My Husband and His Stressful Job- How to Deal

[Emmaline]

I'll make this explanation as simple as possible.

My sweet husband graduated college in 2008 and had a job waiting for him in a new city. So, we're here.

His original job title is Programmer/Analyst (computer science major). I don't know if anyone is familiar with MIS (Management Information System), but he develops software for the company.

Being the intelligent and ambitious man he is, he became valuable to his company because of his creativeness and ideas for growth. The CEO of the company gave him a 10% raise in 2010. His name is known throughout the company and he is highly favored.

The company for quite some time had a consultant who specialized in a business intelligence program. They were paying this consultant, well, a lot of money. At this point, a little over a year ago, the CFO hand-picked my husband to train in this BI program. Over the course of the year (last year), he was sent to a few different cities to train. This was also to save the company money. They figured if my husband learned the program, he could train others and the company could grow with this valuable tool. My husband's direct boss (the IT director), was on board with this idea as well.

My husband is now the person to go to regarding the BI program he learned. Here's where the dilemma comes in.

He feels suddenly his direct boss (who was actually promoted to the IT director position shortly before my husband's training), who never learned the BI program, doesn't understand its value to the company. Because of this, my husband fears he doesn't much care for it. Instead, he wants my husband to primarily focus on his original job title as a programmer/analyst. On the other hand, the CFO wants my husband to primarily focus on developing for the BI program. The problem is, the BI program is a full-time job in itself, and my husband is the one who knows it best.

As you can see, he's stressed out and fears his good relationship with his direct boss is going south. He's attempted to sit down and chat with his direct boss about it but has had no luck. So right now he's managing to find an equal balance between both jobs.

I hope I'm making sense here. Because the company is business and sales-based, he doesn't want to work for this company forever. The only way he'd move up would be in management- which isn't what he wants. Instead he'd rather work for a technology-based company like IBM or Google because there's more potential for growth in his field of knowledge.

I told him to stick it out for 2 more years and then make his move (that would make it 5 years with the company).

What do you think? Is there any way around this? The poor man is so stressed. His boss wants one thing, his boss' boss wants another, and the head of the business department wants him as well. He really has an interest in developing for the BI program over anything else, so he has an idea of what he wants to eventually move up in; but until then, you can see why he's overworked and stressed- and his good relationship with his direct boss is hitting rocky mountains. Considering he's only 3 years of out college, taking a bold jump or move might be too much of a risk.

I'm sorry for the length.

Edited January 11, 2012 by Emmaline

[Vort]

This is the dilemma of the IT worker, or really of any tech worker in management with non-techs. He must find a way to educate his boss about the value that the BI program provides. How he goes about doing that, I'm not qualified to say. But if he tries to fly under the radar and not make waves, it will be worse for him. For example, if the BI program really is as vital as he thinks, and if he does not push to implement it, when everything comes crashing down guess who gets the blame? Obviously, it's the guy who didn't raise the red flag when he needed to: Your husband.

Having said this, my advice to you is: Don't worry about it. Seriously. Do not worry about it. Your husband is young in his career and has many mistakes yet to make. He has successes and failures in his future. Support him, be there for him, and let him do his job. Don't worry about it. Make home a wonderful refuge for him while he fights his battles, the same as you would (or do) want if you worked (or work) outside the home.

[Jennarator]

I would have him mention to the CFO that he is working on the BI as much as possible, however his boss also has projects for him. Just mention is caually, so not to sound like it's a big deal. Then if the CFO wants him to spend more tme on the BI, he will take it up with the IT director. If the IT director wants to keep his job, he will ease up on the other programmer stuff for your hubby.

At least in al the offices that I have worked it, that seems to work. Just letting people know you have other priorities, and then they seem to realize the world doesn't revolve around them, or if it really does, they get rid of your other priorities so yo can do what they want you to. I would do that in the job I have now, all the time, seems to work well.

[Guest]

I've been a paid programmer/analyst since I was 12. I'm in my 40's now, so you see I've been doing this for a looooonnngggg time. And I LOVE IT!

Here are things I learned in those years:

1.) Job Security is not how long you can stay at a job but how fast you can find a new job after you leave the old one.

2.) Job Stress is self-induced. There are 8 hours in a regular work-day. I look at my tasks in "hour" increments. If my boss gives me a deadline that will not fit in the number of hours I have before the line becomes dead, I ask him to help me prioritize my work. Whatever goes into those hours are decided by the boss that is most responsible for my paycheck. If there is dispute among bosses, I put some effort into getting those guys to duke it out and come up with what needs to go into my 8-hour work day. Everything needs to be fully documented. If the boss decides vacuuming all the computer keyboards in the building is the best use of my workday and I can't convince him otherwise, that's what I'm doing. After 8 hours, I go home and forget about work until the next 8 hours. I don't bring my work "home". Okay, that's funny because I work from home. LOL. What I mean is - there is a distinct separation between work time and family time - work time doesn't creep into family time.

3.) What I want to do and what my boss wants me to do are two different things. I do what my boss wants me to do, I do what I want on my own time, or in the time I have left after I complete what my boss wants me to do. If I think my boss is wrong, I try to convince him to do something else. But, in the end, I still do what my boss wants me to do - right or wrong - and do what I want after. Now, if I see that my boss is headed down a downward spiral, I go look for a job with a different boss (remember my definition of job security: how fast I can find the next job after I leave the old one).

4.) Technology moves so fast, if you blink, you might miss it. I don't chase technology. I pick a small niche and become expert at it - complete with technological advances. My dad got so frustrated with me when he asked me to fix his computer and I told him, I don't know how to do that... and he says, "and you call yourself a programmer?". Uhm yeah, I don't do taking out viruses... that's what the desktop support people are for. Now, outside of work, I tinker with cool technology... apps for mobile devices, dss modeling, etc. This way, I make money out of something I'm super good at and the rest is just play with zero pressure.

5.) Technology is EVERYWHERE. IBM and Google are not the only places that offer the best technology jobs. Right now - the best technology jobs are in the healthcare service companies (including hospitals, insurance companies, medical research facilities, pharmaceutical companies, etc.), espcially in the bio-mechanics area. That will change without prior notice. Mobile computing is the latest craze - everybody in every industry are poised to use it.

6.) My spouse needs to stay away from my job (he's in IT too). My job is my arena. If he wants to help me with my job, he can do so by doing the laundry. We learned that lesson pretty fast in our marriage. We got married on a Tuesday, I was not speaking to him that Friday after I walked into my home office and the computer was torn apart with parts on the floor. He tried to help me with my job by upgrading my begging-for-an-upgrade computer. Big mistake.

Edited January 11, 2012 by anatess

[Emmaline]

Thank you so much for your responses. I will share them with him.

Figuring out how to do both jobs within the 8 hour shift is hard on him. Getting the IT director to see how this new program can improve things is hard. And, there are a lot of old dogs at the company- so getting them to adjust to change, which is for the better, is hard on him.

He's amazing when it comes to leaving his work at work. He comes home, tunes out, and tries to focus on other things. I can see the stress of his day on all parts of him, but I do my best to let home be a refuge (thank you for that reminder, Vort). Since I don't work in the evenings (I have some school during the day), I always want him to look forward to coming home to a wife (and dinner, of course). I'll make sure it's my primary focus and not to worry about his work.

Anatess- I laughed at that last part. Oh, men. Also, he always gets the hardware fixing requests. They think because he's a programmer he can fix any computer problem. He usually just uses Google, or sends them a link to Google if they don't get the message (after he's helped them so many times and has spent time explaining he's not a hardware guy).

Edited January 11, 2012 by Emmaline

[Guest]

It's such a headache being an IT guy with superiors who have no idea what they're talking about, but think they do. My husband is often in the same situation. His position right now is nice, because they hired him on as a contractor, so he's on one contract and his job description is really clear.

[Mahone]

I have to agree with everything said above... I also work in IT, except I work in networking as opposed to programming. Your husband should do whatever his direct line manager has asked him to do, and if his line manager disagrees, get them together and let them decide among themselves what it is that he should be prioritising. Voice his opinion, but accept their decision.

Where possible, he should get everything in writing - I can never stress the importance of this enough. Get it in writing (e-mail is good), and keep all correspondence. That way, if/when everything starts to go wrong because they didn't follow your husbands advice, he has his back covered.

[Just_A_Guy]

Sounds like your husband is caught in the middle of a bureaucratic power struggle. I like Mahone's advice--follow the direct manager, and maybe email the other two and tell them "I appreciate your concerns, and suggest you contact my immediate supervisor so that he can instruct me how best to allocate my time".