chiccam Posted January 30, 2012 Report Posted January 30, 2012 (edited) how Edited July 13, 2012 by chiccam Quote
Dove Posted January 30, 2012 Report Posted January 30, 2012 Hello, Chiccam! Ouch! That's a painful thing to hear your husband say.. So sorry it's happening when you're doing so well in your recovery...Congratulations on your sobriety!! What a huge step to make! I've recently quite smoking. I don't know about you; but, for me it sure is freeing not to have to have a cigarette in my hand to be okay, even though at times I crave a smoke like nothing else, LOL. But, back to your original question about how your husband is treating you. Again, so sorry this is happening and is so difficult during your recovery. I believe the Lord is allowing the adversary to kick at you during this time as a trial and testing period. That being said, I wonder if your impression to stay with a person who sounds like he is mistreating you is really coming from God. Please don't be offended that I would wonder this. There have been times that I thought the Spirit was prompting me, only to wonder if He truly was later, or if it was the adversary posing as Him. I've had to learn to discern/delineate between the adversary and the true promptings of the Holy Ghost.... I don't believe you have to stay with anyone who is being abusive towards you. I don't know if this is how bad your husband is treating you; but, you don't have to tolerate abuse to follow God's will for you, imo. In fact, it is better for your children not to grow up in that kind of environment. If what your husband is doing is just becoming too much for you to handle, that too is a valid reason to take care of yourself and children by distancing yourself from him. For him to say he no longer loves you is a huge red flag. That sounds like he's given up on you and the relationship. More so, it sounds like he has given up on himself in being able to have a trusting and loving relationship with someone else. But, that's not your problem. Your problem is to take care of yourself so you can remain sober and there for your children. Don't forget the serenity prayer; "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the thins I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." To me, this means there are many things I cannot control, including other people; their actions and choices....The only person/things I can control, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, is myself, my actions and my choices...It is not my responsibility to change anyone. I can support others in their efforts to change for the better. But, in the end, whether or not they change is up to them and their Creator. I can be there to love, support, encourage, etc., but, they've got to do the work. As I must for myself~ Have you considered talking to your bishop, ecclesiastical leader, or a therapist for the best way to handle this situation? It sounds like it's a "living hell" for you and your children. I believe this is definitely something your shouldn't have to subject yourself too.... Just my .02 cents worth. Take Care and Best Wishes in what you do decide to do. Dove Quote
Bini Posted January 30, 2012 Report Posted January 30, 2012 If you believe the Lord has instructed you to be patient and to remain a companion to your husband, then His counsel overrules anything and everything any of us here. For an extra booth of strength, maybe get a blessing from a worthy priesthood holder? Continue to talk with the Lord through prayer and listen to your heart. A valid reason for separation or divorce is if your spouse is threatening the safety of your life and your children's lives. Remember, this doesn't have to be a physical action. Emotional and psychological trauma is just as destructive, perhaps worse in some cases. Quote
NadiaStar Posted January 30, 2012 Report Posted January 30, 2012 This is a tough call. I'm a little surprised he hasn't offered to end the relationships--why is it falling to you? It's one thing to be patient, but I don't think the Lord wants you in an abusive situation. Could you possibly be separated from him for a little while to see how things go? Quote
Bini Posted January 30, 2012 Report Posted January 30, 2012 So I'm still in love with my husband and would desperately love to keep my family together.I'm a recovering alcoholic and made some very poor choices while I was struggling. We separated when I first hit recovery but got back together for the kids and for economic reasons. I wanted to divorce but through much fasting and prayer I received an answer to stay.It's been over 2 1/2 years since then and we have some good times and some really bad. I love the gospel and use it daily for inspiration and I rely on the lord completetely.My husband has only fallen further away from the gospel and I fear his lack of control of what he puts in his body keeps him from feeling the spirit. He reminds me often of what I've done in the past, calling me every name in the book, sometimes in front of the kids. Yesterday I told him how hurt I've been and how every day seems like a living hell around him. He told me he doesn't love me or trust me and will never allow himself to feel that way for me or anyone again.Honestly I feel like I may be doing more harm to my salvation and my children's by staying in this. I've been prompted by the spirit to be patient. As I work further through my sobriety it's harder and harder to be reminded of what I did. He claims he's forgiven me but I feel that he hasn't. Just not sure how much I can take. I love and trust god with all my heart and fear I'm losing faith because he wants me to stay with my husband in what I feel are hard circumstances. I love him still but trying to replace that with anger to keep from being hurt.Sorry for the ramble, would love any encouragement or counsel.Could you possibly be confusing "guilt" with what the Lord wants for you? As I read it, you were once the "abuser" but are now on the road to recovery from alcoholism. Now, the tables are turned and your husband has chosen the path which you once took. Perhaps you feel obligated to continue this down-spiraling marriage out of guilt? I just wanted to say this, just because you've made mistakes in the past (and are repenting of them now), doesn't mean you must subject yourself (or your children) to the same mistakes. Quote
chiccam Posted January 30, 2012 Author Report Posted January 30, 2012 (edited) how Edited July 13, 2012 by chiccam Quote
bytor2112 Posted January 31, 2012 Report Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) As a former alcoholic (7 years clean and sober)....it gets better. I highly recommend that your husband seek counseling from someone that understands addiction/alcoholism. As is said and so true, the alcoholism was only a symptom of a deeper problem. I bear my testimony to you that the Atonement can heal you and your marriage......it did me and mine. Edited January 31, 2012 by bytor2112 Quote
annewandering Posted January 31, 2012 Report Posted January 31, 2012 Your husband needs help with his drinking. He can not solve that problem alone and you can not be the one to solve it with/or for him. If he is drinking enough that it is causing problems in his life he needs to get help AND go to AA. Your marriage can not progress and heal until he does. Quote
chiccam Posted January 31, 2012 Author Report Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) bbb Edited July 13, 2012 by chiccam Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.