Texting while out with friends

[Guest]

I think it's a generational thing -- it's completely normal and acceptable (and expected) to be on your phone while hanging out with friends...to today's teenagers and 20-somethings, and even some early 30-somethings.

Or it could just be that the new generation never got taught Good Manners and Right Conduct when it comes to electronic devices - because the previous generation who are supposed to be teaching these kids don't have them in their ettiquette book.

I was in kindergarten when I was taught the proper manners in answering the phone or initiating a phone conversation. I was also in kindergarten when I was taught how to hand something over to another person... like the proper way to hand over a pen, scissors, spoon and fork, toothpick to another person. I was in first grade when I was taught proper manners in conversational english - "Hi, how are you?", "I'm fine, thank you. And you?" Yeah, we had to act that out in school. Another thing in first grade was proper ettiquette in introducing two people to each other - "Mrs. Tamad, I would like you to meet Mr. Tambok. Mr. Tambok, this is Mrs. Tamad.". 3rd grade was proper manners in writing letters.

I was in college taking computer engineering when I got taught proper email and ICQ manners.

My son is now in 5th grade and he never got taught how to talk on the phone. So, he would call somebody and say, "Hey, who's this?" I mean, he's the one calling, and first thing out of his mouth was, Who's this? So, yeah, I realized I had to be the one to teach him all these Good Manners and Right Conduct lessons in social settings because he doesn't get it in school nor church.

Now, I am willing to bet that none of the parents of these kids taught their children good manners in a social setting... and I'm even willing to bet, the parents don't know traditional manners either.

Edited May 10, 2012 by anatess

[Wingnut]

I still think it's generational. One hundred years ago, it would have been far more proper for a young man to call on a young lady at her home than on the phone, yet that's commonly accepted now. Each generation changes and evolves slightly in communication media.

[pam]

WOW, that sounds like a very black and white world.

-RM

Perhaps, but it applies in a lot of different situations.

[Dravin]

I still think it's generational. One hundred years ago, it would have been far more proper for a young man to call on a young lady at her home than on the phone, yet that's commonly accepted now. Each generation changes and evolves slightly in communication media.

And really, as a practical manner, if nobody in the group has an issue with it, as long as it isn't a moral issue (and I don't feel something like this is) then it doesn't matter if some etiquette guru or book determines the behavior rude. A group of teen boys will refer to each other as dorkface and other such mild insults and while I'm sure Miss Manners would insist that calling each other dorkface is bad manners, well... Who cares what she says in a situation like that?

And on the flip side, if the behavior is annoying people, once again baring moral issues, who particularly cares if an etiquette guru or book deems it appropriate? At the point the group of individual starts chiming in with, "I'd rather you not do that." it's rude to persist (once again keeping within the context of the conversation and not looking for extreme cases).

Now books and gurus aren't worthless, but etiquette like language depends on register and there is a different register when out with friends then when out with the boss. And as you mention, the register changes and shifts over time as do the actual rules.

[Guest]

And really, as a practical manner, if nobody in the group has an issue with it, as long as it isn't a moral issue (and I don't feel something like this is) then it doesn't matter if some etiquette guru or book determines the behavior rude. A group of teen boys will refer to each other as dorkface and other such mild insults and while I'm sure Miss Manners would insist that calling each other dorkface is bad manners, well... Who cares what she says in a situation like that?

And on the flip side, if the behavior is annoying people, once again baring moral issues, who particularly cares if an etiquette guru or book deems it appropriate? At the point the group of individual starts chiming in with, "I'd rather you not do that." it's rude to persist (once again keeping within the context of the conversation and not looking for extreme cases).

Now books and gurus aren't worthless, but etiquette like language depends on register and there is a different register when out with friends then when out with the boss. And as you mention, the register changes and shifts over time as do the actual rules.

That's well and good IF the dorkfaces actually KNOW that dorkface is only acceptable among friends and that there ARE manners that govern social behaviors. The problem is - they don't. So that, they go to any and all social gatherings and act like dorkfaces.

From Blast From the Past:

"Good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior."

[Guest]

Basic manners dictate that if you're going to take a phone call, you say, "I'm sorry, this is an important call I've been expecting." or, "That's my kids, I'd better take it." Not only are you showing respect to the person you're with, you're modeling the way you'd like them to treat you. And also that you not be typing a casual conversation back and forth when you're spending time with someone else. It's weird and sad to me that those things aren't just common sense.

[Guest]

Basic manners dictate that if you're going to take a phone call, you say, "I'm sorry, this is an important call I've been expecting." or, "That's my kids, I'd better take it." Not only are you showing respect to the person you're with, you're modeling the way you'd like them to treat you. And also that you not be typing a casual conversation back and forth when you're spending time with someone else. It's weird and sad to me that those things aren't just common sense.

See common sense stems from the fact that it is common. Well, texting while talking has become common in the US. And that all stems from the culture of individualism. People nowadays are more prone to think of themselves first before the consideration of others. And that all bleeds into the entitlement mentality... refusing to see the impact beyond their own needs and desires.

[Guest]

Well, my kids will sure as heck learn better.

[mhsmd]

I find it difficult to be really involved in two conversations at once, or to listen while typing. Because of this, I've chosen to not check an incoming text unless it seems like it maybe urgent; and I won't respond unless it really is urgent. I only feel offended by others texting if I am engaging in more than small talk. If they're texting, I usually assume that there is something more important going on and that I should make an excuse to leave. I wouldn't call it rude, because it is so common, but it does bother me when it gets in the way of interpersonal connections. I think it contributes to shallower connections, whereas people used to devote more attention to the person whose presence they were in.