MorningStar Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 A family very special to me is losing their father. I have known them since I was about 4. I really want to pass on to him how much he means to me, but I feel kind of awkward about it, wondering if there are a lot of people with the same wish and I don't want to overwhelm them. I know the family must have so much to say to him and I fear intruding. I haven't been through the loss of someone so close, so I feel like I don't have that perspective and what I would want from others during something so hard. They have shared some pictures of their most recent moments together. So sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. For those of you who have lost a parent, what are your thoughts on this? I really appreciate your input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Morning Star, I'm so sorry. Its hard to lose someone close, even if you aren't part of the immediate family. Are you close to any other family members, enough that you could tell them you would like to see him? If not, then write a letter and give it to the family now. They will read it and they will share it with him before he passes. When we lost our son (at age 21) I appreciated the hugs, the meals and the people who just said "I'm sorry". The cards and letters I still have. They mean a lot to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Thank you. I spent a lot of time with one of their daughters when we were growing up and we're friends on Facebook. I sent her a brief note in hopes that she will have a chance to share it. I think at this point, it's asking a lot to come over to visit him. The last I heard, they thought his funeral would be this Saturday, but he is still hanging on. My brother is best friends with their son and he came to say goodbye to him months ago when the doctors said he had two weeks to live. It's a miracle that he has lived this long and now I feel kind of stupid for not asking earlier to come see him. How terrible that you lost your son. I'm so sorry to hear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 It was eleven years ago and I know my son is where he should be. I miss him but its ok. I understand your feelings, but don't beat yourself up. Just be there for your friend when she's ready to talk. She will need someone to listen eventually. Take care and let yourself grieve too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Thanks so much. Even harder, her husband is fighting cancer too and has started a trial chemo now that another failed and he had an allergic reaction to the last one. How hard it must be for him to comfort her not knowing if he's going to make it. They have three beautiful girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 that is truly heart breaking. I'm so sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking_peace Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 My father was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has made it clear that he wants to spend his last months celebrating life, not mourning. And at the same time he doesn’t want us to ignore the fact that he is dying. He hates it when people pretend that he isn’t sick –you know, “ignoring the elephant in the room” Acknowledge that he is dying but don’t dwell on it. Share with your friend some happy memories of her father. Tell her what he has meant to you. Since his diagnosis, my father has had both a niece and a family friend tell him, “When I was a child, I wanted to be part of your family because you are such a good dad.” He’s loved hearing that and we’re grateful that they didn’t wait until his memorial service to say something. I think that letting your friend know that you are available if she needs to talk will go a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Oh, I'm so sorry to hear it! Thank you for the advice and prayers for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 He passed away today and the service will be this Saturday. I just sent his daughter a message letting her know I'm available to play the piano if they need it. I can sight read most things, so I'm good with short notice. Years ago my grandma wanted me to sing a very difficult piece for my grandpa's funeral, but I couldn't find an accompanist who could learn it in just a few days. I would have been thrilled if someone had offered that to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking_peace Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I'm sorry. I'm sure that they appreciate your offer. It will be one less thing that they have to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I hear back from her and she was very appreciative. I feel so bad for her. She's been away from her family for at least two weeks and her husband is at home fighting his own cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking_peace Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 So sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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