Modesty

[autismmum]

Hi

I have only been on the LDS journey for a few months so am still learning.

I am working my way through the Book of Mormon and following the Word of Wisdom ( not that difficult for me really as I didnt smoke or drink anyway....now and again the smell of coffee gets to me but have stuck with my mint tea;))

One thing I am slightly confused about is the modesty issue.....

As far as I understand it I am not to wear short skirts or shorts, not to show stomach or back, keep shoulders covered and not to wear anything low cut.

However I do have a couple of people on my facebook who are LDS ( from an autism parents forum I go on) and when you look at their photos on there they sometimes have spaghetti strap tops on or what I would consider short dresses?

If I wear that type of top these days I always make sure I wear a bolero or cardigan over it too......is this right or am I going OTT with it?

[Dravin]

My personal opinion is that you're right.

[IamMe]

"the church is perfect, the people are not"

But you're in the right in my opinion... nothing above the knee, no shoulders...

and btw, welcome. I'm a mom of 2 on the spectrum

[Guest]

The LDS modesty guidelines is based on the garments. Those who make higher covenants in the temple make the covenant to wear the garments. You might have heard of this already? There's a lot of noise about "Mitt Romney's magic underwear" in the news lately.

Anyway, we wear clothing that hides garments. My garments is composed of 2 pieces: 1.) a camisole that covers the round of my shoulder and goes about an inch from the top of the shoulder towards the neck. The neckline is a v-shape that covers the mounds of the breast. The bottom of the camisole goes all the way to the hipline. 2.) pants like biker shorts that goes from my waist and down to about 2 inches above my knee.

So, modestly for me means not to wear sleeveless shirts, bare midriffs, or any short shorts. Of course, when I go to the beach, I wear swimsuits... and when I play soccer, I wear soccer shorts, etc.

[mhsmd]

Yes, the modesty standards are there to prepare people for the covenants made in the temple, which includes wearing the temple garments. The commandment on modesty is clear, but many people justify dressing immodestly. You are right in what you have said about modesty.

[MarginOfError]

You may also consider that modesty is more than just the clothes we wear. In fact, the term modesty is kind of hypersexualized in mormon culture.

Modesty is a term that refers to how a person dresses, speaks, and acts. A modest person is humble and socially competent.

So when you consider how you dress, ask yourself what your clothes are drawing attention to. If your clothing draws attention toward your sexuality, it is immodest. If your clothing draws attention to your need to always be the center of attention, it is immodest. Your dress should simply quietly support who you are and what you wish to convey about yourself.

[JudoMinja]

I think MOE hit this one spot on. For the actual guidelines from the church for those not yet endowed, you can read the section on Dress and Appearance in For the Strength of Youth. This is a pamphlet that is given out to all the youth to give them the guidelines for how they can remain modest, righteous, and faithful in their daily activities as they mingle with others. While directed toward the youth, it applies to all of us, and it was recently digitized for easy access online. :)

[Dravin]

A modest person is humble and socially competent.

Is social competency really a component of modesty? Maybe you can define it, I suspect we have different ideas of what the term means. The first thought that comes to my mind is someone who is shy and a wall flower, they're not socially competent but they certainly aren't immodest in my mind. Though I do recognize that social incompetency can go the other way, to having someone who is loud, boorish, and brash and makes themselves painfully the center of attention always. So it'd be helpful to know what you have in mind when you use that term.

[MarginOfError]

Is social competency really a component of modesty? Maybe you can define it, I suspect we have different ideas of what the term means. The first thought that comes to my mind is someone who is shy and a wall flower, they're not socially competent but they certainly aren't immodest in my mind. Though I do recognize that social incompetency can go the other way, to having someone who is loud, boorish, and brash and makes themselves painfully the center of attention always. So it'd be helpful to know what you have in mind when you use that term.

Maybe socially aware would be a better term. I have in mind the ability to pick out attire and behavior that is situationally appropriate.

Then again, someone who lacks that skill isn't necessarily immodest, but we tend to give them more leeway than those we know possess the skill.

So maybe I'm not finding quite the right term, but I hope I'm at least conveying the right message--modesty is more than just covering up skin. And not covering up "enough" skin isn't always necessarily immodest.

[Dravin]

I have in mind the ability to pick out attire and behavior that is situationally appropriate.

Maybe with the caveat that ultimately it's about their perspective rather than any outside measured ability? Kind of an intent instead of results way of looking at things.

So maybe I'm not finding quite the right term, but I hope I'm at least conveying the right message--modesty is more than just covering up skin. And not covering up "enough" skin isn't always necessarily immodest.

I'd say in general I agree.

[autismmum]

Thanks everyone:)

I know what you mean about modesty being more than just what you wear.

I can assure you that I never want to draw attention to myself in anyway lol....mainly due to my Aspergers;)