My daddy

[Miffy]

I'm not married this is more about my parent's marriage or more like my own daddy...

He's great I have many good memories and he's just everything a father should be in every way sometimes he worries a bit too much but oh well it's love I think.

There is just a thing that worries me for a long time now already. That is that my father tells us lies for some reason. Because he tells he's working over night but I know for months already that he's not at the place he tells us he is. First because someone else said she didn't see his car around his work place so I just told myself "maybe he just parked somewhere else?" still in the back of my mind thinking it still seemed fishy to me... Also because he always told us (my sister and me) that we can't come by.

While I remember he always was so cheerful at his old workplace when we sometimes dropped in for a tiny surprise visit. Like if we where in the neighbourhood we would sometimes ring just to say hi or give him something for work or even secretly help him a little bit.

But good he got fired for that job and found another one. Now I do realize that different jobs are also different rules on who’s allowed to come in or not. But still.

I have been wondering why he almost sleeps every freaking night on his work. He said night watch (???) or something like that. Yes well nice and all but really every night?

First there seemed to be different shifts and all but now …

So a few nights ago my sister and I went to his so called work place anyway. We had bought a nice cake for him earlier because we ate his part of the other one without knowing till our mom told it was his piece. It was kind of on our route anyway since we went to the cinema with a friend.

So we came there and I saw a big parking place (I never been in that part of town yet) so no way anyone would park somewhere else. No car anywhere (Well not ours. There where different cars to be seen around) and the building seemed empty too.

So my sister called him being a bit sneaky telling him well this was the conversation (what our father said is what she told me he said).

sis: Hey papa. Are you at your workplace in [fill in the name of different place in town where his workplace is at] ?

pap: Yes off course I’m there

sis: Well you forgot your cake and we’re on our way to the cinema so we could bring you the cake on the way.

pap: Oh you really don’t need to do that.

sis: But papa we’re there already and there is no sign of you. So where are you? Are you there or not?

pap: I’m at work but at another location [names the name of the other location]

sis: But how come you first tell us you are at [name of first location]?

Well I don’t want to go on about that conversation but long story short he didn’t want us to come there too off course. So makes me think he’s just lying to us. Making stuff up…

Needless to say leaving us (my sis and I… don’t know about mom) wonder. I already have for a long time wondered since I noticed he’s seriously gone so much I just keep telling him how nice it is to have him home and that I love him very much. Kind of trying to hint he should stay at home more with us. Also in a kind of hope it’ll make him open up.

My sister and I kind of share the same thoughts on this. First worst thought is he’s cheating . Other options are… he got fired and is scared to tell us so he spends his nights in the car somewhere.

And another thought on another option popped into my mind while writing that’s an old lady our family is friends with. My father is there more often and sometimes he brings food from his work place and some of these foods remind me a bit of what she makes. So maybe he feels more at home pampered by an older lady and a bit more at ease as a nice place to come to rest?

Thing is how should we find out? Mostly my sister and I we don’t want to tell mom in case he is cheating it’s his duty to talk about that with her. Still won’t like it because my sister and I are both doing our best protecting mom but maybe she does the same without us knowing from each other.

Next to protecting mom we want to find out what’s going on here because he is lying and we dislike this. So we have to confront him some way maybe by spying? Or just when he’s about to go to work walk with him to his car and simply talk to see what comes out? Be hard like “I demand you take me to your so called work place with me right now and if people on the work floor aren’t happy to see me I’ll simply explain I had to know,” and then with this don’t let him leave unless he takes me with him or explains truth to me.

Could go on about this for a while but I’ll leave it here it’s a lot to read so respect if you made it this far. But now you also understand why I don’t want to give my full ID here? Just want to be sure people in church won’t gossip since it happens a lot…

[slamjet]

It's a tough situation where there are no good answers. But it strikes me as this is something between your mom and dad. I'll assume you are a minor. The best advice is to not get in between them. If you can approach your mom with it, then that would be the best place to start. But please be very careful. The relationship between your mom and dad is not your responsibility. Don't feel you need to make it so.

Edit: I just read somewhere you are not a minor. Either way, the advice is the same.

Edited February 20, 2011 by slamjet
Oopps...

[John11111]

That is a very interesting situation, I know if it were me id follow my Dad to see where he was going more to sate my curiosity more then anything else.

If he is a nighguard his company might assign the night/guards duty at different locations. I know where I work we have guards at night at it is not always the same guy we hire out from a security company and they just send someone that works for them.

It could be your dad is embarrased of his work as well or it could be that where he works is not the safest area to be in the first place, if it requires security its usually for a reason.

Im pretty sure your mom knows or suspects already if he is saying hes going to work and he isnt it will reflect in his paychecks and amount of money in the bank.

It does seem a bit suspicious but ask your self do you really want to know? Will knowing something you dont ruin the relationship and good image you have of your father? If so leave it be, you are not responsible for your father or his actions.

Anyways goodluck and hopefully everything turns our alright.

[Guest]

Slamjet's advice is great.

Your mom and dad's relationship is for them to sort out.

Your relationship with your dad is for you to sort out. So, his getting fired/being unfaithful would be something for your mom to deal with. His lying to you is something for you to deal with. So, I would approach it like this:

Next time you're in a conversation and you start to think that he's lying to you, ask him straight up. "Dad, are you lying to me? Please don't lie to me." or something to that effect.

[pam]

It's interesting when the kids can turn that question around onto the parents.