Should I serve a mission?

[maydrianne]

Let me start out by saying that I'm a girl, turning 21 in a few weeks. I have been dating my current boyfriend since we were 16... we both really care about each other a lot. A few months ago, I started to think about the decision of serving a mission because I am turning 21 soon. The more I thought about it, the more right it felt. My boyfriend and I have been very serious in our relationship, however, I have been more than slightly hesitant to move forward because he is NOT going to serve a mission. He's a member of the church, he just doesn't want to go on a mission. I don't look down on him for that, I think it's worse for someone to be forced on a mission than it is for someone to just not want to go...

Any way, I became really excited about the idea of a mission. So I turned in my papers and got my call, and I report to the MTC on March 2...

Here's my problem: as I have been preparing to leave for my mission, I have become increasingly aware of how much I will miss my boyfriend, and how much I care for him. I always loved him, but thinking about leaving for 18 months makes my heart ache. I truly, deeply want to be with him, but I guess what leaves me hesitant is the fact that he doesn't want to serve a mission.

So there's my dilemma. When I got my mission call, it felt so right. But how can I focus on my mission if I'm always missing my boyfriend? But how can I be with my boyfriend right now if it felt so right to serve a mission?

I hope I didn't confuse you as much as I'm confused! Any sincere advice would be appreciated.

[tubaloth]

You did realize that a mission is for 18 months before you turned your papers in?

A mission is a different thing. Its one of those things that not even you well be able to fully explain to your boyfriend. There is no other time in your life that you give everything up to the Lord! This is what you wanted to do! This is how you want to live your life! You want to put the Lord first, not only on your mission, but also in your (family) life. The only way to learn to put the Lord first is to go out and do it. (I do think you wish your BF would do more of this)

You aren't the only one that is leaving loved ones behind. Thousands of missionaries do the same thing each year. The question is how are you going to deal with it. When your mission gets tough are you going to complain and second guess yourself (and probably the Lord) or are you going to have Faith that this is what the Lord wants. You know it is! Now its just time to trust that choice!

Maybe by your example your BF well want to go on a mission.

I suggest reading, or Listening to this talk (you can download it in MP3)

Neal A. Maxwell | Called to Serve | March 27, 1994 | BYU Broadcasting

[Wingnut]

So there's my dilemma. When I got my mission call, it felt so right. But how can I focus on my mission if I'm always missing my boyfriend? But how can I be with my boyfriend right now if it felt so right to serve a mission?

I was in a similar place as you are when I was 21. I hadn't been dating my boyfriend for as long as you have been with yours, and he was already a returned missionary. However, we had talked seriously about marriage. I'd kind-of always wanted to serve a mission until I started dating him. One day I prayed about a mission, and I received a very strong answer that I should go. Like you, it felt very right for me. My boyfriend supported me, and in fact, also felt strongly that I should go on a mission. He planned to wait for me. I started the process of putting my papers in, and had my call in hand less than three months after getting my initial answer to prayer. I had three or so more months before I was supposed to report to the MTC.

Some time passed, and I had an open-ended medical delay. It last six months, but at the start, we didn't know how long it would be. Some things happened between my boyfriend and I -- emotional things that made me question the relationship -- and for about a week, I become overly consumed with his commitment to and support of me in my efforts to serve a mission. After fasting and praying, I finally came to the decision that in order to focus on my mission -- which I knew was right, despite not wanting it at the time -- I needed to break up with my boyfriend. While we had talked seriously about marriage, and it generally felt right, anytime I'd prayed about it, I was left with an empty feeling, which I later realized was a stupor of thought. When I broke up with him, I told my boyfriend that if anything more were to happen between us, we'd have to start over again after I got home.

In my case, I knew the mission was right. I wanted and thought that marrying my boyfriend might be right, but I didn't know. I chose to focus my efforts on my mission, and the way I did that was by breaking things off with my boyfriend. I had one really rough weekend, but after that, I was fine: I moved on, I grew emotionally, and I became more prepared to serve the Lord on His terms, not mine.

[Gramajane]

I think you have already answers to your question-

I believe you said that you feel RIGHT about your mission

but get questions and confusion about missing your boyfriend?

Isn't THAT your answer?

Also, I would be concerned that to have dated THAT long, and he hasn't asked to marry you or is not ready for marriage

or a mission, that maybe HE has some serious issues with commitment?

It is comfortable to stay with the same person,

but is it BEST? Is it growth? How can you know if he is the best for YOU if you have not been dating others as the church suggests?

--- a quote from The Best Two Years- (paraphrased) is

"Your boyfriend may not wait, but your husband will".

A mission helps you learn to get along with lots of different personalities and endure hardships with the rare heights of spiritual joy--- which can be a lot like marriage- it is a great preparation!

[Gramajane]

Missions are not right for everyone- here is our experience.

I am 62 years old with five grown children. 3 boys, 2 girls and only our youngest daughter didn't go on a formal mission. She had her papers turned in except for the last one, but she was struggling, I didn't want to influence her as it needed to be HER decision. Yet I knew she had NEVER talked of going on a mission as her sister had for years.

So when she talked to me of her inner struggle, I suggested that she just try to feel calm, and then ask herself, how she felt

IF she went on a mission

and then ask herself how she felt to not go on a mission,

Her face looked stressed as she contemplated the first question

but she broke into tears of joy thinking of the second question!

She didn't finish sending in her papers. She went to the next YSA dance and MET her husband!!!

He had just been home from his mission for 2 weeks, and this was the FIRST dance he went to-

They hit it off immediately! She had been used to dancing all the dances with many different partners as she loves to dance, but when he asked her, (a slow one) they ended up talking so much that they forgot to dance, and then sat the REST of the whole night out talking! Other guys came to ask her to dance but she stayed to TALK (she didn't even know he was a GREAT fast dancer too till much later!)

His mother had had to talk him into even going to the dance in the first place and then he went home and told his Mom he had found the girl he was going to marry! His Mom then told him to slow down!

I think she was 23 or 24 at the time" She had served a stake mission too.

She came home and also told me she was pretty sure she had finally found her Mr. Right. She had been so much a homemaker etc that we thought she might marry right out of high school, and it was WAY hard for her to keep looking and not finding him. (she joked that he had died in the war in heaven)-- she had lots of dates, and some slightly serious but nothing felt just right, till she met HIM!

They now have four of the greatest kids, (oldest is just in school) and he is in the Bishopric, and she has been in Rel Soc presidency.

So you just pray and follow the church guidelines for dating etc and you will do great! Gramajane

[IAmTheWork]

@maydrianne; I deliberately haven't read all of the responses to your post so that I can be fresh in my mind about what I'm saying.

When I first joined the church in 1978 I was compelled by everyone in our tiny England branch to go on a mission. I know now that it was a culture of compulsion, and everyone was infected by it. What did the Lord want? I didn't know! What did those compelling us to go on missions think the Lord wanted? They didn't know! Everyone just felt compelled to go on, or push others into, missions.

Along the years, I've met every kind of missionary you could name. I met some who were quietly wonderful in helping others. I met some who fought to the point of unleashing their unhealthy angst against each other in physical fights. I met some who unleashed their sexual desires in frustration, both sisters and brothers. (Some of them got married, it seeming the 'right' thing to do).

But as to your question of should you go on a mission..? Well, what I would say is that if you feel so called, then follow the call. Go where you're sent, share your love of and testimony of Christ, and the simple message he gave us. But carefully and prayerfully consider your choices.

[SaturdayLove]

I think the best Idea... Is to somehow convince him to go on a mission too...

I know you said that he doesn't want to... but aren't most men in the church required to??

I also think that if he's also went on a mission it would be easier for you to go as well... even though you will still miss each other it won't be as hard since there will be no boyfriend back in your home town... which will help you resist going home... It will be more of.. since he's on a mission too I might as well stay on mine and stick it out :33

I never been on a mission before.. but I was in a situation where I didn't want to be seperated from a best friend.. than I found out that my friend would also be away for a long time from home... so it made my trip easier... since we we'd both be far away what's the point of sticking around... our trips were around the same time and when we both came back it was around a similar date.. so we could see each other again... it wasn't as bad that way...

[Wingnut]

I...it won't be as hard since there will be no boyfriend back in your home town... which will help you resist going home... It will be more of.. since he's on a mission too I might as well stay on mine and stick it out :33

Going on a mission with the attitude of needing an excuse to stay is a poor way to start out.

[IAmTheWork]

Going on a mission with the attitude of needing an excuse to stay is a poor way to start out.

Yep. This kind of decision, as so many others in life, is not as easy or cut and dried as some say. And making the decision simply because it'll be 'easier' for some reason doesn't make it easier in the long run.

Also, what about the people met on the mission who will undoubtedly sense that the missionary is not there for them, but because they feel they have to be..? I've felt that from many missionaries, and it saddened me to know that they'd rather be somewhere else (saddened for the missionary, I mean).

Edited December 31, 2010 by IAmTheWork

[IAmTheWork]

Missions are not right for everyone- here is our experience. I am 62 years old with five grown children.

I just read through your post Gramajane, and thought that is so lovely. I'm a total loss romantic, probably due to too many American movies in my childhood, but that melted my heart. Do pass on my congratulations to them and their children, and thank you for showing that life is not cut and dried! :)

[Backroads]

If it feels right and you are excited, go on the mission! Yes, you will miss your boyfriend; everyone in a relationship does.

[Wingnut]

If it feels right and you are excited, go on the mission! Yes, you will miss your boyfriend; everyone in a relationship does.

Everyone in a relationship misses the OP's boyfriend?

[IAmTheWork]

Everyone in a relationship misses the OP's boyfriend?

I'm not in a relationship, and I miss him already! (Sob).

[Backroads]

Everyone in a relationship misses the OP's boyfriend?

*serious nod* Yes. I know I do. I suppose I can't speak for the rest of you.