rollem85 Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Hi all, first time here and was just looking for some advice from people. I have been married for 2 years and my wife left me about 10 days ago. let me give you some background info on us. we've been together for 8 years. met in high school and dated for six and were married in 2009. I had a hard time in my teen years and strayed away from the church. my wife has a lot of hang ups about her past especially involving her parents and their marriage because her mom walked out on them and cheated and after a few years her dad took her back and she has a lot of pain from that. They are also born again christians and their congregation is very anti-mormon. My wife decided to get baptized lds a year before we were married and it put a huge strain on her relationship with her family. Everyone in her family has a lot of pain and suffers from depression. Since we've been married we have only been semi active in the church and i didn't do anything to help my wifes testimony because i was still struggling with my own. 10 days ago my wife says she is no longer happy and can't be in this relationship anymore. she says she can never be the wife i need her to be and even though she loves my family she says she doesn't fit in and can never be happy like this. she says she just wants to be happy and have fun and doesn't want to married any longer. She really has a lot of issues from her past and i don't know what to do. she says she can't live the next part of her life with me in it. she says she can never fail on her own because i have always been there to pick up the pieces. Says she loves me and i can see her fight herself on her choice to leave to comfort of our home. we have no kids and i work and am a full time student planning a career in medicine. She works full time and makes very good money. I don't want a divorce i want to work on our marriage but she always quits when anything gets hard, always has. i feel like a failure because i really love her and there is nothing i can do to work on our marriage. I was just looking for advice from people. also i haven't told my family because i don't think they will understand, very strong lds family with traditional beliefs about marriage. we were not married in the temple. its too painful and i don't want to talk about with my family yey. any advice......thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still_Small_Voice Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 From what you have stated it does not sound like it is your fault that your marriage may be ending. If your wife's family does suffer from depression than she likely inherited some of the inward troubles she is struggling with. I can empathize with those who suffer from depression. It is a very hard trial to deal with. I would suggest you keep yourself busy in doing good to fill the void in your life right now. Pray for inspiration on what you should be doing in your life and then take action. Sorry if what I wrote is not comforting at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rollem85 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 I feel like a failure if I just give up. I take my vows very seriously and I don't believe the root of her unhappiness is due to our marriage. I just don't know what to do. I know I need to focus on myself but it hurts me to see her make foolish choices that we both know will lead to more sadness and despair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jollyroger Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Unfortunately you can't control the choices that she wants to make. She probably quits every time things are difficult as that's the example she's had growing up with her mom walking in and out. She doesn't know any other way of dealing with things. Everyone I know whose spouse 'doesn't want to be married anymore' has done just that. It might be a case of letting it go unless you can find a way to make it work. Things have picked up with all the people I know who are in a similair situation to you because they hung onto the Gospel and have had a lot of support from friends and family. They've all remarried someone strong in the Gospel whereas their previous spouses have left church. They too have come from strong LDS family backgrounds like yourself. Sometimes divorce is the best advice I'm sorry to say. It takes two to make a marriage work and it doesn't sound like she's putting much effort in. I'm sorry I don't have the advice you may be looking for, if I could give you a 'put it right' solution I'd tell you. Always pray for the Lord's guidance as he knows what's best in the long run and I could be completely wrong. He'll tell you whether to keep going or what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlygirl Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Sounds like your wife has alot of issues and came into the relationship unfortunately with alot of baggage that she should have tried to get under wraps before you guys tied the knot. It sounds like you are a great support and friend to her and divorce would be a very bad idea. I don't know her, but with some people who suffer from depression they try to destroy the only good things they have in their lives and distance themselves form it rather then cling to it for dear life! I know this sounds corny but perhaps you should suggest she see a marriage counselor or psychiatrist before you guys call it quits- I would strongly encourage you ask her to hang on and do that before you guys divorce, if not for you, then at least for herself. From my experiences with dealing with depressed acquaintances, they are always thinking the future will make things better. "If I go on holiday I'll be happy", then when they are there they wish they didn't go, didn't spend the money, anxious to get back. They are reaching forever for things in the future only to be dissapointed and want to wait for the next thing to make them happy, when really all they need to do is focus on their blessings, what they have, work with and appreciate them. Perhaps she sees your strong family and feels like she can't live up to your mom, sisters, etc.? You should really stress she doesn't have to be that perfect mormon mom, and that she should be grateful that she has great in laws that she can gain strength from. I hate to say it, but if she is not willing to work out these problems, perhaps it is the best for the both of you to have this come up now then before you have had children together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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