What am I not understanding?

[Mute]

Wildonrio,

Maybe you haven't ever asked people of other faiths why they believe but I have. They don't give feelings as a reason for why they believe. I've only ever heard that answer from lds and I have asked hundreds of people from other christian faiths for why they believe. NEVER do they give feelings as a reason of confirmation. Many christians are actually quite mocking of and outspoken about praying for confirmation or truthfulness of anything.

I wasn't able to read your conversation you posted at the start of this thread but after having skimmed through the 5 pages of this thread, I think it's clear you're having trouble letting go. It's obvious the church bothers you. It's obvious that you have your reasons for not thinking it's true but I get the impression you still think it could be. You say you didn't come here to argue but from reading your responses, that is the impression I get.

I would disagree with your opinion that many former lds are open minded. The vast majority that I've seen online are just the opposite. I'm not saying all are like this but I have yet to meet more than a few former lds that do not seem to be caught up in ruminating their bad experiences and impressions of the church. That's not something I want to be around and that doesn't help anyone's situation. Here is a short site in case you want to know more about ruminative thinking and why it is not good. This is exactly what people do on former lds sites.

Overcoming Depression and Ruminative Thinking - Depression Center - Everyday Health

I can't paste a link to another site because it would be viewed as anti lds but I will cut and paste you the post I made on it. It is a former lds site and although the post is mildly harsh and not the most sympathetic, I feel it made the point I wanted to get across.

I stumbled across this site the other night. I am a former lds member. I had my name removed when I was 19 years old. I'm 26 now. In just skimming the titles of some of these posts, I get the impression a lot of people here are still very bitter at, are bothered by and continue to talk about the lds faith. My question is why?

Allow me to give you an example of what I mean. When I left the lds faith, I stumbled across a site named "Recovery for Mormonism". I thought ok, some people who might understand what I'm going through. That wasn't what it was though. There was one tale of woes after another of exaggerated stories people were telling of the wrongs they had had done to them while being in the lds faith. The stories were so blown out of proportion that they would make themselves almost out to be a martyr while patting each other on the back and saying well done for leaving the cult.

The people on that site were not recovering from anything. Many of them had been there for years and were still just as bothered by, just as angry at, and just as much interested in the church if not more than when they were members. That is not recovery. That is obsession. The only thing that sight seems to do is give others stronger feelings of hate for the LDS faith. Is this supposed to some how help a person's situation?

My point is. If the LDS church is so harmful towards you, if it gave you such unhappiness, then why do you continue to talk about it in your daily life? Why do you not move on from that which brought you pain and put it behind you? That is recovery. That is moving on. I can understand some of you have formed friends here but why do you keep the lds faith as the focus of all your conversations? How does this some how help you?

I don't doubt some people are treated badly in the church by either family members or wardmembers/leaders. I don't doubt that some feel emotionally hurt, or that they feel the lds faith has harmed them some how psychologically. You must realize though that there are many people who do not feel this way and it's not so black and white that you can just paint the entire church as some evil cult. There are many people, including many family members of those who have left, who express great happiness in the church. The experiences they describe are vastly different from many of those who have left the lds faith. The way someone will feel about their experiences in the church is not a certain thing. Your impression of things is not always accurate either. Try to see things from opposite points of view. You may not believe in the lds faith and you may not have felt happy in it but why do you care if someone else does? Why do you want to take that away from them? This isn't some grand crusade to save everyone in the lds faith and prevent them from going through what you claim you did because not everyone does go through what you did. There are many people who express feelings of great joy by being in the lds faith. Who am I or anyone else to call them a liar? If they are happy in it, then why not let them be? It is no more my right to tell them they can not be lds or that they can not raise their kids as lds than it would be my right to tell someone to not be a republican or democrat.

Let us compare this to an unhappy customer who used to shop at Walmart. Just because one person has a bad experience shopping at Walmart does not mean they need to devote their life to trying to persuade others not to shop there? What would you or anyone think of a person who is always talking about how bad it was at Walmart? What would you think of this person if every time Walmart had a new sale or introduced a new item, this person was there first in line ready to ridicule anything Walmart did? We would tell them to get a life! If employees or even the manager of a Walmart treated them bad, would that some how be justification to label all Walmart's as being bad and justification to spend your life trying to prevent all future business to that store? No, it would not. A lot of people are satisfied shopping at Walmart. Some are not. Obviously Walmart is going to continue trying to advertise their store. If a person came out with a forum where people could just keep reliving and embellishing their negative experiences at Walmart over and over again, I'd say that person is obsessed and has some serious issues.

Many people who leave the lds faith express feeling emotionally or psychologically hurt in some way but lets compare this to a different situation. How would someone recover in a normal situation that was emotionally harmful to them? Lets say you had a father who abused you emotionally. You would feel emotionally hurt and perhaps you would have other siblings who also expressed feeling hurt. Lets say you had a brother who felt hurt by your father as well. So you and your brother talk about your situation for a time to get over it. You make jokes about how bad it was but you look for ways to replace that pain with something new. You don't devote your entire life to tearing down your father, writing negative things about him to anyone he comes in contact with and even trying to kill him. Lets say you also had a sister who did not feel abused by your father but rather expressed feeling loved by him. She had a different perspective of your father than both of you did. Why would you tell her she shouldn't have a relationship with your father because you felt you were treated bad by him? She might not think you were treated as bad as you thought you were. You can't keep blaming the church forever for all your distress and how you feel. You have to go on with your life. You have to move on. That is recovery. Let go of what you are saying is bringing you so much discomfort. Find something that makes you happy and let go. Stop screaming "NO! I KNOW WHAT HE IS REALLY LIKE!!! I KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!" Agree to disagree and move on.

I can think of no one else who said it better than Ron Popeil "SET IT AND FORGET IT!" and come back two hours later to a delicious roast turkey.

If you don't believe in the lds faith, then why does this continue to bother you so? Why does this bother you anymore than a homeless person telling you the moon is going to blow up tomorrow? Just try taking two steps back and see how you feel. I hope all of you find the peace you are looking for. Good luck to you.

Well I'm off to make a site for people that no longer ride bicycles. I had a bad experience once when I was 15 and nothing irks me more than bicyclist riding by pretending to be happy. I rode a bike once...wrecked. I know what it's really like. It's named Lifeafterbiking.net Hope to see you there!

[Just_A_Guy]

Wildonrio, here's one other bit of perspective that may be helpful to you:

When I was a kid, we were continually being told to keep our journals. I don't hear as much about it now, but I still think one of the major plusses of keeping a journal is that you can write down the times when you thought God was talking to you, and then keep track of the results. Talk of "burning in the bosom" is a start; but fundamentally we learn to recognize the Spirit through trial and error. Does that make any sense?

Beyond that--I've gone through enough of the history to know that there's a rational explanation for about 80-90% of it. Take your outrage at the Brigham Young manual, for example. If it had contained a full exposition of Brigham Young's polygamy, and the result was that some member in an African or middle-eastern nation where polygamy is legal under secular law started preaching polygamy and caused a significant apostate movement--wouldn't we then be taking flak for not having sufficiently distanced ourselves from polygamy, and perhaps even be accused of supporting the practice under-the-table?

As for the 10-20% of LDS history that really is damning--it tends to condemn individuals but not the core message or authority claims of the LDS Church. Unless, as has been hinted, I wish it to be otherwise. Basically, there's enough out there to justify you "historically" no matter which path you decide you want to take.

So it does boil down to: do you think God's telling you to go with the Mormons? If so, stick around. If not, you need to keep looking for Him and follow wherever He leads you; and all any reasonably informed Mormon who is secure in his or her own faith ought to do is to wish you success in your spiritual journey.

Edited November 10, 2011 by Just_A_Guy

[john doe]

Thread closed, OP no longer among us.