shine7 Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) My 22 year old son met a local 19 year old girl online. They chatted, emailed, etc and were both enjoying their time spent online. They agreed to meet and to remain friends no matter what. She came to his apartment, he made dinner, and he had me there to make the meeting a more safe experience for both of them.....her friends were freaking out that she was meeting at his apartment. The girl was really nice, and pretty; but my son said he knew it was going to be just a friendship. He was very kind in letting her know he wanted them to just be friends. She refuses to speak to him, she told him that he didn't even have any hurt over it, which is not true, as I sat with him while he worked/talked through the pain of feeling bad. I wish I could have had a video of him talking it out, and trying to get through the sadness he felt.....so this girl could see indeed he also hurt over this. Now she won't talk to him at all....they have no friendship, no contact. I asked him what he liked about her, he answered, she's fun and intelligent and we had good times talking online getting to know each other. I wish she wouldn't have given up so fast, and I'm sad for anything in her life that caused such a hurt reaction. If I could talk to her, I'd say........oh dear girl, don't give up, keep on being friends.....sometimes attraction comes later......but if not, you two had a good connection so continue with that. Edited March 4, 2012 by shine7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 She wasnt blond and blue eyed? Or what? What about her was not in keeping with girls he would date? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Personally for me, when I met her, I thought oh oh, she's not his type even at all....but I would not ever ever tell him that, as this is not me making the decision, I am here as a sounding board/support only. I use type for lack of a better word.....he has dated all kinds of girls.......short, tall, pretty, not pretty, slim, very overweight, etc. He is good looking as well as kind, and the girls fall for him fast which to him is too shallow.......he wants a growing friendship that also has mutual attraction to the inside person and outside person. You might wonder why I'm 'involved'?? I am only involved as far as he wishes me to be, and I listen when he needs to talk. His Dad would be the one he'd talk to if his Dad was alive. Edited March 4, 2012 by shine7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) I wonder if even while both agreeing they would remain friends no matter what, her feelings were much more for him than what she was willing to admit to him. Being told that they could only be friends may have been more than she could handle. So her knee jerk reaction would be to stop any and all communication with him as her way of handling the situation. Edited March 4, 2012 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Now she won't talk to him at all....and they have no friendship.This can change with time, but she will have to get over her romantic feelings first. I might have found myself on the bad end of the "I just want to be friends" talk a time or two (crazy, right?) For me, it is much easier to get over someone if they're out of sight and out of mind.When you're the one who is doing the letting down,though, you're feelings have probably already transitioned to the "just friends" point. The "remain friends no matter what" kind of friendship is much trickier when it's between a guy and a girl. In my experience, romantic feelings are inevitable. When both people involved develop those feelings, then the friendship has the chance to evolve into something more. But when those feelings are exclusive to only one of them, then the friendship becomes ... delicate. Either way the "remain friends no matter what" friendship ends. It becomes something else. Edited March 4, 2012 by Spartan117 Asked and answered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 · Hidden Hidden As already mentioned, I chaperoned because they were meeting for the first time after meeting online and her college friends were worried about her coming to my son's apartment, so I was there to make it a more safe experience. Link to comment
Spartan117 Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) You might wonder why I'm 'involved'?? I am only involved as far as he wishes me to be, and I listen when he needs to talk. His Dad would be the one he'd talk to if his Dad was alive.I am sorry to hear about his Dad. And I don't think there's anything out of place with being there when your son needs to talk or needs advice. But maybe chaperoning your sons dates at 22 is a little too involved? Do your normally go on his dates with him? Edited March 4, 2012 by Spartan117 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 Are you for real?? Why would I go on my son's dates with him??? If you read my first post, you'll see why I was there for this time, as already explained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) I am sorry to hear about his Dad. And I don't think there's anything out of place with being there when your son needs to talk or needs advice. But maybe chaperoning your sons dates at 22 is a little too involved? Do your normally go on his dates with him? Actually I think it was a smart idea since they had never met in person before. Someone can be anyone online. Though one suggestion I would have in the future for him. Meet somewhere neutral and public when it's the first time. That way the person doesn't know where he lives etc. Much safer that way when it's meeting someone from online. Edited March 4, 2012 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Yes, their original plan was to meet at the park and he would bring lunch for them. But it snowed, so they talked it over, thus came up with plan B.....which is why I was involved as a chaperone. Edited March 4, 2012 by shine7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan117 Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) Are you for real?? Why would I go on my son's dates with him??? If you read my first post, you'll see why I was there for this time, as already explained.I didn't mean any offense, I read that your son had this girl over his place for dinner and that sounded like a date to me. I misunderstood, apologies.EDIT:Actually I think it was a smart idea since they had never met in person before. Someone can be anyone online.I didn't get that this was their first time meeting in person. I completely missed that. Makes more sense now. Sorry Edited March 4, 2012 by Spartan117 I can be dense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thank you Spartan117. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.