Problems Relating

[sbales]

I was born in the church. I went on a mission when I was 19. I went to Ricks. I married my wife it the Atlanta, Georgia Temple.

She is a convert. She joined the church when she was 17. She went to Ricks. Of course, that is where we met.

Here is my problem (our problem). I hope that this doesn't sound too much like whining.

I have a testimony of the gospel. I know the church is true. However.....I do not like going to church. My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday at church. We go, we sit, we listen to the talks as we are trying to keep our three daughters reverant. We both have been called to be in the nursery. After sacrament meeting we go to the nursery. There is no fellowshiping. The sad thing is that I think that it is us.

I think that we just have a problem relating to other people. I don't know why. We have been married now for a 10.5 years. We have no real friends. Sure there are people that we are friendly with. There are the people who we might talk to while we are still in the hall right after sacrament. But real friends, not a one.

Have I tried? Of course. Example: I like to TRY and play golf. I was talking talking to a group of men as we were helping someone move. We start talking golf and I made the suggestion that we should all go play. Next thing a know, everyone from that group went and played and didn't call me to join them.

It is stuff like this that makes my wife and I feel like we show up to church, but we do not feel like part of the ward family.

Before, I believed that as long as you had a testimony that was all that was important. I could never understand why people with a testimony could go inactive.

I understand now. If you don't feel any connection with the rest of the ward, it becomes more dificult to keep going.

Here is the reason that I think that it is us. This is the second ward that we have been in since we have been married. In both wards we felt this way.

Again, it isn't like we don't try. We talk to people. We invite them over for dinner. We try and be friendly with others. It is just never reciprocated.

We see how they are all connecting with each other. We hear them in the halls talking about how they had such a great time doing things together. So again, I go back to...it must be us. There must be something wrong with us. I don't know.

Bottom line...Church is not enjoyable. I don't like going. My wife does not like going. I basically MAKE us go every Sunday. Then the problem is that our kids see us struggle with going and so the voice their protests with going as well.

Does anyone else feel like this?

[BenRaines]

Stevenr,

I have not felt that way but let me share with you my story. It is a long one so be prepared. I too am a convert at age 15. I served a mission and returned from mission and met and married a convert. We moved a couple of times and were busy getting to know each other and then we had our first daughter. I was called to YM and wife was called to Primary. YM Pres and I became friends and after almost 30 years are still the best of friends. His wife and my wife are also good friends. We have camped with them, taken cruises together. We moved out of the country and they visited twice.

When we first met I was the one to always call and say "Let's go to a movie or dinner" "Come on over and play games", etc. After a while I felt that it was a one way relationship so I stopped calling. After about a month he called and said "What have you guys been doing? Why haven't you called" I explained that I felt I was forcing myself on him. He went on to explain that he just wasn't organized and depended on me putting things together. Since that time I have never failed to call him and organize our events. I call him once a week and we visit often but it is because I call him.

About 15 years later another family moved to our ward. About the same age. He and I are very alike. Now there are three best friends. Wives too.

To have friends, be a friend. I would suggest that you organize the golf event. Call guys that you wouldn't mind being with until you find three to go golfing.

Do your children get invited to birthday parties of the other children in the ward? Get to know the parents of those children. Find one other couple to have fun with and you will find that others will hear of your parties and get togethers and will want to join in.

Do you BBQ? Are you good at it? Invite others over. I have a list of people that want to come over to my house to eat because they have heard of the great dutch oven baby-back pork ribs that I cook. I started by cooking them at Priesthood events.

Stevenr, we have continued moving. I have been in seven wards in the last 20 years. Made new friends each time. Have been here for 4 years.

If there is anything I can help with to be a friend and help you develop them please let me know by email or PM. Church is and should be a happy family.

What part of the country do you live in?

Ben Raines

[Guest Grace]

What exactly is your testimony?

Going off of what I know about a testimony, I would say it isn't a good enough reason to belong to a church. I don't mean to push any buttons though.

[Guest Monica]

I would say if you go, go for GOD. If you feel the animosity is distracting, then worship at home.

As for people, take them with a grain of salt. Sometimes people are there and most times they arent. But God is there always. :)

[prisonchaplain]

I would say if you go, go for GOD.

So far, so good and amen.

If you feel the animosity is distracting, then worship at home.

No. This is wrong. We're not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some are in the habit of doing.

As for people, take them with a grain of salt. Sometimes people are there and most times they arent. But God is there always. :)

Some people have no problem loving other people. Call them social butterflies. What they got out of church is the fellowship, camaradarie, and safe, wholesome cultural environment. Yet, they know not God. Perhaps this sad reality is what Ray is so often getting at in his posts.. On the other hand, some people claim to love God, but they are nasty, gossips, backbiting, or alternative, hermit-like, and just don't mix well with people. God's not called us to befriend everyone. It might be that our purpose in church is to befriend one lonely soul. But, we belong there, and we cannot say we love God if we don't love His people.

[Guest Monica]

No. This is wrong. We're not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some are in the habit of doing.

keyword assembling of ourselves. If these people are really in CHRIST why are they leaving this member out? Not every building that says "CHURCH" worships God.

Jhn 13:35 By this shall all [men] know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

[prisonchaplain]

keyword assembling of ourselves. If these people are really in CHRIST why are they leaving this member out? Not every building that says "CHURCH" worships God.

Jhn 13:35 By this shall all [men] know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Is an LDS member suggesting that an LDS ward is not of God, because one member is finding it hard to connect? The original poster has not suggested any meanness or rejection from the people, just that it's hard fit in. This problem exists in most churches, most mosques, most synagogues, and most temples. Frankly, I think part of the problem is American culture.

So, if we really love one another, we put up with those we must love, but don't like. Furthermore, when it's tough to fit in, we press in, rather than pulling out.

[StrawberryFields]

I was born in the church. I went on a mission when I was 19. I went to Ricks. I married my wife it the Atlanta, Georgia Temple.

She is a convert. She joined the church when she was 17. She went to Ricks. Of course, that is where we met.

Here is my problem (our problem). I hope that this doesn't sound too much like whining.

I have a testimony of the gospel. I know the church is true. However.....I do not like going to church. My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday at church. We go, we sit, we listen to the talks as we are trying to keep our three daughters reverant. We both have been called to be in the nursery. After sacrament meeting we go to the nursery. There is no fellowshiping. The sad thing is that I think that it is us.

I think that we just have a problem relating to other people. I don't know why. We have been married now for a 10.5 years. We have no real friends. Sure there are people that we are friendly with. There are the people who we might talk to while we are still in the hall right after sacrament. But real friends, not a one.

Have I tried? Of course. Example: I like to TRY and play golf. I was talking talking to a group of men as we were helping someone move. We start talking golf and I made the suggestion that we should all go play. Next thing a know, everyone from that group went and played and didn't call me to join them.

It is stuff like this that makes my wife and I feel like we show up to church, but we do not feel like part of the ward family.

Before, I believed that as long as you had a testimony that was all that was important. I could never understand why people with a testimony could go inactive.

I understand now. If you don't feel any connection with the rest of the ward, it becomes more dificult to keep going.

Here is the reason that I think that it is us. This is the second ward that we have been in since we have been married. In both wards we felt this way.

Again, it isn't like we don't try. We talk to people. We invite them over for dinner. We try and be friendly with others. It is just never reciprocated.

We see how they are all connecting with each other. We hear them in the halls talking about how they had such a great time doing things together. So again, I go back to...it must be us. There must be something wrong with us. I don't know.

Bottom line...Church is not enjoyable. I don't like going. My wife does not like going. I basically MAKE us go every Sunday. Then the problem is that our kids see us struggle with going and so the voice their protests with going as well.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Some of my best friends in the wards I have lived in are the people I have served with. I would think that you should explain that the nursery just doesn't allow you to meet other adults in the ward. I believe that it is a common problem for new members of a ward who get placed in nursery never to feel connected. I would be very surprise if your bishop didn't understand.

[Dror]

Steven,

There have been times when I have felt like that, too. It is hard.

Our local institute director says that the Gospel is all about relationships--it's about how we treat each other. I think this is one of the reasons the Church leaders stress fellowshipping and home teaching so much, because people need each other, and need to feel included.

There could be any number of reasons why people don't invite you and your wife to do things with them. Maybe they see you as being so good they feel intimidated! (I'm not just kidding, either. I have often felt unworthy compared to the people in my ward. They just seem so righteous!) It could be they are having difficulties of their own. Maybe you have severe halitosis (just kidding! ). Sometimes I feel lonely and want others to reach out to me. Occasionally they do. Often they don't. I get to feeling sorry for myself, but it still is true that in order to have friends, one has to be a friend (hate to say it, but it is true). Invite someone to do something with you. Confide in someone you respect. Ask someone a small favor. I find that generally, Mormons are happy to help. By doing this, you can get their attention and maybe start a relationship.

Just ideas--I'm no social butterfly. They're things I've tried, and they often work.

I hope you make some good friends in your ward. If it doesn't work right away, don't give up going to Church. Your relationship with God is important, and you may also be able to help someone else.

Anyway, you've got a friend here. :)

Dror

[Guest MrsS]

You didn't mention if you and your wife have been assigned Home Teaching/Visiting Teaching companions and families/sisters? IF so, then invite your families over, or the sisters and their families. OR call ahead and ask IF you can come over for dinner ~ you will bring it. Haven't? Then do you have Home Teachers & Visiting Teachers?

This is what our Home/Visiting Teaching couple did. I was astonished, it had NEVER been proposed to me before, but I welcomed it with open arms and heart. They brought fried chicken, potato salad, I had the green tossed salad and the canned peaches. She brought the makings for a cobbler. It was a wonderful dinner, we talked and visited, and we had the most wonderful spiritual discussion about Tattoos no less

It is sooooo very difficult for us to set one hour out each month to meet. Our schedules conflict. My husband is off mondays and tuesdays, I am off sat & Sun. They are just as busy. So we combined our Family Home Evening and Home/Visiting Teaching.

I had had a hard, long day at work and really did not feel like cooking ~ then I remembered Dinner was coming to us. Wonderful, wonderful Family Home Evening/Home/Visiting Teaching.

Just a thought.

[Guest Monica]

[ The original poster has not suggested any meanness or rejection from the people, just that it's hard fit in.

**************************************************************************************

There is no fellowshiping. ... But real friends, not a one...Next thing a know, everyone from that group went and played and didn't call me to join them.

It is stuff like this that makes my wife and I feel like we show up to church, but we do not feel like part of the ward family.

I understand now. If you don't feel any connection with the rest of the ward, it becomes more dificult to keep going.

Again, it isn't like we don't try. We talk to people. We invite them over for dinner. We try and be friendly with others. It is just never reciprocated.

We see how they are all connecting with each other. We hear them in the halls talking about how they had such a great time doing things together. So again, I go back to...it must be us. There must be something wrong with us. I don't know.

Yes, PC, the poster said they are feeling shut out and excluded while they have cliques that do all sorts of things. That is rejection and meanness. And yes sadly at times there are problems with LDS people. That is why there are excommunications along with other disiplinary actions. You may want to familiarize yourself with the proceedures. http://www.mormon.org/search/1,9643,1290-1,00.html#

[boyando]

I don't think it is you and your wife. In my ward, the old Bishop would always be reminding us what what three things, President Hinkly says, all new converts need. A calling, a freind and to be norished by the good word of God. This goes for us old converts too.

About the time that my youngest turned eighteen, I wanted to be a High Preist really bad. I think I wanted to feel important and there was a little pride going on. I kind of felt like you do. Sure I was getting the good word of God, but I had heard it all before. I didn't relate to anyone in the Elders quormom because they were busy talking about there four year old's.

One of the High Priest invited me to sit in there qourum and it made all the differance in the world. I'm still an Elder and I'm still working on the pride. What is new is that I have friends now who are my age and I almost fit in.

You may drop hints like, "is there anyone who would be willing to fill in while me and my wife go to Sunday School, once a month, so we can catch up?".

The Gosple is perfect, we are not. Keep plugin along and you will be fine as frogs hair. And don't forget that you have many new friends on this site - Allmosthumble

[BenRaines]

Quote "That is rejection and meanness. And yes sadly at times there are problems with LDS people. That is why there are excommunications along with other disiplinary actions. You may want to familiarize yourself with the proceedures."

I just wanted to clarify that there are not disciplinary actions, excommunications, disfellowshipment, probation because someone is not nice at church or friendly. I could go to church and never speak to anyone and I would not be brought before any type of disciplinary council.

It is unfortunate that you find yourself in a ward that you do not feel you have been warmly welcomed in. You mentioned that you have been married for ten years and lived in two wards. Have you been working in the nursery the whole time?

As someone said earlier "I believe the gospel is perfect, I know the members are not."

Work hard to find happiness in what you are doing and where you serve. If you have needs I would discuss them with your Bishop. I am sure he would be willing to help you with things.

Ben Raines

[ilumino]

I go through the same thing my man. Similar situation. I live in the Beehive State and when I got home from my mission in Colombia I immediately noticed that people here are quite reserved (unlike the friendly colombians I had gotten used to). I guess its a culture thing, but I do think that we as members need to wake up and realize that we're supposed to be unified as a people. John 17 always comes to mind and I feel like it is soooo important that we become one as a people. We can't do that if there are members who are being left out. I always have to remember that when I notice a problem that I have to do something about it and not wait for somebody else to do so. That's hard if you're not the bubbly, get to know everybody in the ward on your first Sunday at a new ward type. Even still, I know that I can only expect change if I start the revolution. I try to remember (sometimes I forget though), that the adversary would certainly do whatever he could to try and keep us from being a unified people. We can't allow him to succeed cause it would surely go a long way in halting our progression. We all need each other, thankfully.

[sbales]

Some of my best friends in the wards I have lived in are the people I have served with. I would think that you should explain that the nursery just doesn't allow you to meet other adults in the ward. I believe that it is a common problem for new members of a ward who get placed in nursery never to feel connected. I would be very surprise if your bishop didn't understand.

I guess that I didn't make it clear on this one. I am fine with the calling. LOL when you are in nursery, you don't have any meetings during the week that you have to go to LOL. But really, to me, a calling is a calling. Many people would hate the idea of being in the nursery. I'm fine with it.

To the person who suggested that I start worshipping at home, um no that is not the answer. My wife and I are not feeling that people are mean to us...just indifferent. She made the comment that if we were to leave, she thinks that we would not be missed.

[StrawberryFields]

<div class='quotemain'>

Some of my best friends in the wards I have lived in are the people I have served with. I would think that you should explain that the nursery just doesn't allow you to meet other adults in the ward. I believe that it is a common problem for new members of a ward who get placed in nursery never to feel connected. I would be very surprise if your bishop didn't understand.

I guess that I didn't make it clear on this one. I am fine with the calling. LOL when you are in nursery, you don't have any meetings during the week that you have to go to LOL. But really, to me, a calling is a calling. Many people would hate the idea of being in the nursery. I'm fine with it.

To the person who suggested that I start worshipping at home, um no that is not the answer. My wife and I are not feeling that people are mean to us...just indifferent. She made the comment that if we were to leave, she thinks that we would not be missed.

What other callings have you had? Seriously I have served my time in nursery and I have also enjoyed it there. The nursery calling is fairly easy as you mention by not having other meetings during the week. You are not feeling connected with adult members in your ward. A remedy to not feeling connected is getting you and your wife involved in other areas of service. It is my opinion that you can't really get to know someone if you don't break through the "Sunday Exterior" When people go to church they have on their Very Best Everything. The Sunday Exterior although predictable, isn't a true picture of who someone really is. When you serve with someone you get to know that each person hurts to some degree, that we are very much the same, and that we really do need one another. Mention this to your wife, ask your family what they think might work to help you feel a connection. The words that stood out to me in your first post, in this thread, is the church is not enjoyable. Although getting there is difficult at times for me, when I do go I feel the warmth of friendship and love. It is a basic need and one that I believe that you can also have.

[prisonchaplain]

Yes, PC, the poster said they are feeling shut out and excluded while they have cliques that do all sorts of things. That is rejection and meanness. And yes sadly at times there are problems with LDS people. That is why there are excommunications along with other disiplinary actions. You may want to familiarize yourself with the proceedures. http://www.mormon.org/search/1,9643,1290-1,00.html#

OK, I reread it. IMHO you're reading way too much into what the poster said. People naturally like to be with those they know and like. Somebody new comes it, and it may take time for people to get to know them. And, in a culture such as ours, that stresses rugged individualism, and in which most people are consumed with busyness--having little time for actual human relationships, it is not surprising what is described.

The suggestion that those who did not notice the new members, and failed to invite them over--or even that those who were invited to the new members' home, and failed to reciprocate might oughtta face excommunication is just bizarre--again, imho.

[Ray]

steve: I have a testimony of the gospel. I know the church is true. However.....I do not like going to church. My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday at church. We go, we sit, we listen to the talks as we are trying to keep our three daughters reverant. We both have been called to be in the nursery. After sacrament meeting we go to the nursery. There is no fellowshipping. The sad thing is that I think that it is us.

First of all, for my wife and I, we go to “church” to worship God, and if we can do that, with at least some of the other people at “church”, we will always enjoy that experience.

And basically, for us, that means that in Sacrament meeting we want to remember our Sacraments and receive those emblems from the priesthood, and continue to feel the spirit of God as we go through our day with the “church”.

But that does not mean we won’t occasionally notice someone making or not making a comment out of harmony with the teachings of the Church, or actually with the teachings that are taught by those members of the Church who are actually speaking for God.

But that simply means that those people have more to learn as they try to become more like God… and we should all be trying to help each other, because we all have some more to learn… which means that if people don’t fellowship us (or you) we (or you) can still try to fellowship them, by saying “Hi” and trying to be available if they want to be with us (or you).

But, if not, that is fine and okay with us too. My wife and I are the best of friends, and we love spending our time as much as we can together… preferably with nobody else (but our family) around.

But my wife and I have noticed that all people are not like us, and instead of trying to spend time together they prefer to be “social butterflies”… which is totally okay if that’s what they like, but we like to be together… and do the things that we like to do when we can be together.

steve: I think that we just have a problem relating to other people. I don't know why. We have been married now for a 10.5 years. We have no real friends. Sure there are people that we are friendly with. There are the people who we might talk to while we are still in the hall right after sacrament. But real friends, not a one.

What is a real friend, to you? Do you try to be a real friend, to others? If so you are real friend to them and you are then their friend. But if you only love those who also love you, are you really a real friend, to them? What happens to those who are your real friends when they choose not to be around you?

steve: Have I tried? Of course. Example: I like to TRY and play golf. I was talking to a group of men as we were helping someone move. We start talking golf and I made the suggestion that we should all go play. Next thing a know, everyone from that group went and played and didn't call me to join them.

Who was the person(s) who set all that up? Did you ask them if you could come too? You now seem to know who likes to play golf, so why don’t you ask them to play with you? Sometimes some people very simply “don’t know” that others want to spend some time with them, and until they have learned it helps to simply ask them if you can spend time with them.

But my wife and I like to be independent, unless we know of some others who need us.

steve: It is stuff like this that makes my wife and I feel like we show up to church, but we do not feel like part of the ward family.

Do you have any brothers and sisters? Do you stay close to them without effort? Most families spend time with those in their families and don’t give much thought to any “others”… but if most really know that some others need them, most will try to do their best to be accommodating.

steve: Before, I believed that as long as you had a testimony that was all that was important. I could never understand why people with a testimony could go inactive.

Try doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, while realizing some people have a very hard time doing or even knowing what to do with some “others” when those others have not let them know.

steve: I understand now. If you don't feel any connection with the rest of the ward, it becomes more difficult to keep going.

Try sharing your and your wife’s connection with the Lord with those who are in your ward, and if they don’t want to spend time with you, you will still have your connection with the Lord.

steve: Here is the reason that I think that it is us. This is the second ward that we have been in since we have been married. In both wards we felt this way.

I think you might be trying to give people what you and your wife have together, and although you can have that if you really want it with others, try to first get what you need from each other.

steve: Again, it isn't like we don't try. We talk to people. We invite them over for dinner. We try and be friendly with others. It is just never reciprocated.

Could it be possible that you and your wife really want other people to need you? You almost seem to need others to need you. If so, what if those other people have a very full (and enjoyable) life? Would you really still want them to need you?

steve: We see how they are all connecting with each other. We hear them in the halls talking about how they had such a great time doing things together. So again, I go back to...it must be us. There must be something wrong with us. I don't know.

They probably don’t know that you need them to need you, in all the ways you want to be needed, and if you really want them to want and need you, you should continue to invite them to spend time with you until they have learned that you really do need them.

steve: Bottom line... Church is not enjoyable. I don't like going. My wife does not like going. I basically MAKE us go every Sunday. Then the problem is that our kids see us struggle with going and so the voice their protests with going as well.

If you and your family stopped going to “church” because you didn’t really enjoy it, then what would that say about why you liked “church” to those who you wanted to spend time with?

If you are only going there for “other people”, are you really going there for yourselves?

What if going to “church” was only about you and your wife going there for the Lord? But not just for Him, but for what He can give you, as you learn to be more like our Lord?

steve: Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes, I’m sure some people do. My wife and I know lots of “social butterflies”. But I do not think I feel like you feel, because my wife and I only and truly need each other, and what God can help (and has helped) us achieve… the family we both have together, and the family we want to continue to have forever.

But we are always very sociable with people who want to visit us, and we try to share what we have with all “others”, when we know they really want what we have.

[BenRaines]

Ray,

I am curious how you would define "Social Butterfly"

Ben Raines

[StrawberryFields]

Ray, as I read your last thread here it reminded of my neighbor. This man was in his element when he has in a calling especially one that involved the youth. He was in the bishopric and he served well. Get him out in his yard and his neighbors became invisible to him. We never understood this until one night we had a bishoprics dinner with the wives and a short meeting that followed. The bishop asked how we could get our ward to become closer. He didn't let anyone off the hook with the question he went around the room one by one. My neighbor was there but his wife was not. When it got to be his turn for a comment he stunned us all with his reply. He said this is one thing I don't like about being a member of the church in Utah. "Everywhere you go you see your ward member and are expected to like them just because they are in your ward. I personally would not go out of my way to be friends with anyone in the ward. I have my family and that is all we need" Luckily he was the last one to speak just before the bishop thanks everyone for the heartfelt comments. I learned very much about my neighbor in that meeting.

Some people are content being more reclusive. Others need the warm that friendship brings. I like to feel like if I am not in my ward for sometime someone will notice. I one time thought that was a big part of what organized religion brings to our lives...a feeling of belonging.

[sbales]

Ray,

What is wrong with wanting friends at church. What is wrong with wanting to fellowship. It isn't that I NEED them to NEED me.

[Ray]

You people can interpret my words into your own thoughts in any way you want to, but I never said anything about not being able to enjoy myself when I am around other people. And my wife also has no problem enjoying herself when she is around other people. It’s just that we don’t feel a need to be around people other than each other to do the things we enjoy doing, because we totally enjoy and are totally self-sufficient with having each other as our companions. And not only do we have each other, but we also have our children, as well as our other “family” relationships to keep us plenty busy.

And nowhere in what I said did I ever say anything that would give you people any reason to think that when I do see somebody I know, anybody I know at all, that I would not say “Hi” or “How are you?” or ask a few other questions to try to catch up a little bit on the things that are going on in their lives.

Some of you guys seem to be saying that everybody should want to spend their time with other people, besides the people who are their companions and their children and other members of their “family”, while I have said that is fine if you want that, but neither my wife or I need that.

And if anybody asks if they can come visit us, we say, sure, just come on over. We have lots of things that people can help us do if they come over when we are there.

And btw, Ben, I would describe “social butterflies” as people who spend most of their "free time" with people other than members of their own family in society, or what are sometimes called social circles. And I know lots of people who enjoy doing that, with many wives and husbands and children in those families who hardly ever visit each other.

And who knows, if I didn’t spend 9 hours each week day at work, with an hour of that for lunch, and 2 hours each week day commuting, and 1 hour each week day getting myself ready to go to work in the morning, and 1 or 2 hours each week day doing “chores” around my house, and 8 hours each day of the week sleeping, leaving only about 3 to 4 hours of “free time” each week day, and about 8 hours of “free time” each Saturday after doing the kind of “work” I like doing around my house to maintain my house and my family, I would have more “free time” to spend with other people, besides the people I love the most.

[StrawberryFields]

Some of you guys seem to be saying that everybody should want to spend their time with other people, besides the people who are their companions and their children and other members of their “family”, while I have said that is fine if you want that, but neither my wife or I need that.

And if anybody asks if they can come visit us, we say, sure, just come on over. We have lots of things that people can help us do if they come over when we are there.

So Ray,

If I came over to see you and your wife you would say "Let's go out and weed my garden"?

[Ray]

Not necessarily. If you came to our house with a personal problem, because you needed somebody to talk to, I would stop doing whatever it was I was doing and give you my full attention to help you with that problem. And after that problem was solved, I'd then get back to what I was doing, and if you wanted to stick around and spend time at our house, you'd know that you were welcome. :)

And btw, not only do we have a garden, and a very big yard that needs tending, but we also have a game room with a pool table to play on, and a croquet set for the yard. :)

Of course, to play croquet the lawn should be mowed... but the lawnmower is fun to ride.

[StrawberryFields]

Not necessarily. If you came to our house with a personal problem, because you needed somebody to talk to, I would stop doing whatever it was I was doing and give you my full attention to help you with that problem. And that after that problem was solved, I'd then get back to what I was doing, and if you wanted to stick around and spend time at our house, you'd know that you were welcome. :)

And btw, not only do we have a garden, and a very big yard that needs tending, but we also have a game room with a pool table to play on, and a croquet set for the yard. :)

Of course, to play croquet the lawn should be mowed... but the lawnmower is fun to ride.

Well that is a relief!

Now, if you have food then I will be your guest.