Surviving tragic loss.

[Hala401]

I spent a few minutes watching the Texas Tornado reports today, and wondered how people who lost their houses, cars, and even family managed to cope with it all?

At Christmas of 2004, I lost my house, family, got a divorce, lost my job, church, friends; everthing except my car. I was a mess and cried for months. It took me two years I think to begin to function again.

So, my experiences have really sharpened my compassion for those who lose everything. How about whole communities that are wiped out by storm, earthquake or fire?

This brings to mind how early Mormons must have felt in the formational years of the church where they were driven from town to town, murdered, raped and robbed. It makes me angry that they were not extended first amendment rights. In my amateur studies of American History in the 1800's, it is fairly plain that the frontier was quite lawless. Infant mortality was around 50% I think, and many wives died in child birth. My, what a bleak setting to grown up in.

I simply can not imagine pulling a hand cart for 1000, or is it 1200 miles across the prairie. What pain it must have been to lose wives, husbands, children or entire families. Can you imagine fording half frozen rivers and creeks?

My Bishop says that people were more hardy then, and that today most people could not do what the settlers did.

[Guest]

I spent a few minutes watching the Texas Tornado reports today, and wondered how people who lost their houses, cars, and even family managed to cope with it all?

At Christmas of 2004, I lost my house, family, got a divorce, lost my job, church, friends; everthing except my car. I was a mess and cried for months. It took me two years I think to begin to function again.

So, my experiences have really sharpened my compassion for those who lose everything. How about whole communities that are wiped out by storm, earthquake or fire?

This brings to mind how early Mormons must have felt in the formational years of the church where they were driven from town to town, murdered, raped and robbed. It makes me angry that they were not extended first amendment rights. In my amateur studies of American History in the 1800's, it is fairly plain that the frontier was quite lawless. Infant mortality was around 50% I think, and many wives died in child birth. My, what a bleak setting to grown up in.

I simply can not imagine pulling a hand cart for 1000, or is it 1200 miles across the prairie. What pain it must have been to lose wives, husbands, children or entire families. Can you imagine fording half frozen rivers and creeks?

My Bishop says that people were more hardy then, and that today most people could not do what the settlers did.

I will have to disagree with the bolded statement above. When you look at a human being living on earth, you have to wonder how he has survived the jungle all this time. So many things around him have the capacity to kill him. One encounter with a lion/grizzly/gorrila/wild boar/crocodile/shark etc. etc. etc. could be one too many with man facing extinction quite easily. But no. We're still here. Growing in numbers. Weaklings that we are. You tend to wonder why...

Well, man, as weak as he is, have quite a strong instinct for survival with great capacity for adaptation when the challenge is put upon him. I have no doubt that if any of us are faced with the choice of pulling a hand cart for 1200 miles across the prairie or facing death, we'd happily put one foot infront of the other and start walking.

[JudoMinja]

I think that comments pertains more to physical hardiness than just hardiness in general, and I think I'd agree. I've heard that said before myself, and I really think that people in general now live too plush a life to be able to handle something like a handcart trek across the plains. Ceratinly there are individuals that could handle it, and there are certainly many who probably think they aren't capable who could do it if they had to, but I really think most people just don't have the same physical hardiness that our ancestors had. We've become too comfortable with all of our technological conveniences.

Now, as for handling major losses in life- It's hard. I won't deny that. But when it comes to physical loss it's really only as hard as we make it. When you think about it, everything we have here on this earth is so fleeting and will eventually be lost to us when we die. That is why we are to "store up treasures in Heaven" as opposed to material wealth.

[applepansy]

Hala, I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. Its difficult but how we handle adversity is important.

When we have an eternal perspective it makes the adversity here on earth easier to bear. I know that losing a son (he was 21 when he died) and my chronic health issues have brought me closer to my Savior. Without the adversity I wouldn't have the blessings.

[NadiaStar]

I've often wondered if we as humans have more or less the same amount of hardships, but they appear so differently. People may have been hardier back then, but it was part of their lives. If we had been raised in the same conditions, we would be about the same. Did they think of themselves as particularly hardy?

Its the emotional turmoil that makes things harder for many ofus. But that's why we have that atonement. it's not just for our own sins, but anything that does cause us pain.

[Hala401]

And, upon reflection, I can see where hardship can make us better, more compassionate people.

[mnn727]

My Bishop says that people were more hardy then, and that today most people could not do what the settlers did.

I tend to agree with your Bishop -- it would have been a true test of your faith whether you were willing to leave everything and walk across the frontier 1000 or more miles for your religion.

Let alone being physically capable of doing that.

[Hala401]

I tend to agree with your Bishop -- it would have been a true test of your faith whether you were willing to leave everything and walk across the frontier 1000 or more miles for your religion.

Let alone being physically capable of doing that.

Of course, in full historical context, we were having a Depression worse than the one in the 20th century, and by modern thinking, I am wondering if the Civil War was actually fought as a way to bolster the Military/Industrial complex? And, the Irish Potato Famine was driving immigration. So, I can see where there was a sort of perfect storm in the formational years of the Mormon Church.

Please make no mistake, this is not an attack on the validity of the Mormon Church.

I just think that there were a lot of factors, allowed by Heavenly Father that drove the imigration to what was first called Deseret. I hope that time will show that I and many others are no less devout than they were.

[HEthePrimate]

Hala,

It wasn't a tornado, but I've experienced tragic loss. Many years ago my sister died, and more recently my wife died. Even though there is hope for the next life, it's still a very difficult thing to deal with, and I commend and thank you for your concern. :)

If you happen to know someone who has suffered a major loss, the best thing you can do is be there for them. Be willing to listen to them if they want to talk about it, or just do stuff with them if they don't want to talk. Don't worry, you don't have to know just the right thing to say--it's more important to listen and show that you care than to talk. But do try to avoid saying ignorant things like "Just get over it" or "You'll find somebody else before long," or similar things that obviously won't go over well with a grieving person.

Just be their friend, keep an eye out for signs of serious, long-lasting depression, and look for ways to help, like if they need someone to look after the kids, or whatever. (It can be overwhelming for a mourner to have to constantly take care of kids when they're barely holding themselves together.)

Again, I'm glad there are people like you who think about what others are going through, and express empathy. Keep up the good work! :)

[BenRaines]

I find comfort in the belief that mortal life is just a moment in the eternities. While it is important that we gain experience in mortal life I believe that the pain and difficulties will be a faint memory once we pass from mortality.

I have a scar on my hand. I remember how it happened. Don't remember the pain but vividly how it happened.

Find joy in living.

Ben Raines

[dahlia]

This scripture really touched me when I was investigating:

Mosiah 18:8

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

I just attended the funeral for the adult daughter of one of my visiting teachees. She had been sick with cancer for awhile, and for the last few months there wasn't much we could do for her but support her as she dealt with her daughter's illness. Going to the funeral was one way of supporting her and bearing her burden. The daughter left several children and I recalled my husband's death, my son was 14, and not one person from the synagogue visited me, asked me about arrangements, brought food, whatever. Support is important - and obviously I still haven't forgotten what it's like not to have it at such a hard time.

I consider supporting each other to be a big part of being a member of the church, whether it is going to a funeral for someone I don't know, or getting food or diapers for a new mother. I notice that often when I start out thinking 'I should do this,' I end up wanting to do it. It is not a burden; at least not a big one.