ontherighttrack Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 I room and board with a family that is fantastic. We were the best of friends until I decided not to disclose difficulties I was having in a relationship I was in and they thought or felt I was being secretive (which I was but not intended to). It has been difficult to communicate that my intention wasn't to hide but to figure out these things on my own. However they couldn't wrap their mind around it and grew to distrust me. Since then little things have built up...petty things. I think some things they think of me are imagined offenses which I can't seem to addrss but they don't communicate with me and I with them. I wish I could have that relationship back but it appears that whatever I do to try doesn't work. I will be moving soon. I'd like to leave on a good note. I haven't been able to communicate with them about things and find it awkward to do so. Should I try to address this regret of our friendship with them and any misunderstandings before I go or should I just go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'm thinking there's a lot more to this story. Why should homeowners care when a renter doesn't share personal details of their private lives? Are you related to these people? What's the nature of the relationship here - is it primarily business, or primarily personal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 I agree with LM, there are just not enough details here for me to understand what is going on and offer advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ontherighttrack Posted July 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) Really there is not much more than that. They expected me to be forthright and not hide behind excuses for being out of town when I was asked to speak in church or teach a lesson in church. I guess, in my pride, I just didn't want to have to admit that I was going through some issues of worthiness when it came to my boyfriend. I figured that it was private. They didn't care to have details they just wantd me to be honest rather than making excuses especially since they had shared so much with me and opened up my family to them they were hurt that I wouldn't just be open and honest with them. Really. That's it. At that point I just become a tenant who they largely ignored and it has been very difficult to get past the wall that was put up at that point no matter what I do. It has been hard because their perception of the situation is not what the situation really is but I haven't been able to communicate with them because every time I try I can't seem to get past this wall of "distrust". This family is a great family who invite people into their home and treat them as part of their own family and also as a help to subsidize their own mortgage through room/board. Much of this is misunderstanding but since I can't seem to have success communicating that my intent was not to be deceitful (though I guess diverting with excuses is deceitful). Rather my intent was not bombard them with things I was trying to work out on my own. They just wanted me to say, "I can't speak in church right now" rather than "I might not be here this weekend". They felt it was dishonest. And I guess they are right. But there is no forgiveness. Edited July 17, 2011 by ontherighttrack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipplecutBuddha Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 Based upon what you've said, my advice would be to keep things as positive as you can while you're there, and move on when you move out. However, as the prior two posters have pointed out, if the situation is more complex than what has been posted, my advice would be best taken with the requisite salt. Prayer is always helpful as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 Renting a room from someone is a business arrangement. No matter how much this family wants you to "be part of their family" it was unrealistic on their part to expect that. You are an adult and your personal live is private. You shouldn't have to find excuses for not attending church. Its not like you're one of their minor children. If you want to clear the air before moving out then do so. Pray first and then be honest with them. I do however find it weird that they expect you to be more open about your personal life. We have had my son's adult friends stay with us for weeks and months when they've needed a place to stay. I would never dream of prying into their personal lives. But I explain my standards and if their personal life is different than my standards I expect that they don't bring that part of their lives into my home. We have always explained household "rules" before they moved in. Two of the three times have turned out great and we're still friends. The only time it didn't turn out ok is when the person was stealing from us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 It does strike me as strange. I can't think of many reasons where a family would need to know such things from a tenant unless the tenant brought the relationship into the home (to me, room & board sounds a little more personal with the family than a basement apartment or a rental house somewhere--in which case I can think of even less reasons). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'm still unclear about your situation. Did you break an agreement with them? Did you promise, as a term of you living there, to go to church and share things with them?If you've lied or broken a promise, then you deal with it like anyone else who lies or breaks promises. Repent and seek forgiveness. Here's how to repent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.