmother when they are supposed to be with their father. If I was home anyways, I would want them with me if he wasn't available.

I have no experience in divorce, but I can just imagine how tough it would be when your kids aren't with you. Hope you get some answers and can feel better about things. :)

[Gwen]

a day isn't being "raised" by the stepmom. the reality is no one can be there 100% of the time, even stay at home mom sometimes has to be out.

do you call your husband every time you go somewhere and offer to drop off the kids? do grandma and grandpa ever take the kids for the day?

the stepmom is part of the family. when they are with dad she fills the role of "mom". as a stepmom that has spent a lot of time with my stepson i can say that his dad "raises" him. they get a lot of time together. but yes sometimes dad has to go into work. i value the time i get with my stepson. he is part of this family and i care a lot about him. i think our having bonding time is very important as well. and to be honest if it's a good step parent sometimes there are things as a step parent i know i can do and say that mom and dad can't. it's a different kind of relationship and i find it very sad if that is being trivialized and diminished instead of working together in the different roles.

you really don't have "bigger" things to fight about or do you nit pick everything this badly?