word of advice don't marry out of your faith

[me1600]

I am Unitarian. Which basically loves all versions of faith. And yet, as I explore, I feel the most to LDS. I have read books for Joseph, against Joseph and so forth. It still works for me. Bottom line. It all still falls together for me. But I am married to a man who will not explore conversion with me. Imagine not being able to pray with your spouse. It's a bummer.

[prisonchaplain]

Is your spouse also Unitarian? If so, is there not openess towards all faiths. In other words, he may not want to convert, but would likely not be terribly upset about your doing so. Is my understanding wrong?

[ndmom24]

My situation isn't the same as yours (we left the Church but I'm returning soon and he more than likely won't) but here's the way I look at it.......and I hope no one takes offense to my simple analogy.

It's like anything else in marriage...like us.....my husband likes to watch football, I don't. If he watches football in the house, I stick around the house and do my own thing, perhaps surf this site next to him on the couch while he watches football. Should he ever buy a ticket to a football game and want to go, that's fine with me....I just won't go because it's not my thing....he's got buddies and our son to take along and enjoy the game with him....

My thing is scrap-booking....his, of course, is not.... if I want to have a friend or two over to scrapbook it's fine, he hangs out and keeps himself occupied and secretly listens to the chatter that ensues .....and if I go someplace else for a crop, I certainly don't expect him to go LOL

Yes, I have a point, and I'll get there

I know there aren't any "eternal consequences" to both of us having these separate "hobbies"...however, we support each other in what the other one likes. I every once in a while, I'll buy him something sports related, and he may go online and buy me some kind of crafty thing as a surprise and take a little more interest. The point is that we meet each other where we're at and one would never expect the other to give up what they like.

Perhaps I'll go to a football game one day with him, and in turn he'll help me scrapbook the tickets and the pictures I'd be bound to take of the occasion

You both go and do your own things for now, and perhaps you will find some common ground later on down the road. If you push the issue, THAT is what will cause the problems, NOT the religion you choose. Trust me, I KNOW

I wish you the best :)

[rameumptom]

Follow your interest. It may be that sometime further down the road he may also take interest.

[hordak]

I am Unitarian. Which basically loves all versions of faith. And yet, as I explore, I feel the most to LDS. I have read books for Joseph, against Joseph and so forth. It still works for me. Bottom line. It all still falls together for me. But I am married to a man who will not explore conversion with me. Imagine not being able to pray with your spouse. It's a bummer.

I'm confused.

What does you, changing your faith, have to do with marrying outside your faith?

If the problem is you don't share the same beliefs, now that you, are changing, better advice would be don't marry someone who will be unwilling to convert to a faith you may be interest in in the future.

I don't mean to sound overly harsh but if you're changing, particularly on something as personal as faith, and your husband is not "keeping up" then you need to find a way to deal with it. It's not his fault that you are changing.

Imagine if one day your husband decided to become a vegan. Sure there needs to be some respect for his new beliefs, but he wouldn't he have the right to be mad at you because after x years of marriage together, living your life a certain way, you will not up and change for him.

After all. One of the most important things in marriage is understanding that you cannot change someone.

[me1600]

You know, I think alot of you are right. i don't think he would care if I converted. But I do in a way. Here is the thing that is weird with him, and may help you understand why I would marry him. He is a lovely man who was raised by people who were, how shall I say, fundamental Athiests. They actually believe anyone who acknowledges God is mentally ill. They once corrected themselves when they said we were blessed. They said we were "lucky". I mean, it's almost comical. The odd thing is, my hubby has always dated women who are very spiritual. In fact, his first girlfriend in high school converted to Mormonism! But he is terribly terribly afraid of anything spiritual. That's the best way I can put it. There are alot of issues, family issues, guilt and so forth. As he put it, it's like being raised Jewish and converting to Christianity if he were to even acknowledge a God.

So, what can I say? I love him, I feel for him, for I think it's very scary to be in a world that has no loving Heavenly Father, no structure, to striving for the good. It's cold.

So I think are right in that, he would be pretty cool with my conversion. (Except afraid but he's afraid of anything spiritual) God works in interesting ways though. He is a professional singer in a Church. He had never set foot in a church before, and now he looks forward to the speakers. So in a way, I do pray for him, but I know God has a much better plan and it's always so much more profound then I can ever think.

[Guest Godless]

The odd thing is, my hubby has always dated women who are very spiritual. In fact, his first girlfriend in high school converted to Mormonism! But he is terribly terribly afraid of anything spiritual.

Don't confuse spiritual with religious. My girlfriend and best friend are both deeply spiritual, but not even remotely religious. My girlfriend used to be very religious, and the fact that she no longer is has increased our compatibility significantly.

I think it's very scary to be in a world that has no loving Heavenly Father

No, not really. But that's another topic entirely.

[prisonchaplain]

People of faith are often frightened by the idea of living without it. People who are not religious (I understand Godless' distinction very well) often imagine that organized religion would make life very restrained and limited. We hold on to our preconceptions because the bolster confidence in our own choices. Yet, who can deny that there are happy people in both camps, and difficult, miserable people in both camps?

[Backroads]

While I think many people and a heck of a lot of professionals would advise to marry within your faith (not because the other faith is better or worse but because it helps to agree on some things) if you can agree to disagree, I think it's the same thing. He may be a fundie Atheist, but how much would it bother him if you were Mormon? If he is truly fine and can respect it, hey. If you're fine with that, hey. I would say go for it.

One of my best friends is an atheist. She has been happily married to an active and faithful Mormon for nearly six years. He serves his callings, prays, everything. He respects her, and she is very happy he has his beliefs.

My friend's mother is Mormon, her father is inactive. Great marriage.

It can be done, if both people are truly okay with it.

[me1600]

This is a great conversation can I just say that? everyone respecting all the paths? thanks you guys! :)

[Sitamoia]

I feel for him, for I think it's very scary to be in a world that has no loving Heavenly Father, no structure, to striving for the good. It's cold.

As PC said, don't make the mistake of thinking those of us who do not believe in a God are perpetually scared or completely lacking in morals and the ability to do good because we don't follow a text that tells us what is acceptable.

As long as you are both happy with the choice the other has made (religion or not) and can respect that they have the right to believe as they do there is no reason why you can't make it work. You will encounter problems if either one of you feels that your way is the only way and the other should change to fit with that.

(That all made sense in my head - hopefully it all makes sense in writing )

[me1600]

yes, he honors and loves my spiritual side and is fine with raising our children spiritual so that is so great you know? I think it me! I think I have trouble believing someone can't be okay with a life with a Heavenly Father and Spiritual Community. My mother has Dementia it has Wrecked me, my faith and my struggle to find the true church is the only thing getting me through.

[Backroads]

yes, he honors and loves my spiritual side and is fine with raising our children spiritual so that is so great you know? I think it me! I think I have trouble believing someone can't be okay with a life with a Heavenly Father and Spiritual Community. My mother has Dementia it has Wrecked me, my faith and my struggle to find the true church is the only thing getting me through.

And it's not unusual for it to be "just you". You have this idea of what you would like, which is not a bad thing at all. You may not be able to change how you feel, but I think you can have a happy and committed relationship.

[mlbrowninwa]

I have been at this point myself a while back. However it is not a problem that cannot be worked out. When my wife and I were married she knew that I came from a very active Christian family, although not LDS. She also knew that I had stopped going to church soon after graduating high school and for the first few years of our marriage I never brought up going to church. However once I had children I felt the need to find a church to return to so my kids would have the same things that I remembered enjoying as a child. This led to coming and goings at many churches, all of which my wife did not want to be a part of. She joined in sometimes, but it really was "not her thing". She stopped joining in the minute I started to investigate the LDS church and refused to be a part of it. I felt that that was fine as I did not feel that she would ever seriously be involved in any church, so what would it matter.

About two years ago I was baptized and became a member of the LDS church and it did change my life. My problem was I tried to push this on my family and it ended up causing problems. Eventually I backed off and became inactive. I have not been to church in several months and thanks to a recent move across the country, have just now over the last couple of days reached out to the bishop of my new ward. I am still unsure if I will start attending again. At this time, I get my weekly messages from BYU tv with the worship service show. My wife knows that I still have my testimony and am a believer in this church. I read my scriptures daily, pray daily, and live as I should. I like to think that I am partially active at this point and for right now it works. I have seen evidence over the last few months that things may soon work out where all of us will feel comfortable with me attending services again at my local ward. And I am happy to wait until I know everyone is alright with it to avoid causing my family any pain or hard feelings. I would advise to be open with your spouse about everything and listen to their concerns. Talking things out avoids a lot of problems later. And I might add that being open with people goes for your ward family as well. Communicate with your bishop and ward leaders as well. They will understand. With everyone on the same page, conflicts are avoided.

I investigated the church for five years or so and like you say, it just falls into place for me. I wish you the best of luck in your continued journey.

[Gramajane]

I remember seeing some advice years ago to a wife who had converted to the restored gospel,

but her husband was not only not interested, he was afraid, and she had already pushed too hard, so now he was pulling back.

The advice was for HER (the only person you can change is yourself!) to so live the gospel (Christlike, loving, inviting but not forcing!) that her very loving attitude, while accepting him where he was, would give him (and her) more peace, while she could continue to feast on the scriptures and enjoy LDS music, go to church, etc, etc. She could bring the spirit of the Gospel to him, which would help him to recognize the value in her life (and then hopefully want more --

It is no guarantee even if you marry a returned missionary, that they will not change and LOSE their testimony, but the odds are better. Still I think the BEST is to seek for guidance and confirmation from the Holy Spirit about who to marry- after you figure it out reasoning with your mind.

Still- a BIG part, is to not date except within those who at LEAST have your values--

and though you could group date with some members of other faiths who do share the same values,

do not couple up-- why risk it? -- The GREATEST happiness is a celestial marriage! I love mine! (40 years and counting! ) Gramajane