I am a Non-Mormon living with a Mormon

[Backroads]

I think you will always have problems gaining exactly what you want to know. An ex-Mormon is probably very knowledgeable, and a happily active Mormon can be just as knowledgeble. To be fair, I think you can't say all ex-Mormons are going to give you false doctrine and all Mormons will sugarcoat everything.

But if someone is bitter against the Church, they are going to be more likely to present the bad stuff. Then again, a Mormon zealot won't tell you much of anything. Sad, but that's how human nature is. Few people can leave something peacefully.

I also worry about what you will think if your boyfriend does decide to become active, or even wants to. You say you respect all religions and beliefs and I have no reason to doubt you. But it's not good for the relationship if your boyfriend feels he can't explore beliefs that are different from yours.

I don't think this has much to do with religion, at least not as far as you two make it.

You two need to ask yourselves these questions:

1. How serious is he about going back to the LDS faith?

2. Will that change how he sees you?

3. Will that change how you see him?

Edited February 23, 2011 by Backroads

[volgadon]

If you love him, you are living together, why the fear of marriage?

[Jenamarie]

There's been several Mormon/non-Mormon couples in my local congregation over the years. Sometimes the non-Mormon spouse is "active" (meaning attends Sunday meetings with their spouse and kids -if any- attends church-sponsered functions, etc.) and others you would think the member spouse was single because the non-Mormon spouse flies so low under the radar. (seriously, I thought our Primary President [leader of the children's Sunday School] was a widow or divorcee up until recently because I *never* saw or heard mention of a husband, and she lives across the street from her parents). It can be done. I think the success or failure of the relationship relies on the persons involved.

Some Mormons can be pushy about "converting" people, and others will take "No" for an answer. What will make them a problem though is whether or not your fiance stands up for you or not. If he's not willing to tell the pushy out-to-convert people to back off, or if HE becomes the pushy out-to-convert person then I would say the relationship won't last. But if he's willing to let you believe what you believe, and willing to stand up for you against those in the church who won't take "No" for an answer, then I would think the odds are good that your relationship will be successful (or, if it fails, church issues wouldn't be the main reason).

[blusun7]

Here is some advice. Im married to a non mormon who was like you in attitude. We have been together and broke up over this attitude cause im not a typical mormon before being married after

that break up it really opened up her eyes to what she was doing to me.

Everything you think you know on mormons is wrong. im telling you right now that attitude will not bring him closer to you. All it did in my relationship was push me away. go ahead read wikipedia and anti mormon stuff but have you ever stopped and asked him??

You already said you in your post that you would be pressured in the church and they told you that you could tell them to leave you alone and you thanked him admitting it relieved some pressure showing you thought you knew something that turned out to be false.

Look i know you love him but you have to be fair to him too. Its not all about you you you.

Sometimes you will have to participate if he goes to church regularly?? Yes this requires unselfishness because you have to support him.

If you son joined soccer and you stayed home for every game you would be showing you dont care what he does? Same thing with husband.

What if someone is making fun of mormons and all you know is from wikipedia and they make fun of it. Will you participate or will you hesitate because your knowledge of his religions is on founded on what you wanted know for you. not for you and your husband sake.

Will you misinform when asked about the church or will you tell them what they believe because if you tell them misinformation then it will make you look crazy for being in a relationship with a mormon but will be your fault for not informing yourself for your marriage.

Does this make sense. Do you see where im going. when people say it will work or it does it is cause they accept the religion as a part of their life. if you think that you can shun it out 100 percent then you are lieing to yourself and him.

hope i made some sense. This isnt a movie where two people fall in love that are from different sides of the spectrum. This is real life and real things must be thought of. there will be arguements and disagreements but how handle them will determine but like i said the attitude you have right now wont work and i feel like you are on the anti-mormon bandwagon. Hop on and make fun of your husband or learn and defend him.

hope that helps

[jayanna]

I wonder if this is a trust issue. Reading negative things about your soon-to-be husband's (?) religion, will it lead you to question his motives to perfectly innocent changes in his life?

You can't really find out about the Church of Jesus Christ by sitting at home reading the internet, or asking ex-members. At some point you are going to have to find out for yourself.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe he is a great father, and good to you, because of the lessons he has been taught at church? That maybe family roles, and respecting your eternal companion as a total equal could possibly be disussed as a lesson topic with his peers? That he is probably going to be a priesthood holder, not to elevate himself, but rather so that he can serve your needs and the needs of others?

Let me assure you that joining the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has taught me how to be a better wife, how to love someone as an equal for the first time in my life, how to be a better mom, taught me how to love myself, and empowered me to overcome so much strife, given me the courage to go back to college...my quality of life is so much better than I could ever have imagined...and I joined as a single adult with 2 kids. My husband was a Baptist when we got engaged, we agreed to go to my church one Sunday, and his church the next...we never did go to his church, because he saw immediately what the real thing is...I've asked him what all the differences were, and he says that there are a lot more similarities than there are differences...he was surprised at that actually.

It doesn't matter what you think of the church, or what some ex-member thinks of the church, what matters is what your Father in Heaven thinks of it. He is the one you need to ask.

Will he be different? Well, let's see..as Christ as his example he will be more patient, kind, longsuffering, honorable, charitable, doing service for others like visiting the sick and needy, reading the scripures and praying more, following the answers to those prayers, and will be encouraged to be a better companion to you in every way, he will have a huge support system waiting to help if he were to fall into poverty, or serious illness (really the church welfare system is phenomenal, check it out)

Your real question is, are you going to cave in to your fears based on rumor and speculation, or are you going to continue to love him and judge this part of his life by waiting to see what comes of it?