help - relationship for my daughter

[sher84604]

i have a daughter that met the nicest best guy ever - he is a dream - she isnt crazy about him- yet - hopefully but i think they are perfectly matched. he is crazy about her from what i can tell. he is a little shy - i am very tempted to contact him in some way with "advice" - i know it all sounds wrong but help me

she is the type of daughter that when we clothes shop if i like it first - she hates it - so i am biting my toungue to a certain extent cause i dont want to ruin it.

he is so wonderful i think she would be so perfect for him, give me advice

i usually am not the meddling type i just hate for him to give up on her if she needs time

sorry for rambling.

[Guest]

Step back. Then take another step back. Pray for her and let it take its course. Any interfering on your part won't be helpful.

[Suzie]

Sher, just because the guy maybe wonderful, great, a dream, according to your criteria, doesn't mean your daughter would see him in the same light and well... she's the one that has to date him in the end. My advise is to let her decide without pressure. :)

[sher84604]

i know - i knew the answer and it all sounds worse than i made it out to be

the thing is i have one daughter that is married and when she was dating she would call me and ask what to do next - shy type - like she didnt know she was in love and needed help

being brave enough to show the guy

they are happily married and i am glad i helped her along

i have a friend that did the same thing kinda

helped her new son in law to be brave enough to let her daughter know

how to act -

i am not the expert but i think sometimes couples need encouragement

i know i am not thinking clearly cause this guys so great

thanks for your help

[LDSJewess]

Sher,

If I have ever learned anything in life it is not to meddle into the lives of my grown children and grandchildren, (and yes I have lots of them). They will choose their life partners in their own time. What may sound perfect to us as parents may not sound quite as ideal to our children. We need to accept that, and they should never feel pushed or pressured into marriage. I know we all want what is best for our children, but somehow it has a way of working out. This is one of those times to just let go and let God.

[Guest]

I understand though, because sometimes I sure wish I could arrange my kids' marriages! I've got spouses picked out for most of them already.

[applepansy]

Its hard to not voice an opinion sometimes but if she's goes the opposite way over a article of clothing, then step way way way back on this one.

Good Luck. I know its hard.

[JudoMinja]

I have a perspective to add that may help you see if from your daughter's view... though I don't know how well this will apply given I don't know all the details. I get along really well with my mother and turn to her for help and advice a lot, but I really can't stand it when she tries to play matchmaker with me. I don't purposely disagree with her over little things, and if I actually like a guy she is talking about its not like I'm going to turn my back on that guy just because she is trying to encourage a relationship. However, it is very very aggrivating to have her treating every guy like a potential match for me.

Now, I especially have a problem over one particular guy. I was in the middle of going through a divorce and met this guy at institute. He asked if we could go on a date. I showed him the ring on my finger and said no, but also explained to him that I was getting a divorce and wouldn't avoid a friendship if one formed. I told my parents about him and they wanted to invite him over to spend Thanksgiving with the whole family since he is a soldier and away from his own family- they thought it would be a nice way to get him out of the barracks and away from the bad influences of barracks life, and he seemed to appreciate it too.

However, as I got to know him better, I realized I definitely did not want to pursue a relationship with him and he was coming on very strong and acting practically desperate even though my divorce was not yet finalized. My mother did not see everything I saw in him and thought he was wonderful- she still thinks he's wonderful and she sometimes lets my younger brother invite him over for a movie or to play basketball or something. I live in my own place away from that now, so it doesn't bother me, but she keeps trying to convince me what a great guy he is and that I should give him a chance now that I'm divorced. I have to constantly repeat that my answer is no and it is my final answer.

I don't like people meddling in my relationships. If I ask for advice, I will listen to it, but I don't want to be pushed into anything or have people constantly playing matchmaker with me. If your daughter feels the same way I do about this, trying to nudge her relationship in the "right" direction will only make things worse and it may not even be the "right" direction afterall. Let her deal with her relationships herself and give her advice if she comes to you and asks for it like you first daughter did. Otherwise, I know its hard, but keep out of it.